No Cash Bars- Your Family will NOT be Ok with It

flbride2015 · July 2015

onefootinthebayou said:

lildropofsunshine said:

Well, everyone can do what they want, and I see no problem with a cash bar. Nothing you say here is going to change my mind.

Spoken like a true petulant child. Are you serious with this? The only reason here anyone is trying to change your mind is to teach you how to be polite and prevent people from talking about you behind your back. However, you seem determined to be rude so have at it. You had the opportunity to learn something here and instead dug in your heels with your incorrect position and squandered it. Congrats. They say "ignorance is bliss!"

Yes, everyone can do what they want. Doesn't make it right, or polite.

"But it's MY DAY!!!"

Viczaesar · July 2015

lildropofsunshine said:

I've read this entire thread, and the sticky. Don't judge when you don't have the facts.

I said "actually read and think about" what everyone has said. You've clearly demonstrated that you have not done that.

Maggie0829 · July 2015

onefootinthebayou said:

lildropofsunshine said:

Well, everyone can do what they want, and I see no problem with a cash bar. Nothing you say here is going to change my mind.

Yes, everyone can do what they want. Doesn't make it right, or polite.

I can fart in your face all I want. Doesn't mean that it isn't rude as hell.

I think there should be a special spot in hell for people who treat their nearest and dearest like crap because they think that it is their special day to do whatever the hell they want.

banana468 · July 2015

Maggie0829 said:

onefootinthebayou said:

lildropofsunshine said:

Well, everyone can do what they want, and I see no problem with a cash bar. Nothing you say here is going to change my mind.

Yes, everyone can do what they want. Doesn't make it right, or polite.

I can fart in your face all I want. Doesn't mean that it isn't rude as hell.

I think there should be a special spot in hell for people who treat their nearest and dearest like crap because they think that it is their special day to do whatever the hell they want.

Also for those who think that they get to play "If you do more than what I do I shouldn't have to pay for it."

With that mentality I shouldn't have allowed any guests to eat more than 8oz of beef.

onefootinthebayou · July 2015

banana468 said:

Maggie0829 said:

onefootinthebayou said:

lildropofsunshine said:

Well, everyone can do what they want, and I see no problem with a cash bar. Nothing you say here is going to change my mind.

Yes, everyone can do what they want. Doesn't make it right, or polite.

I can fart in your face all I want. Doesn't mean that it isn't rude as hell.

I think there should be a special spot in hell for people who treat their nearest and dearest like crap because they think that it is their special day to do whatever the hell they want.

Also for those who think that they get to play "If you do more than what I do I shouldn't have to pay for it."

With that mentality I shouldn't have allowed any guests to eat more than 8oz of beef.

Following that logic, I never sat down ONCE during my wedding and despite advice to the contrary, I ate nothing. I never even tasted the cake until the next day. To be honest, I don't like cake. Looking back, I could have saved THOUSANDS on my wedding reception. I wasted so much money on chairs, food, and cake. What was I thinking? Can I get a do-over?

[Deleted User] · July 2015

cupcait927 said:

beachyone15 said:

Ugh, the only thing worse than a cash bar is a "bait and switch" cash bar. Oh, you thought you were going to get properly hosted all night? Well guess what? NOPE. That'll be $9. Thank you, come again.

Last wedding I went to was a bait and switch. They hosted the first $600 and then switched to cash. H and I got to the reception first and got as many drinks as we could before they reached the limit. Sorrynotsorry but if you're not going to host the whole thing, I'm just going to drink more until you make me pay for it.

My venue is calling this a "Consumption Bar."

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought a consumption bar meant that the host (in our case, me & FI) pay for the total of drinks consumed, versus an open bar which is prepaid by $X/person.

banana468 · July 2015

rusticbride27 said:

cupcait927 said:

beachyone15 said:

Ugh, the only thing worse than a cash bar is a "bait and switch" cash bar. Oh, you thought you were going to get properly hosted all night? Well guess what? NOPE. That'll be $9. Thank you, come again.

