Bridesmaid issue - betrayed :(

[Deleted User] · February 2012

I'm with Jen on this one.

button6004 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_bridesmaid-issue-betrayed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:37a81dd7-ad47-4a45-bbe0-d1b1a4a14f53Post:3ad9492a-d827-4289-a47d-d95caf59c519">Re: Bridesmaid issue - betrayed :(</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid issue - betrayed :( : No...but I think a lot depends on what kind of job it is. Some people's coworkers suffer when they're out sick. <strong>If I had to take on extra work for someone out sick, and then I saw them at the gym? I'd be PISSED.</strong> Yes I would.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

I'm dealing with this exact issue. My "friend" was out 4 of the 5 days this week due to "back pain" but was out drinking every night (and posted photos of the fun on Facebook). I wouldnt care if it didnt mean people coming into my office to get me to do work for them that she is supposed to handle.

OP, I can see why she did what she did, but I also think she should have talked to you about it first. I stand by what I said earlier.

jennamarie10 · February 2012

eh, there's a differnece between going to the gym and going to the bar.

I fully believe in mental health days and if you want to go do yoga on your sick day, then you go right ahead.

but yes, the BM was a jerk and you should reconsider your friendship.

dmiller9274 · February 2012

Did your not being at work impact your friends workload? If so, maybe she was pissed that you were faking being sick (how it might appear since you were at the gym) and she was getting shiit on at work because of it. Maybe as much as you think she's an asshole for telling on you, she thinks you're an asshole for faking sick.

J&K10910 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_bridesmaid-issue-betrayed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:37a81dd7-ad47-4a45-bbe0-d1b1a4a14f53Post:d95018ce-6a28-44e9-a75c-aa13aa55b640">Re: Bridesmaid issue - betrayed :(</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid issue - betrayed :( : I get what you are saying to a degree but just because they are friends doesn't mean OP has to share her medical history or current situation "in gory" detail with her. Some stuff is private.
Posted by Dot Dash[/QUOTE]

I didn't say she had to. I said that if she didn't, it's possible this friend was hurt. Which it is. I didn't say it was logical, or that she's right to be hurt. I just said it's possible that she is. And that I might be too, if I were in the situation.

september's bride · February 2012

The whole thing just seems kind of dumb and petty to me, more on the part of your boss and the co-worker. Friends or not, the last thing I'd be doing is running to my boss and telling him that I saw so-and-so at the gym when they're supposed to be sick. The thing is, your employer only needs to know that your absence is medically-excusable, and not what the issue actually is. It's not something I'd insert myself in the middle of, frankly.

What I find really obnoxious is the fact that your boss called out your co-worker for ratting you out. Holy unprofessional.

MandK9 · February 2012

I just hate not getting the full story. Yes, maybe this was a psych-related issue, fine. I empathize. But saying you were out because you were sick is vague.

It's like a woman I know who went around telling people how abusive her ex-husband was. She said that he would always tell her how much of a mess she was, how he couldn't handle how much work she was, and at one point told her that she was a bad person/mother. Only to find out years later that the only times he would say this to her was when she was physically abusing him because she's an alcoholic. Gotta get the whole story... and if you don't want to share it, don't expect that the opinions you're getting are valid.

J&K10910 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_bridesmaid-issue-betrayed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:37a81dd7-ad47-4a45-bbe0-d1b1a4a14f53Post:ddc67842-630a-4e3b-9d10-06da99d14223">Re: Bridesmaid issue - betrayed :(</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid issue - betrayed :( : I understood what you said, that is why I agreed to a certain extent. I think you haveher motivation pegged for sure. Clearly the BM feels like she was wronged some how and found a way to pay the OP back. <strong> Which is why I would kick her ass out of teh wedding. </strong>
Posted by Dot Dash[/QUOTE]

But would you? Is it worth the potential backlash?

I mean, I would probably WANT to, and maybe not feel any reason to continue being friends with her (this is if I couldn't get an honest explanation from her on what was going on, because I'd try that first, probably a couple times). But judging by what the OP said about the climate she works in, I would probably bite my tongue, suck it up, get through the wedding, and let things drift.

Nebb · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_bridesmaid-issue-betrayed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:37a81dd7-ad47-4a45-bbe0-d1b1a4a14f53Post:62745ad3-a8ba-482a-bf9a-41d8c339a161">Re: Bridesmaid issue - betrayed :(</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Did your not being at work impact your friends workload? If so, maybe she was pissed that you were faking being sick (how it might appear since you were at the gym) and she was getting shiit on at work because of it.</strong> Maybe as much as you think she's an asshole for telling on you, she thinks you're an asshole for faking sick.
Posted by dmiller9274[/QUOTE]
This is EXACTLY my thought.

