Not asking sister to be a BM (vent/rant)

CMGragain · October 2015

When I worked as a church organist, I saw a few weddings that I privately side-eyed. One in particular haunts me. A 17-year-old, VERY pregnant bride was marrying a youngish groom, who showed up to the ceremony high and reeking of marijuana.. While I was playing the prelude, he stumbled up to me, threw his arms around me, and slurred, "Man, you are beautiful!" I was disgusted, but I kept playing.
Afterwards I questioned the pastor. He told me that he decided to let those two young people have a chance at success. It was up to the two of them whether it worked, or not, and we shouldn't judge.
Maybe you should remember this when thinking of your sister.
No, you don't have to ask her to be a bridesmaid. Keep your mouth SHUT about any negative opinions you have of her. It only makes you look bad.

randomslove · October 2015

ChicagoBride2017 said:

The difference is that you are close to your brother. I am not close to my sister. Ever since she beat the pulp out of me because I wouldn't let her drive home drunk, things have not been so rosey between us. I am also harboring bad feelings toward her because at her rehearsal, she said that nobody was giving her away/walking down the aisle with her, while our dad was 5 feet away! He was crushed. I could care less about my sister's feelings because she does the same shit right back.

I am grateful that my brother and I have a great relationship, and he is standing up on FI's side (brother's GF is one of my BM).

As previous posters (including myself) have said-- if you're not close to your sister, don't ask her. You are under no obligation.

Also, saying you could care less implies that you care. I also feel it's a little childish that you don't care about another person's emotions who you claim to care about...

downtondiva · October 2015

If you're not close with your sister, that's reason enough not to have her in your bridal party. None of the other stuff is relevant.

And if you want bridesmaids who respect the "sanctity of marriage," does that mean you couldn't ask anyonw who isn't married, since they can't prove their respect of marriage? Just seems an odd standard to me.

vanadisisland · October 2015

If you aren't close to your sister, don't ask her, its that simple. Your 'reasons' are just you being horribly judgemental.

[Deleted User] · October 2015

"I feel that she is not a good example of what marriage is and that's why she will not be a bridesmaid."

So, does that mean you should only have married bridesmaids? Unmarried bridesmaids aren't a good example of what marriage is because, they're not married.

If you don't want her to be a bridesmaid, don't ask her. Simple as that.

ETA: @downtondiva beat me to it.

southernbelle0915 · October 2015

OK a few things:

- Weddings aren't tit for tat. Just because you were her MOH doesn't mean she needs to be in your wedding.
- Siblings are not automatically in the WP. Ask them if you're close, don't ask if you're not.
- Stop judging.

About that last one...all the garbage about her elopement to Vegas, subsequent PPD, failed first marriage, relationship prior to official divorce (this is common if a couple is separated), her talk about a DW, and her pins about baby stuff are totally red herrings.

You aren't close to her. Bottom line. So don't ask her. But don't use petty reasoning like "well she doesn't respect the sanctity of marriage" or "she hasn't been to church in a long time, it's a sham"... It all makes YOU look bad. Not her.

GamersElope16 · October 2015

scribe95 said:

Wow, I have no idea why you two aren't close!

I know people who have been married 20 years and are still together and have horrible marriages. I know people who aren't married who are wonderful examples of love and loyalty.

Open up your mind a little.

--------------------------------------
Not everyone has a peachy relationship with their sibling. My sister is 5 years older than me and if you all think I'm judgmental, she is 100x's worse.

My brother and I are a completely different story. I am 2 years older than him and we get along great.

AddieCake · November 2015

You're making this more complicated than necessary. None of the details matter. You don't like your sister, so don't ask her to be in the wedding. But her not fitting the mold of what a model relationship looks like should not be a factor.

Not asking sister to be a BM (vent/rant)

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