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Ceremony restrictions and my uncle is the officiant... help!

MeganC&PaulPMeganC&PaulP member
First Comment First Anniversary
in Wedding Woes
My uncle is a reverend and is marrying my fiancé and I this summer. We are Anglican and wanted a nice, relaxed outdoor ceremony that wasn't very focused on religion but instead on us. We had planned to write our own vows, choose our own music, readings, and even have a sand ceremony, but with every turn he shoots us down saying none of this is possible. We aren't allowed to write our own vows, have perfectly acceptable music to walk down the aisle, do any non-biblical readings (no matter how perfect or appropriate), and sand ceremonies are a no-no in the eyes of the church. 

TL;DR: My uncle is marrying us and is keeping us from including things we wanted in our ceremony.

It's less than 3 months until the wedding (July 25th) and my fiancé and I are torn: should we get another officiant who will let us have the big day we dreamed of or should we stick with my uncle for family reasons and because if it rains we can use the church as a back-up location?
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Re: Ceremony restrictions and my uncle is the officiant... help!

  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited April 2015
    Get another officiant and ceremony venue. Don't do anything for "family reasons."

    Tell your uncle, "Uncle, FI and I, while grateful to you, have decided to relocate our wedding ceremony and have someone else officiate because we can't come to agreement on this."
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  • flantasticflantastic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    MeganC&PaulP said:

    My uncle is a reverend and is marrying my fiancé and I this summer. We are Anglican and wanted a nice, relaxed outdoor ceremony that wasn't very focused on religion but instead on us. We had planned to write our own vows, choose our own music, readings, and even have a sand ceremony, but with every turn he shoots us down saying none of this is possible. We aren't allowed to write our own vows, have perfectly acceptable music to walk down the aisle, do any non-biblical readings (no matter how perfect or appropriate), and sand ceremonies are a no-no in the eyes of the church. 


    TL;DR: My uncle is marrying us and is keeping us from including things we wanted in our ceremony.

    It's less than 3 months until the wedding (July 25th) and my fiancé and I are torn: should we get another officiant who will let us have the big day we dreamed of or should we stick with my uncle for family reasons and because if it rains we can use the church as a back-up location?



    The Anglicans, especially the more conservative churches, really aren't far off from Catholics in their beliefs about the purpose of marriage ceremonies, so I'm not really surprised by these restrictions and I don't think your uncle is doing this just to be difficult or arbitrary. He's just indicating what your faith says probably should be important to you and therefore what your faith's guidelines indicate is appropriate and inappropriate for a marriage rite.

    That said, it sounds like you don't really care about the beliefs behind having the elements of an Anglican ceremony. If what you planned is truly what you want, I'd find a different officiant.

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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited April 2015
    Yeah, find someone else for all the reasons above.  

    This is why it's important to ask anyone involved in your wedding (family or not) if what you want is on par with what they're willing to do.  You do this before you agree on that person providing the service for your wedding.
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  • tawillerstawillers member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    mrs.conn23 said:

    Yeah, find someone else for all the reasons above.  


    This is why it's important to ask anyone involved in your wedding (family or not) if what you want is on par with what they're willing to do.  You do this before you agree on that person providing the service for your wedding.
    Agreed with all of this.
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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    You should find an officiant who's desires match your own.  He's officiating in the manner he was trained, so you'll need to find someone else.

    You'll probably need to find someone comfortable doing secular ceremonies.
    �
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  • MeganC&PaulPMeganC&PaulP member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    Thank you, everyone for your opinions. We were caught off-guard because our local minister is much more relaxed with the rules of the church than my uncle is, and when my uncle refused to accommodate any of our requests even my parents were surprised. My FI and I will see what other options are available to us in this short time. 
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