Minnesota-Minneapolis and St. Paul

Why must I be the guinea pig? The non-wedding parties.

I am the first of my close friends to get married and the oldest non-married girl in my family. There has not been a wedding in my family for many years—and the last one was of a second cousin.  

Wedding planning in general is going fine, but there is a whole bunch of other parties associated with a wedding that are not.  My aunt called me a week ago and wanted to know what I was doing for a shower. I told her –and very truthfully—that I had never been to a wedding shower and I thought the mothers planned it.  She told me that mothers do not plan it and it is more of an aunt, coworker, and friend thing.  Anyways, she is the only person to offer to have a shower.  She said she would plan it, but seems to be somewhat irritated that I am not helping---I don’t know how to help.

 

She wants me to pick a theme—she recommended around the clock or a honeymoon themed.  Either would be fine and I told her that…but now she seems to want me to pick my own theme. She also wants me to tell her what kind of things I want to do.  I told her we could play games (based off the things I see on TV) she asked what games and I couldn’t tell her any.  Lastly, she wants me to ask his family and my friends if (which would come off as when) they are hosting a shower. I am uncomfortable doing that; I don’t think his family is going to have one for us and I know my friends don’t have it on their radar—but both would try and get one together if I asked if they were having one.

 

What should I say?  What are good themes and party games for a wedding shower hosted by an aunt?  If nobody else has offered to have one by now, is it safe to assume they won’t?  I am about 10 weeks out, but will be out of town the majority February.

 

Also, my friends are getting nervous about the bachelorette party (first one for most of us) and they want me to tell them what I want them to set-up.  This one seems less “unknown” because it should just be a really  fun girls night.  I just wanted ideas of where to go and what to do--dont want to make a newbi error and miss something great.  I live in the northern suburbs and we go out in Minneapolis and St. Paul.  I like busy place, new/flashy places or activites.

 

Lastly, I am supposed to plan the groom’s dinner.  I am trying to find a cheaper location that can have a semi-private, seated 50 person meal for less then $2,500.  I have called places like Glicks, Hell’s Kitchen, 8th Street Grill, and Brit’s,   They have all been booked, to expensive or not very good.  Any ideas where to go?  I am expanding my area (Minneapolis around the convention center), but that opens up so many restaurants.

Anyone been part of more twin cities weddings then I have? I need ideas on these things please.

Re: Why must I be the guinea pig? The non-wedding parties.

  • edited December 2011
    I've been to a lot of weddings and showers, but most have been less extravagant than the ones I've heard about on this board.  As for bridal showers, I've never been to a themed shower.  The bridal showers I've attended have been brunch/afternoon get-togethers.  You eat, chat, and play a couple games (word scrambles, questionaires, etc.)  I don't think showers need to be extravagant, but I understand that they sometimes are.  As for games, I'd google "bridal shower games" and see if any appeal to you.

    As for how many showers a couple has, I would say it depends on how many people offer to have them.  Sometimes both sides of a family offer, and that's great.  In my case, I'm only having one, and I'm more than happy with that.  I don't think you should ask family or friends to throw you a party.

    As for groom's dinner options, I think finding a place for under $2500 shouldn't be a problem.  One place we looked at for our reception that might work for you is Jax Cafe.

    Good luck with planning!  Remember that this is supposed to be about you and your fiance, so do what feels right for you.  If you don't want to play shower games, don't.  If you don't want a theme, don't have one.  Plan what you think you and (your friends and family) will enjoy.
  • edited December 2011
    Try Granite City- I believe they have one in Maple Grove that could be close to you for the Groom's Dinner- and I think their prices are pretty reasonable. Or maybe Dixie's on Grand- I think most of their prices are around $15... Is that more than you were looking to spend?
  • debbieupperdebbieupper member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm so glad you posted this conundrum, because I'm having the same one! Only the woman throwing the shower for me is my FMIL. It's January, and I kid you not, a week ago she sent me an email asking if she should send out save-the-date magnets FOR THE SHOWER in August.  Really, FMIL?

    She also wants me to choose a theme and games, and I'm in the same boat as you -- I don't know!

    So, I guess I can't offer any solid advice, but what I've done is just ask her what she would like me to do to help, very specifically, and then let her know if you think it's too much to do. I would imagine the only thing you(we?) are really obligated to do is let her know who should be invited, and whatever preferences she asks you about.

    I'm sorry she seems irritated that you're not choosing every single detail. Ultimately, she's probably trying to make it a party that will be really fun and special for you. It helps me to keep that in mind. :)

    Good luck!
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  • KittE7KittE7 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ooh.  Groom's dinner options in dt Mpls!  Try Solera or Stellas (uptown).  We ♥ 112 Eatery - supposedly they have a room upstairs that can be used for a party like this. Jax Cafe is neat (haven't eaten there tho). Seven (sep. sushi & steakhouse sections) might work, or Ike's...? More on the casual side (downtown) are the Loon Cafe & Champps - they both have private rooms that can be reserved without a fee.

    Shower protocol - that's great that your aunt has offered to have one!  It's traditionally a big, girly get-together with gifts galore, so since the mom is helping to fund the wedding (traditionally), she normally doesn't host the shower.  Also, the couple doesn't arrange this party - same reason why you don't put your registries on your invitations. 

    DoN'T worrY if no one else offers to do one :) Maybe your aunt just wants to know who to invite?  If your fiance's family is not planning one currently, maybe you should just invite them to this shower.  It'll give everyone a chance to meet.

