Time between the ceremony and the reception

ChloEm33 · December 2015

Our ceremony will start at 5pm and will be right next door to where the reception will be held. I am torn between having the cocktail hour start right after the ceremony or having a half hour space and starting it at 6pm. I hate to keep my guests waiting but I also want to be able to take some quick pictures and then enjoy most of the cocktail hour with our guests. The ceremony/reception is at a ski resort where probably about 40-50% of our guests will be staying and there are a few bars located on the resort within walking distance. Should we have cocktail hour start right away at 5:30 or would it be ok for it to start at 6pm?

spockforprez · December 2015

I think you should start it right away. You'd still have 30 minutes to enjoy it!

kimmiinthemitten · December 2015

Knottie60949501 said:

Our ceremony will start at 5pm and will be right next door to where the reception will be held. I am torn between having the cocktail hour start right after the ceremony or having a half hour space and starting it at 6pm. I hate to keep my guests waiting but I also want to be able to take some quick pictures and then enjoy most of the cocktail hour with our guests. The ceremony/reception is at a ski resort where probably about 40-50% of our guests will be staying and there are a few bars located on the resort within walking distance. Should we have cocktail hour start right away at 5:30 or would it be ok for it to start at 6pm?

If you do a first look you could still enjoy the majority of the cocktail hour.

Either way, I'd begin hosting the cocktail hour right away. IMO, it's rude to ask your guests for sit around for 30 minutes waiting for you to be ready to begin.

Maggie0829 · December 2015

You should start cocktail hour immediately after your ceremony is complete.

If you don't want to do a first look, then take any and all pictures you can with your family and wedding party prior to the ceremony and then after you can take pictures with just your SO. This way you would still have a good 30 minutes to enjoy your cocktail hour.

Just because you want to attend cocktail hour doesn't mean that you should make the rest of your guests wait.

banana468 · December 2015

Start it right away. Let the guests start to eat and then you join them when the photos are done.

MyNameIsNot · December 2015

Cocktail hour should start right after. You'd seriously consider making your guests stand around and wait for you for half an hour to start? WTF?

If you want to be at most/all of cocktail hour, take your photos before the ceremony.

lyndausvi · December 2015

right away. It's rude for your guests to wait just so you can take some pictures. That is the whole point of the cocktail hour. Your guests are entertained while you take pictures.

Jen4948 · December 2015

Start the cocktail hour right away. Don't keep your guests standing around waiting for you to take photos with no place to sit and nothing to eat or drink.

Sadly, I think due to venue error as opposed to conscious planning, that happened at my brother's wedding. Even once some 30 minutes or so of photos were taken following the ceremony (same venue as the reception), the venue staff had not finished setting up the reception room and kept everyone standing in a really tight little spot in front of it for another 15 to 20 minutes.

levioosa · December 2015

Start it right away. The care of your guests trumps pictures.

Viczaesar · December 2015

Knottie60949501 said:

Our ceremony will start at 5pm and will be right next door to where the reception will be held. I am torn between having the cocktail hour start right after the ceremony or having a half hour space and starting it at 6pm. I hate to keep my guests waiting but I also want to be able to take some quick pictures and then enjoy most of the cocktail hour with our guests. The ceremony/reception is at a ski resort where probably about 40-50% of our guests will be staying and there are a few bars located on the resort within walking distance. Should we have cocktail hour start right away at 5:30 or would it be ok for it to start at 6pm?

It's not okay to make your guests wait around for you for a half an hour, especially not so that you can be selfish and enjoy cocktail hour as well. The whole point of cocktail hour is to host your guests while you do pictures.

thisismynickname2 · December 2015

I'm going to chime in because many people have said the "point" of a cocktail hour is to keep people entertained while the couple does pictures.
Perhaps it was true at one time, but for lurkers' benefit, it doesn't have to be. We did a first look and did ALL portraits (including our parents and siblings) before the ceremony. So after the ceremony, we walked into cocktail hour right along with all our guests and started socializing. Now then, we'd asked our photographer for a photojournalism style, but as it turns out, a lot of DH's extended family wanted group photos. So one of our two photogs snapped people drinking and socializing with passed apps while the other took group photos for anyone who wanted them in another area of the reception space. (I was only needed for perhaps 5 minutes.)
Then the DJ announced it was time for dinner; the bridal party ducked outside the room and we were still formally announced into dinner.

