I became engaged last year and quickly knew who my MOH and one BM was however had to take some time landing on my third name- my partner and I were looking to match and he has a group of three really close friends. My MOH (T) is someone I met thru my job about 4 years ago and became crazy close to, one BM ( M) has been a childhood friend for 20+ years and then my second BM (C) is a friend of both T and myself. I think I part landed on asking C because I was asking T and the three of us had been hanging out over the last year as a group and were people I though of as friends and knew both my partner and I.
T has been out of town since mid spring with a work opp and we talk all the time ( about both wedding and non wedding things equally). However in the time that T has been gone I feel that my friendship with C has disappeared ( and from talking with T it seems that is true of hers as well). Without having to go into too many examples it has felt that C doesn't want to "deal" with me ( she has fully used those words in convo with me before) and that its more of a hassle to interact with me. C has asked me a handful of times how T is doing and told me she needs to text her, however in convos with T she has told me in the entire time she has been gone C has not reached out to her once. The last time that C and I texted as friends was mid May and then a work reason in August.
I currently am questioning whether C truly wants to be involved in this special event for my partner and I or more just feels that have to because they said yes last year. The environment we are in at work is strongly rooted in candour and speaking your truth. Currently when T returns to our city we are going to ask C to coffee to catch up and I am planning on seeing how the time goes and then asking C to be open with me. Originally when I started to think about this coffee date my plan was to ask C if she truly wants to be involved and share how I've been feeling surrounding our relationship. And then take their answer from there. However as more time has gone by more comments have been made while interacting at work and I am now leaning towards sharing that we've drifted and unasking her involvement. I believe I would rather her not be there then be there and not want to.
Some of the comments have included things like the pervious mentioned I just cant deal with you and most recently a co-worker was asking me excitingly about wedding-ness and C was in the room and said oh yeah, hows that thing going with a sarcastic edge to it.
Thoughts? Comments? Do I ask her and give her the space to step out or should I trust my gut and ask her to step down?