J&K10910 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_bridesmaid-issue-betrayed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:37a81dd7-ad47-4a45-bbe0-d1b1a4a14f53Post:3481daee-721f-4c67-848e-493073327e8d">Re: Bridesmaid issue - betrayed :(</a>:
[QUOTE]OK. But what exactly happened at the gym to make her so upset that your boss asked you to apologize to her. I feel like we're missing huge chunk of this story. Did you guys have an epic blow out at the gym. <strong>Did you throw a stair master at her?</strong>
Posted by kodakitty[/QUOTE]

That would be impressive. I'd be pretty upset too if someone was healthy enough to throw a stairmaster at me but wasn't at work.

J&K10910 · February 2012

Shut up, LogicJackie.

lbarr088 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_bridesmaid-issue-betrayed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:37a81dd7-ad47-4a45-bbe0-d1b1a4a14f53Post:80b1a9a7-104b-42ef-a44f-ac54ec17dae1">Re: Bridesmaid issue - betrayed :(</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid issue - betrayed :( : That would be impressive. I'd be pretty upset too if someone was healthy enough to throw a stairmaster at me but wasn't at work.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

<div>*like*</div>

Nebb · February 2012

Eh, I dont agree entirely. You can go ahead and do those things for a balanced life, but you have to understand not everyone will think its OK and you will be questioned on it. You dont have to answer to anyone, but that wont stop them from having an opinion on it. How your actions affect others will likely also affect how they react to seeing you do those things.

MandK9 · February 2012

No, Jackie, she doesn't owe anyone an explanation; you're right. I just think that she'll get the most well-rounded feedback if she tells more of her story. I really don't have that much stock in this, though.

J&K10910 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_bridesmaid-issue-betrayed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:37a81dd7-ad47-4a45-bbe0-d1b1a4a14f53Post:cb867085-99fe-467b-a6e9-3c2313205896">Re: Bridesmaid issue - betrayed :(</a>:
[QUOTE]Eh, I dont agree entirely. You can go ahead and do those things for a balanced life, but you have to understand not everyone will think its OK and you will be questioned on it. You dont have to answer to anyone, but that wont stop them from having an opinion on it. How your actions affect others will likely also affect how they react to seeing you do those things.
Posted by Nebb[/QUOTE]

This is a way better response than "Shut up, LogicJackie."

I'm just going to follow you around and ditto you, ok?

And Jackie, I will do everything in my power to slow your roll if I disagree with you. You know the rules, if we don't agree on everything, we can't be friends!

J&K10910 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_bridesmaid-issue-betrayed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:37a81dd7-ad47-4a45-bbe0-d1b1a4a14f53Post:bd80b018-0535-44c2-ba00-3d5c32e7cd09">Re: Bridesmaid issue - betrayed :(</a>:
[QUOTE]Agreed Nebb, I get that. Professionally though, no-one has a right to question an employee that is off sick about the details of the illness or the treatment plan (which may or may not include exercise). It's confidentiality 101. The boss and the co-worker have no right to question the OP's decision to go to the gym. If I were the employer I'd tell the coworker to sod off and mind her own business.
Posted by 1covejack[/QUOTE]

And this is exactly why I wouldn't be kicking her out of the wedding party.

Because clearly OP's workplace sort of sucks.

teejay2039 · February 2012

WOW.

That was my first thought after reading all the comments. Just.... wow. There really are a bunch of judgemental beotches on this board. But, considering we're all females, I shouldn't have been surprised.

Nebb · February 2012

Do people actually say beotches? Like for real?

J&K10910 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_bridesmaid-issue-betrayed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:37a81dd7-ad47-4a45-bbe0-d1b1a4a14f53Post:89245783-bf52-44fd-b866-d842e57e07b0">Re: Bridesmaid issue - betrayed :(</a>:
[QUOTE]WOW. That was my first thought after reading all the comments. Just.... wow. There really are a bunch of judgemental beotches on this board. But, considering we're all females, I shouldn't have been surprised.
Posted by teejay2039[/QUOTE]

::points to Snarky Brides title::

AllAboutTheBenjamin · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_bridesmaid-issue-betrayed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:37a81dd7-ad47-4a45-bbe0-d1b1a4a14f53Post:89245783-bf52-44fd-b866-d842e57e07b0">Re: Bridesmaid issue - betrayed :(</a>:
[QUOTE]WOW. That was my first thought after reading all the comments. Just.... wow. There really are a bunch of judgemental beotches on this board. But, considering we're all females, I shouldn't have been surprised.
Posted by teejay2039[/QUOTE]

Well you sure showed us. We're all going to go home and re-evaluate our lives now. Thank you, Saint Teejay.

