(I'm guessing NWR means 'Not Wedding Related', yes?)
I'm not sure if this is the right place to put this, but I need to vent to fellow Knotties. Sorry for the long post. My Mother's Day sucked, mostly because my mother is/has been going BSC.
My mom and dad live on the east coast, while I live in California. They decided to retire out there, in the middle of nowhere, several years ago. Both of my older sisters live in Texas, so our parents don't live anywhere near us. Again, their choice.
So yesterday was Mother's Day. I'm three hours behind my parents' time, and FI and I had plans to drive to his grandparents' house to spend the later part of Mother's Day with his mom, grandma, stepdad, aunt, and grandfather (who has just gotten out of the hospital). FI and I were busy all morning due to a late start, and scrambling to find good flowers to bring to his mom and grandmother. It's a little after 1:00 our time when we got on the road to make the 45 minute drive. I try to call mom, first at home. No answer. My mom is frequently out and about, so I call her cell phone. No answer. I leave a Happy Mother's Day message, wishing her a good day and that I'm glad she liked the gift I had sent her (she had received it a couple of days prior). I then told her that I would be with FI's family for the rest of the day and would probably be busy and may not get a chance to call back later, so just in case, Happy Mother's Day!
Fast forward a few hours. We are getting ready to sit down to dinner. I take a quick peak at my phone to see an angry text from my mom saying "Why haven't' you called your mother on Mother's Day?? I won't be home until late." Since we were just sitting down to dinner, I sent her a quick text "I tried calling you a couple of times earlier and left a message. Sitting down to dinner with FI's mom and family, can't talk right now." Because I find it incredibly rude to pick up the phone and make a personal phone call while a guest at someone's house, unlike my mother who sees it complete okay to pick up a phone and have a loud conversation either while being a guest at someone's house or in a restaurant. I only see FI's family a handful of times a year, and they adore me. So I certainly didn't want to be rude.
A couple hours later, we are finally leaving. We get into the car and I look at my phone to see a couple of missed calls, a couple of voicemails, and a couple of text messages. A text message and voicemail was from my sister warning me that mom was on the warpath, because apparently she had just dealt with what I was soon to deal with. The other texts were from my mother accusing me of not CALLING her and how incredibly hurt she was. The voicemail was from my dad in his deadpan, disappointed voice saying how disappointed HE was that I didn't CALL my mother on Mother's Day, and how upset my mom.
On the way home I called my sister. Apparently, she was getting an earful from mom because she did the same thing--tried to call, but never touched base with mom. My sister has 4 kids and was busy spending Mother's Day with her family, but she still tried to call. That wasn't enough for mom, and it sounded like they had a big argument. Sister warned me I was in for the same treatment.
This morning, when I got to work, I call mom. Commence the arguing and emo-fest. Mom kept accusing me of not calling her. I had to continuously re-emphasize that I did try to call her on more than one occasion, and I left her a message, but it wasn't my fault that she didn't pick up the phone. Then she'd shout back "YOU NEED TO *TALK* TO YOUR MOTHER ON MOTHER'S DAY! YOU MAKE TIME FOR YOUR MOTHER ON THIS ONE DAY!." And continued to try to make me feel like the worst daughter in the world. And for the record, I've NEVER forgotten to call her on her birthday or Mother's Day. EVER. Then she proceeds to try to guilt-trip me by pointing out that I never call her anymore, that she always has to call me. It is true that I don't get to call as often as I used to, due to working 10 hours days (12 hours with commute) and being so busy at the office on most days. By the time I get home and have free time, it is too late on the east coast. Additionally, I've been talked to about making/taking personal calls at work. And whenever I do talk to her, it is usually her talking about people/gossiping/things for which I have no clue.
And then I asked her if there is some other issue going on that was making her so upset. At first she denied it, but then she kept saying my FMIL's name in a very…resentful tone. So I flat-out called her out on it: "Are you jealous of FMIL?" And she relents by saying, "Now that you mention it, something that did really make me upset was your Facebook post saying Happy Mothers Day to me and how lucky you are to have me as a mother, and then saying how excited you are to be getting another wonderful mother in your life! I'M YOUR MOTHER. I'm your ONLY mother! You are not allowed to call her 'Mom'!"
I also called her out that she called my grandmother, her MIL, 'Mom.' She claimed that didn't bother anyone. I told her that she should be happy that I'm becoming part of such a wonderful family that adores me. She claimed she was, but "You're not allowed to call her 'Mom'!" I also pointed out that my sister calls her MIL 'Mom.' This argument continued for 15 minutes until she said she didn't want to talk anymore, and that she was letting it go (through sobbing, of course). I said "I'm sorry you feel that way, but I don't know what else to do." "YOU TALK TO YOUR MOTHER ON MOTHER'S DAY!" I never said sorry for my actions, because I don't feel I did anything wrong. I was so upset last night that I didn't sleep well. At first I was upset/hurt, but then I was upset/angry. Poor FI tried to help make me feel better but it was a lost cause.
Seriously, my mother needs to be treated with kid gloves, and loves to have melt-downs and come across as a victim. This is the second melt-down she's had within the past 6 months, and I'm a little worried about what might happen at our wedding in November. During my sister's wedding, she got so upset over an argument with the bride that she locked herself in her hotel room, sobbing, and claimed she wasn't coming to the wedding.
But that's something that I will deal with if/when it happens, I guess. Right now, I'm just so….I don't know what the right word is. I'll give a cookie to anyone who nails the right word to describe the reaction to this mess.
(Thanks for reading)