Should I ask her to be MOH?

Re: Should I ask her to be MOH?

• Maggie0829 member

  

  September 2015

  You don't have to have a MOH.

  
  

  The only way she would feel overwhelmed is if you put pressure on her to do more then what she is required, which is to show up on at your wedding in the chosen attire and ready to smile for pictures.

  
  

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  September 2015

  You don't have to have an MOH.

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• Pupatella member

  

  September 2015

  You don't have to have a MOH, but if you want her to be your MOH, I don't see anything wrong with asking her.

  
  

  I would just have an open conversation with her, and be understanding if she can't commit to that.

  
  

  Also, is your wedding kid friendly where she could bring her new son/daughter? That might help her say yes.

  
  

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• AJC430 member

  

  September 2015

  @pupatella - our ceremony will allow children (we will likely have a babysitter at the church), but the reception will not likely have children. Thanks for the advice.

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• artbyallie mod

  

  September 2015 edited September 2015

  AJC430 said:

  @pupatella - our ceremony will allow children (we will likely have a babysitter at the church), but the reception will not likely have children. Thanks for the advice.

  Okay, you can't tell people they can bring their kids to the ceremony but then have to take them home. Everyone, of whatever age, must be invited to the WHOLE wedding, not part of it. The reception is the thank you for attending the ceremony. You also cannot expect people to leave their child(ren) with a stranger of your choice.

  
  

  ETA: You are certainly free to not invite children at all. The problem comes in kicking them out midway through.

  

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• AJC430 member

  

  September 2015

  @artbyallie understood! Thanks! 

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• AddieCake member

  

  September 2015

  If you want someone to be the MOH, you ask her. There should be nothing going on in her life that needs to be factored in because the role requires no more than any other bridesmaid.

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• DecemberKnot2016 member

  

  September 2015

  As others have said, you don't need a MOH. But my question to you would be is the reason you're not choosing the others because of the things you've listed in your post? Because if so, you're going about this all wrong.
  

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• mollybarker11 member

  

  September 2015

  Yeah those last two comments sum it up for me.

  
  

  If your pregnant friend has already agreed to be a bridesmaid, she will not be "overwhelmed" by the additional responsibility (of, what, holding your bouquet during the ceremony?) just because she has an infant. It's fine.

  
  

  If your favourite of the group is one of the others, you should ask her. Living near you and drinking are not remotely related to being a MOH.

  
  

  
  

  But to answer your last question: No, you do not need to have a MOH.

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• aurianna member

  

  September 2015 edited September 2015

  I'm going to give some information that might help you choose:
  
  
  The following are the requirements of the MOH:
  
  Show up to the wedding, on time, in the agree upon attire (of which you asked her budget for, individually, before picking). She might hold your bouquet or fix your train and/or sign your marriage license during the ceremony. It would also be nice if she could smile for pictures.
  
  
  The following are NOT requirements of the MOH (or anyone in the bridal party):
  
  Hosting or attending showers
  Hosting or attending bach-parties
  Attending bridesmaid lunches/events
  Attending group dress outings
  Giving a speech at the wedding
  Helping with wedding planning
  Helping with DIY projects
  Helping setup/tear down at the wedding
  Showing up before the wedding (it's nice if she can make the rehearsal but she'll probably be fine if she can't).
  
  
  Just putting that there in case any of that is influencing your decision. This is why there's no issue with someone who lives far away or who is underage, being the MOH.
  Pretty much everything on that list is optional and any bridal party members, friends, family, etc can do it or not do it.
  
  
  Also, with kids, as PPs have said, you can't invite kids to the ceremony and not the reception. You can totally not invite kids at all and that's fine. But you can also make exceptions. If you just invite children of the wedding party to ceremony & reception that could be fine too. So you can definitely invite your friend's baby and still not need to invite a bunch of other kids.
  

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