MandK9 · February 2012

I must have become jaded without even knowing it. This didn't seem bitchy (or beotchy) to me at all.

LP11509 · February 2012

Damn women. They are so beotchy.. We should just get rid of them. EVERY LAST ONE. Because obviously, men are not capable of being beotchy at all.

HannahK15 · February 2012

I'm just so confused!! UGH!

J&K10910 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_bridesmaid-issue-betrayed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:37a81dd7-ad47-4a45-bbe0-d1b1a4a14f53Post:b5d01a24-7b61-4acd-b6d1-9b0599356eff">Re: Bridesmaid issue - betrayed :(</a>:
[QUOTE]Of FFS we are discussing our points of view. How is that bitchy? get over yourself. And ya J I would kick her ass out and deal with the fall out eventually because A) no one is going to hold me hostage over a little back lash and B) it's none of the heiffer's business why I was out from work and at the gym. She can suck it. Of course that said you make valid points and it is not an easy situation for sure.
Posted by Dot Dash[/QUOTE]

Then you are far braver than I am!

LP, beotchy sounds like a skin disease.

J&K10910 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_bridesmaid-issue-betrayed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:37a81dd7-ad47-4a45-bbe0-d1b1a4a14f53Post:5d4e4f8b-7007-469e-a494-241af1a13e96">Re: Bridesmaid issue - betrayed :(</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm just so confused!! UGH!
Posted by HannahK15[/QUOTE]
But your dog is awesome looking.

More pictures. Now.

LP11509 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_bridesmaid-issue-betrayed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:37a81dd7-ad47-4a45-bbe0-d1b1a4a14f53Post:3d5411e5-5ac7-4075-aa80-1af32a35f7df">Re: Bridesmaid issue - betrayed :(</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid issue - betrayed :( : Then you are far braver than I am! LP, beotchy sounds like a skin disease.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

<div>Haha, it does! Which reminds me for some reason...after all of the talk earlier about freaky hairs growing on your body, I've been checking mine obsessively. Thanks, girls. Er, I mean, beotches. </div>

chelseamb11 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_bridesmaid-issue-betrayed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:37a81dd7-ad47-4a45-bbe0-d1b1a4a14f53Post:3c591a29-a64c-4222-a535-94902f74aabb">Re: Bridesmaid issue - betrayed :(</a>:
[QUOTE]Do people actually say beotches? Like for real?
Posted by Nebb[/QUOTE]

Nebb, you're such a beotch. Not a bitch or even a beyotch. A beotch.

ricksang · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_bridesmaid-issue-betrayed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:37a81dd7-ad47-4a45-bbe0-d1b1a4a14f53Post:89245783-bf52-44fd-b866-d842e57e07b0">Re: Bridesmaid issue - betrayed :(</a>:
[QUOTE]WOW. That was my first thought after reading all the comments. Just.... wow. There really are a bunch of judgemental beotches on this boar<strong>d. But, considering we're all females, I shouldn't have been surprised.</strong>
Posted by teejay2039[/QUOTE]
Oh fuckyou! This is so sexist. Female=bitch, okay......

cardmonsta · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_bridesmaid-issue-betrayed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:37a81dd7-ad47-4a45-bbe0-d1b1a4a14f53Post:89245783-bf52-44fd-b866-d842e57e07b0">Re: Bridesmaid issue - betrayed :(</a>:
[QUOTE]WOW. That was my first thought after reading all the comments. Just.... wow. There really are a bunch of judgemental beotches on this board. But, considering we're all females, I shouldn't have been surprised.
Posted by teejay2039[/QUOTE]

<div>VAGINA</div>

froggatt.clare · February 2012

Technically speaking, from an HR standpoint, the way you spend your 'sick' days is up to you. You cannot be fired for playing sick if you remain within the sick time given by your place of employment. So, there's that.

Then again, this post has 3 pages of talk and i'm only on page 1...

Bridesmaid issue - betrayed :(

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