So, if a couple wants to enjoy cocktail hour and socializing before the meal, it can be done.
Edit: clarity.

JediElizabeth · December 2015

scribe95 said:
It can be done but there really is no point. Basically the reception has started then.

There's still a difference in format between the cocktail hour and formal dinner. Whether or not the couple is present, I still think it's nice to have a chance to get drinks and chat with people before sitting down for a formal dinner.

Also, it gives people something to do if the ceremony space needs to be turned around into a dinner & dancing space for the reception.

ChloEm33 · December 2015

I guess I should have mentioned that the guests would have the opportunity to go to the bar during that half hour...and the main reason I don't want to miss the cocktail hour, or half hour in my case, is so I can mingle with the guest and make sure we talk to everyone since we won't be having a receiving line and have a large invite list...not sure if that changes anyone's opinion..

redwoodoriginal · December 2015

Knottie60949501 said:

I guess I should have mentioned that the guests would have the opportunity to go to the bar during that half hour...and the main reason I don't want to miss the cocktail hour, or half hour in my case, is so I can mingle with the guest and make sure we talk to everyone since we won't be having a receiving line and have a large invite list...not sure if that changes anyone's opinion..

Nope. Etiquette is etiquette. You have to host your guests the entire time. You need to provide food if you're providing alcohol, so just start the cocktail hour immediately post-ceremony and then join them for the end of it... and then you can talk to everyone during table visits during dinner... doesn't matter if its a large list, you need to find a time to talk to all your guests...

For what it's worth, we hosted a cocktail hour and only missed half an hour of it to take a few pictures after the ceremony, then we were able to join the cocktail hour and mingle with some of the guests until it was time for dinner.

kimmiinthemitten · December 2015

Knottie60949501 said:

I guess I should have mentioned that the guests would have the opportunity to go to the bar during that half hour...and the main reason I don't want to miss the cocktail hour, or half hour in my case, is so I can mingle with the guest and make sure we talk to everyone since we won't be having a receiving line and have a large invite list...not sure if that changes anyone's opinion..

It doesn't, to be honest. Your entire event should be hosted, so asking guests to pay for their own beverages for that 30 minutes is still rude. If I were your guest I would assume you had a cash bar. Also, if the guests can still drink at the same bar they'll be served from for the reception, there's a good chance the bartenders could still be setting up since their itinerary will say bar at 6 and the guests are really arriving at 5:30.

But you do need to consider a game plan to make sure you have time to greet everyone. Have you added table visits to your timeline? I didn't want to do a receiving line but likely will since there's a pass through to the cocktail side and we also have a large guest list.

aurianna · December 2015

Knottie60949501 said:

I guess I should have mentioned that the guests would have the opportunity to go to the bar during that half hour...and the main reason I don't want to miss the cocktail hour, or half hour in my case, is so I can mingle with the guest and make sure we talk to everyone since we won't be having a receiving line and have a large invite list...not sure if that changes anyone's opinion..

You aren't "giving them the opportunity to go to the bar." You would be making your guests kill a half hour of time where they'd have to leave the site, go into a crowded bar (definitely crowded if your guest list is large), pay for their own drinks, then walk back to where they just were.

Trust me. Your guests would rather leave the ceremony, go straight to the reception, have their drinks paid for, and mingle with the people they already know, in a comfortable setting.

Don't put your preference to mingle above that of every single one of the rest of your guests. Un-hosted gaps are rude.

