Mother in law is mean!!

Re: Mother in law is mean!!

• Knottie1439960789 member

  

  November 2015

  She has also belittled me this whole time. She told me that she saw the ring that my fiancé had picked out as his wedding ring. She said to me I hope you make good money....wtf. Just to give you guys a concept the ring was $2400 .. And I make 110a year. She has no clue about my financial situation.. And just thinks I'm not making very much because I'm a graphic designer. 

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• randomslove member

  

  November 2015

  If this isn't MUD then your FI needs to learn to stand up for you and you need to learn to let things roll off your shoulders. Also, we don't need to know how much your ring was and how much you make. If your ring was costume jewelry from Walmart and you made 150 a month babysitting, your feelings on her being rude to make snide comments would be just as valid. Good luck. Your wedding sounds nice.

  
  
  
  
  
  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  November 2015 edited November 2015

  How much you make or your wedding rings cost isn't relevant, because comments like "I hope you make good money" aren't appropriate, period.
  
  That said, your FI needs to be the one to shut down his mother's snide comments toward you. If he doesn't, I would say to her, "I'm sorry you don't like our plans, but FI and I made them together and they're final" and stop talking about your wedding with her.
  
  I'd also carefully consider whether or not I want to marry someone who doesn't stand up for me with his family, because if he is indifferent to your feelings or unwilling to put a stop to their treatment of you now, it won't get better after the wedding. Counseling might be helpful.

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• Jen4948 member

  

  November 2015 edited November 2015

  randomslove said:

  If this isn't MUD then your FI needs to learn to stand up for you and you need to learn to let things roll off your shoulders. Also, we don't need to know how much your ring was and how much you make. If your ring was costume jewelry from Walmart and you made 150 a month babysitting, your feelings on her being rude to make snide comments would be just as valid. Good luck. Your wedding sounds nice.

  Letting it roll off her shoulders only works for so long. Everyone becomes frustrated when expected to suck up nonstop rudeness.
  
  The FMIL needs to be told politely to stop it, ideally by the FI, but ultimately by the OP if the FI doesn't. Otherwise, the FMIL will keep running her mouth.

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• AddieCake member

  

  November 2015

  Your fiancé should have told her your wedding is just as much a wedding as anyone else's.

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• MesmrEwe member

  

  November 2015

  Learn the fine art of "Bean Dip"!  It's going to serve you well because this is something that you're going to deal with in your marriage.

  Chances are there's a reason she's unhappy with your plans.  Whether it's because you never talked to her about her hopes for your day or ???  Once the elephant in the room is uncovered, chances are the issue will die on its own.  This is something only your FI should handle because it's a "Blood talks to blood" issue.  It does need to get dealt with though in the proper setting and time away from others though!

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• CMGragain member

  

  November 2015 edited November 2015

  My sympathies.  My SIL had the most expensive, extravagant wedding Des Moines, Iowa, had ever seen.  She was 18 years old at the time.  The following year, we had a simple church ceremony with a cake and punch reception.  I know some people were disappointed that it wasn't going to be another big bash with open bar, live band, orchids on the tables, etc.  My FMIL was perfectly awful about it.
  Too bad.  We have been happily married for 39 years - very likely happier than my SIL, who has had many challenges in her married life.  That is more important, IMHO, than how fancy your wedding will be.
  

  

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• randomslove member

  

  November 2015

  @Jen4948 and OP-- my apologies if I didn't speak clearly enough. I meant that both should be done in combination, though you're also right that the OP needs to do something if the FI won't. If he does speak to her, things may never be perfect even if they're better. At times she may have to pick her battle.
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  November 2015

  randomslove said:

  @Jen4948 and OP-- my apologies if I didn't speak clearly enough. I meant that both should be done in combination, though you're also right that the OP needs to do something if the FI won't. If he does speak to her, things may never be perfect even if they're better. At times she may have to pick her battle.
  

  I agree that yes, it's important to pick your battles, but I think a battle becomes worth picking if you're expected to repeatedly put up with rude treatment by someone who should have your back but doesn't.
  

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