Last wedding I went to was a bait and switch. They hosted the first $600 and then switched to cash. H and I got to the reception first and got as many drinks as we could before they reached the limit. Sorrynotsorry but if you're not going to host the whole thing, I'm just going to drink more until you make me pay for it.

My venue is calling this a "Consumption Bar."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought a consumption bar meant that the host (in our case, me & FI) pay for the total of drinks consumed, versus an open bar which is prepaid by $X/person.

IMO, they're one and the same. To the guests, the bar is hosted. But to the hosts, it's how they pay for it. So you need to talk to the venue and see if you can pay per head, per drink, or if you bring in your own alcohol and just pay a bartending fee.

thisismynickname2 · July 2015

lildropofsunshine said:

My sister's best friend had a cash bar, and I, a guest over 21 had absolutely no qualms about it. I'm not a big drinker, so I might have a cash bar, but I most certainly won't have an open bar because I'm not paying for my guests to drink as much as they want when I'll have 2 drinks max.

Let's reframe this. "I'm on a diet and don't eat much. I might have people pay for their entrees. I most certainly won't host all the food because I'm not paying for my guests to have serving sizes the size of Olive Garden's when all I need is a plain chicken breast and some green beans."

Just face it, you have a problem with people drinking alcohol. You look down on those who imbibe more than you do. That's pretty much what it comes down to for every snowflake who came before you who wants to make guests pay for booze.

AddieCake · July 2015

I really want to help, but there's no time. Don't you know there was pink font used over on CC, FFS?!

lildropofsunshine · July 2015

thisismynickname said:

lildropofsunshine said:

My sister's best friend had a cash bar, and I, a guest over 21 had absolutely no qualms about it. I'm not a big drinker, so I might have a cash bar, but I most certainly won't have an open bar because I'm not paying for my guests to drink as much as they want when I'll have 2 drinks max.

Let's reframe this. "I'm on a diet and don't eat much. I might have people pay for their entrees. I most certainly won't host all the food because I'm not paying for my guests to have serving sizes the size of Olive Garden's when all I need is a plain chicken breast and some green beans."

Just face it, you have a problem with people drinking alcohol. You look down on those who imbibe more than you do. That's pretty much what it comes down to for every snowflake who came before you who wants to make guests pay for booze.

Not true at all. I have no issues with those who choose to drink, just as I have no issues with those who choose not to, and I don't look down on either one of those groups.

Also, food is different than alcohol. Food is necessary for survival while alcohol is not by any means.

Jen4948 · July 2015

lildropofsunshine said:

thisismynickname said:

lildropofsunshine said:

My sister's best friend had a cash bar, and I, a guest over 21 had absolutely no qualms about it. I'm not a big drinker, so I might have a cash bar, but I most certainly won't have an open bar because I'm not paying for my guests to drink as much as they want when I'll have 2 drinks max.

Let's reframe this. "I'm on a diet and don't eat much. I might have people pay for their entrees. I most certainly won't host all the food because I'm not paying for my guests to have serving sizes the size of Olive Garden's when all I need is a plain chicken breast and some green beans."

Just face it, you have a problem with people drinking alcohol. You look down on those who imbibe more than you do. That's pretty much what it comes down to for every snowflake who came before you who wants to make guests pay for booze.

Not true at all. I have no issues with those who choose to drink, just as I have no issues with those who choose not to, and I don't look down on either one of those groups.

Also, food is different than alcohol. Food is necessary for survival while alcohol is not by any means.

Regardless of whether alcohol is necessary for survival or not, if you want to provide it, YOU pay for it-not your guests. Inviting people and then expecting them to pay for anything to save you money is rude and bad hosting. No one cares whether or not it gives you any qualms to have a cash bar, because that's not how politeness or good hosting is determined.

lc07 · July 2015

lildropofsunshine said:

thisismynickname said:

lildropofsunshine said:

My sister's best friend had a cash bar, and I, a guest over 21 had absolutely no qualms about it. I'm not a big drinker, so I might have a cash bar, but I most certainly won't have an open bar because I'm not paying for my guests to drink as much as they want when I'll have 2 drinks max.

