Too many bridesmaids?

snowywinter · August 2015

How many is too many bridesmaids? Let's be clear: I haven't asked anyone yet, but I have a close family and a lot of friends. My sister has to be my MOH because she's my best friend and has been since we were kids. I was a sorority girl and have a number of very close friends that I would like to honor. Right now, I have 7 on my list in addition to my sister, which makes 8. Then I have two very, very close male friends who I love like brothers, so if I ask them to be bridesmen, that would make 10 people on my side. My Fi has 4 groomsmen, but I don't care about uneven sides.

The kicker is, due to budget reasons the guest list is 100. Of the 100, we expect only 50-70 will come because of the date/location (we have the money and the venue has the capacity for 100% attendance just in case, but I don't see it happening).

I've read that you can have your bridal party walk down the aisle, then take a seat in the first row. Has anyone seen this? Does it look weird? I'm thinking about doing that so that we don't have a big crowd standing at the altar with such a smallish wedding.

Thoughts?

Maggie0829 · August 2015

Numbers really and truly don't matter. What matters is that you are asking those who are nearest and dearest to you and if your number is 7 or 10 then that is your number.

And I have been in a wedding where the wedding party sat until the vows were said, at which time we all took our place up at the alter with the couple. Once the vows were over we sat back down. But really, you don't need anyone to physically stand up there with you. So if you have them sit, that is perfectly fine and will not look weird at all.

You can have them sitting in the front row or I just saw a pic that I will attach where the wedding party sat at the alter (unsure of your ceremony setup) and faced the guests, kind of like how they would stand but they were sitting instead.

snowywinter · August 2015

Ooohh, I really like that idea. Hm, I don't know if it'll work with our venue, but I'm sending this to my Fi and we're definitely going to ask. Thank you!

[Deleted User] · August 2015

If the seven sorority sisters come as a group and you're feeling like 10 is too many, maybe only have your actual sister and your 'almost brothers' as your only attendants. Then you have three and he has four and your sister is the only girl up there. Though if you want to have 10, go for it. I'm just trying to offer options.

STARMOON44 · August 2015

I think 10 brides people out of 60 guests seems like a bit much. And I worry that means nearly every single friend you have will be in the bridal party, making any stragglers feel left out.

But I also just don't love the giant sorority sister wedding parties. Really? You're thisclose to 8 girls? I mean go for it if it feels right but it reads very juvenile to me.

mrscomposer · August 2015

I agree with @adk19. Since the sorority sisters are a gaggle on their own, I would have them sitting in the front row, and have your sister and two bridesmen up there with you.

MairePoppy · August 2015

My family is Catholic. For us, it's the norm to have the wedding party seated in the first row, parents and other VIPs in the second row. The MOH and best man are the only ones who stand with the bride and groom at the altar. It looks fine. Other advantage - the huge wedding party won't block the view of family members as you recite your vows.

There's no rule that says you shouldn't have 10 bms. If you feel close to all of them, ask them, but that is a huge wedding party. Keep in mind that you will have to buy bouquets, bouts, attendants gifts and you'll have to invite them and their SOs to the rehearsal dinner.

CMGragain · August 2015

You don't need ten bridesmaids. When is your wedding? You should not be choosing attendants until about eight to ten months out.
Remember, it is an honor to be asked to be a guest at a wedding. Ask your sorority sisters to be guests.

aliwis000 · August 2015

I agree with PP who have said to wait for a bit. I am not sure when you are getting married but for sure wait until 8-10 months before the wedding. You never know how friendships will change over the time between now and then.

That being said you can, in theory, have 20 people stand up with you if those are your nearest and dearest. Now for me, and this is JUST ME, I do not always understand how people can be that close to that many people. Maybe I just do not get close to many people, maybe I am too strict on my definition of how close I have to be to have them stand up at my wedding. But again, that is just me.

My guess is that you might be closer to some of the sorority girls then others but you might feel bad about picking a few over others. If this is the case you can always just let them all be guests and keep your two bridesmen and sister. On the other hand you can just have all 10. Remember this does create a bit more expense, each needs a gift, each needs flowers in some form (unless you are having them walk with nothing). So depending on your budget it might be a factor.

AddieCake · August 2015

peachy13 · August 2015

I have 9 bridesmaids and 2 flower girls. FI has 8 groomsmen and 1 ring bearer. Our wedding party is enormous but each person we asked to be in our wedding is an important person (whether sibling, future brother/sister in-law, childhood friend, college friend, cousin, etc.) to FI and me.

OliveOilsMom · August 2015

We had a Catholic wedding in a church with a small altar area. So all of our attendants sat in the front row. When it was time for the vows my 2 MOHs and H's BM came and stood with us while the rest of the BP stayed seated. We had 6 BMs and 3 GM.

snowywinter · August 2015

@peachy13 and @oliveoilsmom how many guests did you have at your wedding?

