I picked my MOH shortly after I became engaged (last July). She was on board with everything and willing to help out with ideas and planning. I think things started to go a little downhill then because we've grown in the last few years and my style has changed. I'm in the military (marrying a military man), so having the wedding and reception back home really wasn't an option for us. Between PCSing and paying for the wedding, I didn't have enough money to come home to discuss every little detail. My MOH chose to fly up to see us for a visit so we could go dress shopping. I never asked her to because I know flights cost money, but I did appreciate her help. My MOH has had little interest in talking about anything but her problems with men. I've made sure that we have time to discuss things other than the wedding, but it seems like when I do bring up the wedding she only puts down my thoughts because we don't have the same style and it's not what she would want for her wedding. My cousin and best friend have decided to host a small bridal shower once everyone arrives in town for the wedding weekend, and this offended my MOH. My cousin had contacted her several times so they could plan something together, and my cousin is planning things I would feel more comfortable at. I would feel awkward and embarrassed at the stereotypical bachelorette party, which is what my MOH wants to plan for the night before the wedding. My cousin is planning a sweet shower to that our older and younger family members can attend. The night before the wedding was already planned out by my fiance and I. I've discussed this with my MOH and repeatedly given her timelines that the planner has made (she keeps losing them and won't search through emails to find them). From day one, my fiance and I chose not to have separate bachelor/bachelorette parties.
I just don't know what to do. I feel like she wants this day to be about her, and I don't necessarily think it should be about any one person. (I believe a marriage is between two people, but the wedding is a celebration for everyone.) It just seems like everything has been more of a hassle than it should be from scheduling hair and makeup (she was upset I didn't book her as a bride and she wants at least 1.5 hours for just her hair) to figuring out accommodations the night before the wedding (I had already booked a room for myself because our apartment will be full of people - and she knew this, and I'm getting ready there), to complaining that there would be no head table at the wedding (we want a sweetheart table), to complaining she won't have a date (I can't make her boyfriend go, but she said she might bring her mom), to complaining about the wedding rehearsal (it's an hour before the ceremony - small ceremony no need for huge rehearsal), to my fiance and I going to the spa together before everyone arrives (we wanted a moment to relax together before we run around all over the city for several days), to simply just being there. My wedding is in just 22 days so I'm trying to enjoy the last few weeks, but its seems like she is adding to the stress instead of helping take care of stress. I feel like instead of relaxing and celebrating that weekend, I will be babysitting her.