Let's reframe this. "I'm on a diet and don't eat much. I might have people pay for their entrees. I most certainly won't host all the food because I'm not paying for my guests to have serving sizes the size of Olive Garden's when all I need is a plain chicken breast and some green beans."

Just face it, you have a problem with people drinking alcohol. You look down on those who imbibe more than you do. That's pretty much what it comes down to for every snowflake who came before you who wants to make guests pay for booze.

Not true at all. I have no issues with those who choose to drink, just as I have no issues with those who choose not to, and I don't look down on either one of those groups.

Also, food is different than alcohol. Food is necessary for survival while alcohol is not by any means.

So don't have alcohol as an option at your wedding. Crab cakes are not necessary for survival. Nor is foie gras or a side of lobster with your steak. I'd roll my eyes right out of my head if you offered a crab cake/foie gras/lobster upgrade with my steak if a server could run my credit card table-side. It's rude. Alcohol is no different.

banana468 · July 2015

lildropofsunshine said:

thisismynickname said:

lildropofsunshine said:

My sister's best friend had a cash bar, and I, a guest over 21 had absolutely no qualms about it. I'm not a big drinker, so I might have a cash bar, but I most certainly won't have an open bar because I'm not paying for my guests to drink as much as they want when I'll have 2 drinks max.

Let's reframe this. "I'm on a diet and don't eat much. I might have people pay for their entrees. I most certainly won't host all the food because I'm not paying for my guests to have serving sizes the size of Olive Garden's when all I need is a plain chicken breast and some green beans."

Just face it, you have a problem with people drinking alcohol. You look down on those who imbibe more than you do. That's pretty much what it comes down to for every snowflake who came before you who wants to make guests pay for booze.

Not true at all. I have no issues with those who choose to drink, just as I have no issues with those who choose not to, and I don't look down on either one of those groups.

Also, food is different than alcohol. Food is necessary for survival while alcohol is not by any means.

I have never been fed survival food at a wedding. I think it's a load of BS to say that it's cool to walk away with a full gut but not a full bladder and slightly taxed liver.

KnottieBoots · July 2015

Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but... it seems to me like the yes/no cash bar debate boils down to a class war.

Rural weddings tend to have cash bars and huge numbers of guests. Trendy urbanistas insist on a premium open bar -- and usually, far fewer guests (or more massive wedding debt). To each his own. No point in judging, it's just up to the bride and groom which is more to their taste. No one should be shamed into feeling the need to keep up with the Trumps.

AddieCake · July 2015

KnottieBoots said:

Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but... it seems to me like the yes/no cash bar debate boils down to a class war.

Rural weddings tend to have cash bars and huge numbers of guests. Trendy urbanistas insist on a premium open bar -- and usually, far fewer guests (or more massive wedding debt). To each his own. No point in judging, it's just up to the bride and groom which is more to their taste. No one should be shamed into feeling the need to keep up with the Trumps.

This is ridiculous. Once again, someone (you) has come along acting like it's cash bar or full open premium bar as the only options. There are so many other options, all of which don't have your guests providing beverages for your party. I didn't have a cash bar OR a full premium open bar. I had one of the many other options. Nobody expects anyone to keep up with anyone, and it has nothing to do with where people fall on the social class scale other than what's classy and what's tacky. This is not complicated.

lyndausvi · July 2015

KnottieBoots said:

Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but... it seems to me like the yes/no cash bar debate boils down to a class war.

Rural weddings tend to have cash bars and huge numbers of guests. Trendy urbanistas insist on a premium open bar -- and usually, far fewer guests (or more massive wedding debt). To each his own. No point in judging, it's just up to the bride and groom which is more to their taste. No one should be shamed into feeling the need to keep up with the Trumps.

Yeah, no.

My extended family is firmly middle class. Maybe even lower-to-middle class. Only 3 of my 24 first cousins went to college. They all seemed to be able to have open bars at their weddings. Granted some were only beer and wine. Others just well, beer and wine. At no time did we have to open up our wallets. It's called planning.

