Wedding planning and critical illness

Re: Wedding planning and critical illness

• artbyallie mod

  

  July 2015

  today10 said:

  My fiancé decided to postponed our nuptials twice last year (Sept & Dec) due to financial debt he had accumulated following his first marriage (messy divorce) that years later he was still paying off. We both agreed on the first date and I let him set the 2nd date based on when he thought he'd be ready. This summer his mother who is elderly fell and has been in the hospital for 2 months. Her health is declining and her prognosis is not good. My fiancé is very emotional, distraught and has mentioned canceling the wedding. I have been by his side and continue to try and comfort him as I understand what he is going through. Our wedding is in mid September and I'm not sure what to do. My planner and our pre marriage counselor sees no reason to postpone the wedding. We have been together 7 years. Has anyone been in this situation?

  So you are in counseling, which is good. But if he's put off the wedding twice already and wants to do it again, this time for a non-financial reason, I would be concerned that he doesn't really want to be married at all. Most engaged people react to an ailing parent by planning the wedding in such a way that the parent can attend rather than canceling the whole thing.

  

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• lembaslover member

  

  July 2015

  I agree with PP this is a big red flag to me. I can see delaying once but honestly even twice would be too much for me. You let him pick when he would be ready and either he just used the excuse that worked the first time or is very bad at planning financially and was not ready when he thought he'd be. Both are concerning as the first one shows that he's not ready and the second one would worry me because once you are married you are partners financially and I would not be marrying someone if they were not responsible financially.

  
  

  Then he tries to delay a 3rd time for his mother's illness. Honestly if one of my parents was very sick I'd be looking for ways to move the wedding up because I'd want them to see it, even if it meant forgoing my dream wedding and getting married in their hospital bed. 

  
  

  You say he had a messy divorce. Now I want to preface this statement with I'm not saying that divorced people can't get married again, that'd be ridiculous there are lots of reasons for divorce that make complete sense... But since this would be the 3rd time he's delaying maybe you should spend some time digging into what made the divorce so messy. Is his ex just batshit or did he make some bad choices too? Also I would acknowledge that he might not be ready for marriage since his last one, even if it has been 7 years.

  

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• ShesSoCold mod

  

  July 2015

  I agree with the PPs' points. That very well may be a possibility. 

  
  

  But I'll also offer my own two cents and experience. My husband and I had been together seven years when our wedding was scheduled to take place. Just over a month before our wedding, my mom was diagnosed as terminally ill. I wanted to cancel the wedding altogether and focus on my mom. We'll get married some other time. It really bothered me that people were talking about and worried about a wedding while my mom was dying. While she was enjoying her last few weeks of feeling well before being bedridden and dying. I just wanted to focus on her. That's it. But it was really important to her that she be at our wedding and see us get married. So we hurried up and planned a quick wedding during those last few weeks that she felt good. 

  
  

  Your fiance might feel similarly. Why stress and worry about a wedding - a happy occasion - at such a hard time in his life? 

  
  

  He also might not be. But you need to talk to him and figure out why he wants to postpone again. 

  
  

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