I never said that all my girls were sorority girls. I said that I was a sorority girl AND that I have a lot of close friends. Only 3 of the girls I'm thinking of are sorority girls.

peachy13 · August 2015

snowywinter said:

@peachy13 and @oliveoilsmom how many guests did you have at your wedding?

I never said that all my girls were sorority girls. I said that I was a sorority girl AND that I have a lot of close friends. Only 3 of the girls I'm thinking of are sorority girls.

I have 200 guest coming to my wedding but I would probably still have nine 9 bridesmaids even if I was having 60 guests.

OliveOilsMom · August 2015

snowywinter said:

peachy13 and oliveoilsmom how many guests did you have at your wedding?

I never said that all my girls were sorority girls. I said that I was a sorority girl AND that I have a lot of close friends. Only 3 of the girls I'm thinking of are sorority girls.

I had 105 people invited to our wedding, with a final count of 95.

IrishPirate60 · August 2015

If there are more people standing at the altar than there are in the chairs, you need to rethink the number of attendants.

snowywinter · August 2015

IrishPirate60 said:

If there are more people standing at the altar than there are in the chairs, you need to rethink the number of attendants.

If you read the original post, you would see that we're inviting 100.

julieanne912 · August 2015

I was a sorority girl too. Still only having one person stand up with me. After reading so many drama posts about wedding parties on here, I'm glad I'm sticking to just one.

Jen4948 · August 2015

snowywinter said:

IrishPirate60 said:

If there are more people standing at the altar than there are in the chairs, you need to rethink the number of attendants.

If you read the original post, you would see that we're inviting 100.

I don't think there's anything wrong with 100 guests, of whom 10 are bridesmaids. But if you don't want that many bridesmaids, I agree with @adk19's suggestion that you just have the actual sister and the bridesmen as attendants and seat your sorority sisters together.

MGP · August 2015

snowywinter said:

The kicker is, due to budget reasons the guest list is 100. Of the 100, we expect only 50-70 will come because of the date/location (we have the money and the venue has the capacity for 100% attendance just in case, but I don't see it happening).

Can you please explain why you think you will have a low turnout based on the location and date? Is it a destination spot? Is it on a weekday or a holiday? Just remember any date/location will not be convenient for all of your guests but when you (general you) make things costly and cumbersome for your guests you may want to rethink your plans. If I thought only half could/would show, I would certainly take a second look at my priorities.

Personally I think a bridal party that is more than 10% of the guest list is odd (yes, I know this is my own arbitrary number) because it makes you look like you can't pick your nearest and dearest. I would just go with your sister and guy friends, and let your fiancé pick his side.

The decision is up to you though. Just remember if you go with the proposed number of 14 total YOUR obligations are to cover:

Gifts for all and it can't be jewelry for the big day (see below).

Flowers/bouts for all.

Any accessories or services you want to require like hair, makeup, nails, shoes, and jewelry. If you aren't willing to foot the bill you must be ok with whatever they decide to do. You must also get their dress budget from each one privately, and stay well below the lowest price point given.

Hosting them + their SO at the rehearsal dinner. That's 28 people right there (31 including bride, groom, and officiant) and starts the guest list for the RD quite high by default. Super important to consider if someone else is planning on hosting your RD.

Hosting them + their SO at the wedding. 28 people is a third of your total guest list, and about half of your expected show rate.

Throwing out some very rough estimates if you did $50 gifts, $25 average for flowers, didn't require hair or anything like that, $50/pp at the RD and $100/pp at the wedding that's well over $5000 just to have that size bridal party. There is a much greater financial burden of having a large wedding party than people realize. Just consider all if this before making your decision, and good luck!

snowywinter · August 2015

MGP said:

snowywinter said:

The kicker is, due to budget reasons the guest list is 100. Of the 100, we expect only 50-70 will come because of the date/location (we have the money and the venue has the capacity for 100% attendance just in case, but I don't see it happening).

Can you please explain why you think you will have a low turnout based on the location and date? Is it a destination spot? Is it on a weekday or a holiday? Just remember any date/location will not be convenient for all of your guests but when you (general you) make things costly and cumbersome for your guests you may want to rethink your plans. If I thought only half could/would show, I would certainly take a second look at my priorities.

The wedding will be the week before Christmas at a location about an hour from our home, but in a town that is a plane trip for the majority of our guest list due to the fact that we have friends and family across the country. Neither of us live in the towns/states we grew up in and our families are not here. Not to mention we both attended college and grad school in other states, so friends from there that we're still in touch with will also have to fly.

So no, it isn't a destination wedding, but for them, it might as well be. There was no central location we could make work, so it is what it is.

Thanks for the breakdown of wedding party costs. I knew all that, but I hadn't done the math. Yikes! Scary when I think about it that way.

Too many bridesmaids?

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