We did first look pictures. So we were able to come back for part of the cocktail hour. Don't count out this option.

Also, I'm not sure how mingling during cocktail hour is going to get you to everybody. Do a receiving line or table visits or you are inevitably going to miss people to thank them for coming.

holyguacamole79 · December 2015

Ditto PPs. If I were a guest and was expected to go from the ceremony to a bar (and pay for my own drink) and then back to the same venue for the reception, I'd be really annoyed.

Something else to consider ... your ceremony ends at 5:30. People will likely linger for a few minutes. Now it's 5:35. Let's say it takes 5 minutes to walk to the bar. Now it's 5:40. Considering it takes 5 mintues to walk from the bar to the reception, your guests would need to leave by 5:55 to get back by 6:00. If you have 100 guests (excluding those in pictures), that's a LOT of people to be served by a bar (or maybe 2-3 bars) within 15 minutes. 15 minutes isn't that much time to order a drink, wait for it, drink it, and cash out. It would be very hard for them to all make it back to your venue for the cocktail hour to start at 6:00. You'd likelly have stragglers, which would cut into the time you'd have to mingle.

Table visits during dinner is your best option. We had a day-of-coordinator who helped us make sure that we kept to a schedule and didn't take too long (2-3 minutes / table is a good amount of time). That way, people for the most part are in one spot (at their table) where you can make a solid attempt to greet them.

Jen4948 · December 2015

Knottie60949501 said:

I guess I should have mentioned that the guests would have the opportunity to go to the bar during that half hour...and the main reason I don't want to miss the cocktail hour, or half hour in my case, is so I can mingle with the guest and make sure we talk to everyone since we won't be having a receiving line and have a large invite list...not sure if that changes anyone's opinion..

Sorry, but guests don't want "the opportunity to go to the bar during that half hour." Especially if they are charged for drinks. If you want them to stick around for that half hour, pay for the drinks yourself. Don't just send your guests to the bar-many of them don't see that as any "opportunity" except to leave your reception and not come back at all.

lyndausvi · December 2015

If you want to be at the cocktail hour so bad then either do first looks so you have limited shots after the ceremony. And/or extended the cocktail hour by 15-30 minutes.

Sending your guests to a bar for 30 minutes on their own dime should NOT be one of your options.

We did first looks and most of the pictures before the ceremony. We did about 20 mins of pictures after. That was mostly because we were to have a beach wedding and I had wanted beach shots. But there was a strong tropical storm and we couldn't do them before. Well the eye of the storm happened during cocktail hour, so the photographer whisked DH and I out to the beach to get a few shots in before the other side of the storm pushed in.

Anyway, we attended some of the cocktail hour, but not all. No big deal. We still had 4 more hours to see people. The venue had special plates made up so we could have some of the cocktail hour food. They made sure we had cocktails too.

Maggie0829 · December 2015

We didn't attend cocktail hour at all, but we still had plates of apps and drinks brought to us to snack on while we got pictures taken. In fact, as soon as H and I walked back up the aisle there was a server standing there with a tray of mini crab cakes which I immediately grabbed and scarfed down.

I also think that table visits are a necessary thing if you aren't having a receiving line. During cocktail hour people are up and moving around. There is no way for a couple to be able to hit up everyone in such a limited amount of time without missing some people. So even if you attend cocktail hour you should also do table visits.

thisismynickname2 · December 2015

scribe95 said:

It can be done but there really is no point. Basically the reception has started then.

It's interesting that you say this, because maybe we're just working with different semantics. I consider cocktail hour part of the reception. Like, I'm on a huge Gilmore Girls binge-watching trip right now. When Lorelai and Rory go to the grandparents' house for "Friday Night Dinner" they always start with cocktails in the sitting room before dinner begins. It's their cocktail hour. They're there for dinner but cocktails simply come first.