    Shower ideas - look for a book (browse @ B&N or check out for free @ Mpls Publ Library!) for ideas for games, and arrange a time to browse thru these ideas w/your aunt.  Then you aren't left w/all the pressure to pick something, and she might have fun helping to plan it.  Remember, if you don't like something, do it your own way.  We're going to have a coed BBQ/picnic or a coed evening affair (w/cocktails!).  (I don't want any traditional "sit down with a paper and pencil" games at this event.)

    For my best friend's bachelorette party, I arranged to make signature cocktails (lemon drops!) and we did a "How well do you know the Bride-to-Be?" trivia game in our hotel room before going out for dinner.  I listed about 15 questions, spanning from her childhood, to college, to the time when she met her now-husband... she took the quiz as well, and I gave "prizes" to the girls w/the most correct answers. It was funny b/c the guests all knew her "best" at different times in her life!

    Another game I've played was "Bubbly Bride": the MOH or host asks (in advance) the groom-to-be a list of simple questions w/one/two-word answers. The bride answers these Qs & tries to match his answer - she has to chew a huge piece of Dubble Bubble gum for every wrong answer!  My friend had about 10 pieces in her mouth at the end of this game.  The guests predict if she'll get it right or wrong... they circle all their correct predictions, & winner gets a prize.

    enjoy!
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  • sunkiss177sunkiss177 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    :)  Bubbly Bride sounds fun.  I will also have to look at the Grooms Dinner locations listed, thanks.
  • Bimbi284Bimbi284 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    There's lots of fun ideas for showers out there. I agree that there doesn't need to have a "theme" so to speak, I mean...isn't "wedding shower" enough of a theme already? LOL. One of his aunts is hosting my WI one with the help of his sister (my moh) and other aunts. My mom's close friend is hosting my MN one since I don't have any aunts nearby (they are all in Puerto Rico), and she and my mom are planning that one, as it will be hosted at my parents' house. 

    You've got some good game suggestions already. Another one I thought of was the gown or veil designer game. For this one, you would use toilet paper, and have the guests (either in pairs, groups or alone depending on how many you have) create a wedding gown from it by actually wrapping it around themselves (or one person in the pair/group). A toned down version is to have them create a veil. If you don't wanna waste all of that TP, you could use old sheets/curtains/table cloths, and do it it like toga-style. I'm sure there's lots of versions of this one around too, so just do a little googling, and I'm sure you'll be fine.

    As for the groom's dinner, that is traditionally planned by the groom's side of the family. (FMIL is planning ours). In our case, we knew right away where we wanted to have it (Nye's Polonaise) because A) it is literally next door to the church, B) FI's family is of Polish heritage, C) Cabbage rolls and peirogis! (YUM!), D) just a fun place over all!. So choosing a place was kind of a consensus thing...we didn't even really look into anything else lol. From that point, I got the info from their event manager, and just passed it along to my FMIL, and she took over from there. She consulted me on some of the things like food options, but other than that, she's taken care of it. 
  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I would give her the theme of your wedding colors and go from there (just say "let's do the decorating/invites in these colors.. and give her a paint swatch which makes it easier to find a match to)...  Even if you give her your decorating theme for your reception there are a million ways to take that theme and turn it into a bridal shower without treding on your wedding itself.  The thing she's probably looking for are ways to create a shower without it being something that's totally NOT you/your personality while on a budget.  She's probably needing help with things like names/addresses if this is going to be the only shower you have and ideas for what type of food you want served (be reasonable - - Chinese/Vietnamese, Subway, Pizza delivery, finger foods, cake, etc. type stuff) will help make her life easier and help keep things on a budget (showers are also super expensive to pull off).  Even though the shower is for you, some people need more help than others do with planning things out.  Also, this is something you may be able to enlist the help of your WP to help her with the planning...

    By going with the color you avoid giving the guests a challenge with trying to figure out what to get you that's within their budget and gift preferences.  There's nothing worse that being out shopping when something "pops" off the shelf as the PERFECT gift for you to give someone at their shower but you're suppose to be restricted to a particular time of day and there's no possible way that item will fit (say a kitchen set and you're assigned "bathroom")... 

    Unless your guests are really into playing games, I'd also say skip the games because most people find them annoying at best.  If you want to have a game do things that people don't feel pressured into participating in...  Or something like a multiple-guess quiz about little known facts about the bride and groom... where he proposed, favorite place to go out to eat, what your colors are, etc.  (things that can clue guests in to things like how formal/informal the day will be)

    As for the Groom's dinner... Check out Sticks Restaurant which is attached to Acme Comedy Co.  It's been a while since I've been there but their food was always trendy and good. 

    Another possibility, call the Arts Institute International - Gourmet Gallery to find out what the possibility of having a Culinary student do the food for your Groom's dinner.  They do a good job for the money and experience.  Amy is one of the Chef instructors might be who to talk to if you want a person specifically...

    Good luck!!!! 


  • LittleSweetieLittleSweetie member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I wouldn't do any more than give her the dates that work for you for a shower.  She can plan the rest - I'm sure she knows you well enough to plan something spectacular!  You really aren't supposed to be involved at all.

    She can plan her shower, and if your FI's family or friends feel compelled to throw one, they will.  I wouldn't actually invite them to your shower, though I'm not sure why I think that!
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