Bride Pays Share for Bachelorette Party?

arrrghmatey · July 2015

Hi, ladies.

I tried to find an answer to something like this that may already be on the board put couldn't find anything within the past few months (unless I completely missed it).

My bridesmaids have graciously offered to plan a BP for me, and I provided them a list of ideas, who I'd like to be invited (no more than 6 or 7 people to keep it small) and a timeframe (and a couple of no-nos: i.e. no stripper please). Everything else is up to them based on what they'd like to do and their budgets. As of right now, no solid plans have been made but they're in the process of planning.

Every Bachelorette Party I've been to within the past 10 years (about six of them) has had the wedding party/attendees of the BP cover the bride's costs for the BP--whether it was a limo, a weekend getaway at a rental house at the beach, or a Vegas trip. I don't know if this is the way things should be done or not--I always figured it was normal since every one I've been to has done it this way. However, I'd really like to cover my own costs for the BP--have everyone pay a little less rather than pay more to cover my portion, regardless of what we end up doing for the party. What's the best way to go about conveying this to my bridesmaids without sounding presumptuous/that I assumed they would want to cover my costs?

Edit: Changed the discussion title to better reflect the question.

AddieCake · July 2015

What are the plans? You could just wait until someone goes to buy your dinner or drinks and say you've got your own.

jacques27 · July 2015

Honestly, I don't think there is a way. At least not during the planning process.

I would wait to see what they have planned and offer to chip in when it comes time to pay. Just be prepared for them to insist that you not and also know that letting people give you an honor (like throwing a party for you) and accepting that gift graciously is important, too. They presumably wouldn't have offered if they couldn't afford it and wouldn't plan anything they couldn't afford. There are few things more awkward in a social setting than people having a standoff over who gets to be the nicer person and pay for things. Sometimes the gracious thing to do is accept it and know that you always have option of reciprocating their generosity in the future - whether that's picking up the tab the next time you go out to dinner or offering to babysit out of the blue so they can have a date night, etc.

arrrghmatey · July 2015

jacques27 said:

Honestly, I don't think there is a way. At least not during the planning process.

I would wait to see what they have planned and offer to chip in when it comes time to pay. Just be prepared for them to insist that you not and also know that letting people give you an honor (like throwing a party for you) and accepting that gift graciously is important, too. They presumably wouldn't have offered if they couldn't afford it and wouldn't plan anything they couldn't afford. There are few things more awkward in a social setting than people having a standoff over who gets to be the nicer person and pay for things. Sometimes the gracious thing to do is accept it and know that you always have option of reciprocating their generosity in the future - whether that's picking up the tab the next time you go out to dinner or offering to babysit out of the blue so they can have a date night, etc.

Thanks for the responses, they are very helpful. I'll wait to find out what the plans are, and offer to cover my share of the hotel, spa, or plane ticket, if it involves any of those things. My bridesmaids have been awesome so I'd like to make sure that this wedding is easy and not financially straining for them (I did the whole ask for budgets on the dress thing and letting them pick out all of their accessories, hairstyles, etc.)

To the bolded: They did come dress shopping with me on one occasion since my sisters were in town so they could all meet. I treated them to a nice lunch afterwards. I like doing things like that when I can

climbingsingle · July 2015

Any BP I've attended, we always covered the bride's share and didn't let her pay. My friends also did that for my bach party.

photokitty · July 2015

I've always helped cover the bride's share, but I have always declined opulent Bps for the same reason. I can't afford to pay for my plane ticket, share of a hotel, meals, drinks and a split of the bride's. Local events I always happy to help pay, even if it includes a hotel room.

[Deleted User] · July 2015

I would think you could certainly get away with paying for your own plane ticket, if the party requires it. I don't think plane tickets are something others should pay for, it should be in my name, the name on my passport, not just what you and everyone in the world calls me. I would insist on taking care of that part of it myself, and just let the others pay for hotels, rounds of drinks, and meals for you. If you want to buy them a drink on the plane ride back as a thank you, that would be cute. If you have a handle of something delicious in the hotel room, that would be appreciated. Stuff like that is cool, but like a PP said, you don't want to be in a standoff about who is going to pick up the check.

courtmcm · July 2015

I don't think you should offer to pay, per se, as others have said. But there is no rule saying you can't get them a cute favor or something to say thank you! My BP is in Palm Springs by the pool, so I'm getting everyone a tumbler for drinks, a pair of cute sunglasses, and a small sunscreen, just so I feel like I'm contributing too. This isn't required or anything, but I liked the idea of having something for each person to say thanks!

AddieCake · July 2015

I would not cover costs like airfare and that kind of stuff for a bride. All I'm willing to cover are dinners, drinks, cover charges, etc. Big ticket Items? No.

flbride2015 · July 2015

AddieCake said:

I would not cover costs like airfare and that kind of stuff for a bride. All I'm willing to cover are dinners, drinks, cover charges, etc. Big ticket Items? No.

Same here; we organized a Vegas bachelorette for a friend and we didn't cover her travel costs. We only covered the costs for the one big party night (dinner, show, and drinks). She covered all of her other costs the rest of the weekend. I think we may have covered her part of the hotel. But definitely not her flight.

arrrghmatey · July 2015

AddieCake said:

I would not cover costs like airfare and that kind of stuff for a bride. All I'm willing to cover are dinners, drinks, cover charges, etc. Big ticket Items? No.

Yes, I agree with this 100%. I would never expect the BP to cover the cost of an airline ticket. Even a split a couple hotel rooms for a couple of nights (if a hotel is required) I would like to cover for myself.

klk111415 · July 2015

I'm not paying for my BP, but I also don't know the details, so it would be difficult to pay. I also know that my BP/friends wouldn't allow me to pay. Same goes for my Fiance. His party is going to be twice the size. They are renting a house for the weekend and everyone is splitting the grooms share. I agree with what other's have said, get everyone a nice gift to thank them, or offer to buy a round of drinks. If you've paid in the past for the bride at other BPs I would say- it's their turn to treat you. Not like your entitled, but that's just the way it goes in most cases.

Bride Pays Share for Bachelorette Party?

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