And anyway, I would find it weird if I was ushered from a ceremony to a table to sit down and eat a meal. I don't think it's in human nature to do that. After a church ceremony, people congregate in the lobby and parking lot and talk to people. After a secular ceremony, people start talking and congregating anywhere after the couple has retreated down the aisle. People are going to mingle and it's herding cats to expect otherwise. Hosting that mingling time with drinks and munchies just makes a lot of sense to me... and I was happy to mingle with guests during mine rather than be taking a million more formal pictures.

STARMOON44 · December 2015

thisismynickname said:

scribe95 said:

It can be done but there really is no point. Basically the reception has started then.

It's interesting that you say this, because maybe we're just working with different semantics. I consider cocktail hour part of the reception. Like, I'm on a huge Gilmore Girls binge-watching trip right now. When Lorelai and Rory go to the grandparents' house for "Friday Night Dinner" they always start with cocktails in the sitting room before dinner begins. It's their cocktail hour. They're there for dinner but cocktails simply come first.

And anyway, I would find it weird if I was ushered from a ceremony to a table to sit down and eat a meal. I don't think it's in human nature to do that. After a church ceremony, people congregate in the lobby and parking lot and talk to people. After a secular ceremony, people start talking and congregating anywhere after the couple has retreated down the aisle. People are going to mingle and it's herding cats to expect otherwise. Hosting that mingling time with drinks and munchies just makes a lot of sense to me... and I was happy to mingle with guests during mine rather than be taking a million more formal pictures.

Agreed.

Maggie0829 · December 2015

thisismynickname said:

scribe95 said:

It can be done but there really is no point. Basically the reception has started then.

It's interesting that you say this, because maybe we're just working with different semantics. I consider cocktail hour part of the reception. Like, I'm on a huge Gilmore Girls binge-watching trip right now. When Lorelai and Rory go to the grandparents' house for "Friday Night Dinner" they always start with cocktails in the sitting room before dinner begins. It's their cocktail hour. They're there for dinner but cocktails simply come first.

And anyway, I would find it weird if I was ushered from a ceremony to a table to sit down and eat a meal. I don't think it's in human nature to do that. After a church ceremony, people congregate in the lobby and parking lot and talk to people. After a secular ceremony, people start talking and congregating anywhere after the couple has retreated down the aisle. People are going to mingle and it's herding cats to expect otherwise. Hosting that mingling time with drinks and munchies just makes a lot of sense to me... and I was happy to mingle with guests during mine rather than be taking a million more formal pictures.

I agree with this too. Cocktail hour to me is all part of the reception. We, I believe, on here tend to break it out into ceremony, cocktail hour and reception for timeline purposes, but in reality cocktail hour is part of the reception.

PrettyGirlLost · December 2015

Yes, cocktail hour is part of the reception, and it's typically the part that occurs while the bride and groom are taking pictures.

If you as the bride and groom want to be present for the cocktail hour, then your options are to do a 1st look and limited pictures post ceremony, extend the cocktail hour by 15mins-30mins so that you can participate, have a "cocktail"/food station reception rather than a formal, sit down dinner, or just make sure the apps served during cocktail hour are available to you during dinner. You can have your venue/caterer save you a tray.

You need to start your reception- cocktail hour- right after your ceremony, no gaps just because you want to take pictures AND have apps.

lembaslover · December 2015

thisismynickname said:

scribe95 said:

It can be done but there really is no point. Basically the reception has started then.

It's interesting that you say this, because maybe we're just working with different semantics. I consider cocktail hour part of the reception. Like, I'm on a huge Gilmore Girls binge-watching trip right now. When Lorelai and Rory go to the grandparents' house for "Friday Night Dinner" they always start with cocktails in the sitting room before dinner begins. It's their cocktail hour. They're there for dinner but cocktails simply come first.