Yes, I personally come from a more upper class immediate family, but I learned how to host from my grandparents, aunt and uncles and of course my parents. My aunts and uncles grew up during the depression and WWII (my mom was born a few months after the war ended). There was never a time where you were not offered a drink at anything they hosted. Whether it be a Sunday afternoon at their home or at one of the weddings they through for their daughters.

A good host would never dream of asking their guests to help supplement their party. Ever.

kimmiinthemitten · July 2015

KnottieBoots said:

Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but... it seems to me like the yes/no cash bar debate boils down to a class war.

Rural weddings tend to have cash bars and huge numbers of guests. Trendy urbanistas insist on a premium open bar -- and usually, far fewer guests (or more massive wedding debt). To each his own. No point in judging, it's just up to the bride and groom which is more to their taste. No one should be shamed into feeling the need to keep up with the Trumps.

I don't think you mean class war because you basically just said rural dwellers are poor and simple and city/suburban dwellers are either rich or in debt. I think you're trying to pit city vs rural and not rich vs poor. Unless of course, you think life mirrors the Beverly Hillbillies, if so than carry on. Either way, my family is lower-middle class on average and every single one of them (including the people who live 4 hours from Detroit) have provided an open bar at their weddings. We had an open bar at the local Moose, the community center, and some guys pole barn.

randomslove · July 2015

I know my FBIL just had an open bar at his very small, inexpensive DIY-style backyard wedding. Has nothing to do with money or class and everything to do with planning and hosting...

justsie · July 2015

KnottieBoots said:

Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but... it seems to me like the yes/no cash bar debate boils down to a class war.

Rural weddings tend to have cash bars and huge numbers of guests. Trendy urbanistas insist on a premium open bar -- and usually, far fewer guests (or more massive wedding debt). To each his own. No point in judging, it's just up to the bride and groom which is more to their taste. No one should be shamed into feeling the need to keep up with the Trumps.

Yeah my whole family is lower class with the exception of my parents and myself. Never once has my family asked me to supplement the cost of my own "thank you" for coming to the wedding. No one is shaming someone for not being able to "keep up with the Trumps", but people are insisting that you host people at the party you are throwing for them properly.

banana468 · July 2015

I've been to DIY backyard weddings with jug wine and beer out of a keg .... and it was all hosted.

artbyallie · July 2015

KnottieBoots said:

Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but... it seems to me like the yes/no cash bar debate boils down to a class war.

Rural weddings tend to have cash bars and huge numbers of guests. Trendy urbanistas insist on a premium open bar -- and usually, far fewer guests (or more massive wedding debt). To each his own. No point in judging, it's just up to the bride and groom which is more to their taste. No one should be shamed into feeling the need to keep up with the Trumps.

Uh, no. I have been to several 'rural' weddings and not one had a cash bar. Actually most of them were dry, as it happens. You're the one judging here.

[Deleted User] · July 2015

randomslove said:

I know my FBIL just had an open bar at his very small, inexpensive DIY-style backyard wedding. Has nothing to do with money or class and everything to do with planning and hosting...

Exactly this. We Host people for football games, birthday parties, weddings, and random dinner parties. If we're inviting you over, we'll take care of everything.

TrixieJess · July 2015

KnottieBoots said:
Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but... it seems to me like the yes/no cash bar debate boils down to a class war.

Rural weddings tend to have cash bars and huge numbers of guests. Trendy urbanistas insist on a premium open bar -- and usually, far fewer guests (or more massive wedding debt). To each his own. No point in judging, it's just up to the bride and groom which is more to their taste. No one should be shamed into feeling the need to keep up with the Trumps.

Yeah, no. I've been to all kinds of weddings from budget to all out no holds barred and have never seen a cash bar. I didn't realise they were a thing until I started perusing wedding sites.

It's not about class unless you are talking about a lack thereof. It's about properly hosting your guests. I certainly don't expect people to come over to my house and have to purchase alcohol, why would I expect it at my wedding?

No Cash Bars- Your Family will NOT be Ok with It

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