And anyway, I would find it weird if I was ushered from a ceremony to a table to sit down and eat a meal. I don't think it's in human nature to do that. After a church ceremony, people congregate in the lobby and parking lot and talk to people. After a secular ceremony, people start talking and congregating anywhere after the couple has retreated down the aisle. People are going to mingle and it's herding cats to expect otherwise. Hosting that mingling time with drinks and munchies just makes a lot of sense to me... and I was happy to mingle with guests during mine rather than be taking a million more formal pictures.

I'm on a huge Gilmore Girls binge now too! I'm always so jealous of the Friday Night Dinner cocktails. I wish my parents would do cocktails before dinner haha. We're hosting Christmas Eve this year for my husbands family and definitely doing cocktails before dinner!

But anyways we didn't have a first look so we did all of our formals and even drove around to different cool sites on the property to do photos of just us and we still got back with 15 minutes left in our cocktail hour. I had people save me a plate of food so I got to snack and mingle for 15 minutes, it was great! An hour was definitely long enough and our guests had something to do that was hosted by us right away! If you don't think 15 minutes is enough do a few less photos (we have like 500 from the cocktail hour alone so cutting that short would still leave you with plenty of pictures) or just tack on 15 minutes to your cocktail hour. That is of course if you are against having a first look like my now husband was, it's still possible to enjoy part of your cocktail hour.

Knottie1440620369 · December 2015

kimmiinthemitten said:

If I were your guest I would assume you had a cash bar.

aurianna said:

You would be making your guests kill a half hour of time where they'd have to leave the site, go into a crowded bar (definitely crowded if your guest list is large), pay for their own drinks, then walk back to where they just were.
I'm not advocating for extra time between the ceremony and reception, but OP said "guests would have the opportunity to go to the bar".
There was no specific mention of a cash bar. You know what they say about assumptions...

lyndausvi · December 2015

Knottie1440620369 said:

kimmiinthemitten said:

If I were your guest I would assume you had a cash bar.

aurianna said:

You would be making your guests kill a half hour of time where they'd have to leave the site, go into a crowded bar (definitely crowded if your guest list is large), pay for their own drinks, then walk back to where they just were.
I'm not advocating for extra time between the ceremony and reception, but OP said "guests would have the opportunity to go to the bar".
There was no specific mention of a cash bar. You know what they say about assumptions...

I'm not going to assume there is a cash bar for the reception itself.

However, if the guests have an opportunity to go to a hosted bar then their cocktail hour would be starting then, No?

So it's not a far stretch to think their opportunity to go to the bar would be on their own dime. Because, like I said, if it was hosted then that would be the start of the cocktail hour and this whole thread would be moot.

PrettyGirlLost · December 2015

thisismynickname said:

scribe95 said:

It can be done but there really is no point. Basically the reception has started then.

It's interesting that you say this, because maybe we're just working with different semantics. I consider cocktail hour part of the reception. Like, I'm on a huge Gilmore Girls binge-watching trip right now. When Lorelai and Rory go to the grandparents' house for "Friday Night Dinner" they always start with cocktails in the sitting room before dinner begins. It's their cocktail hour. They're there for dinner but cocktails simply come first.

And anyway, I would find it weird if I was ushered from a ceremony to a table to sit down and eat a meal. I don't think it's in human nature to do that. After a church ceremony, people congregate in the lobby and parking lot and talk to people. After a secular ceremony, people start talking and congregating anywhere after the couple has retreated down the aisle. People are going to mingle and it's herding cats to expect otherwise. Hosting that mingling time with drinks and munchies just makes a lot of sense to me... and I was happy to mingle with guests during mine rather than be taking a million more formal pictures.

So who is cooking if they are sitting around, slamming Manhattans?

lyndausvi · December 2015

PrettyGirlLost said:

thisismynickname said:

scribe95 said:

It can be done but there really is no point. Basically the reception has started then.

It's interesting that you say this, because maybe we're just working with different semantics. I consider cocktail hour part of the reception. Like, I'm on a huge Gilmore Girls binge-watching trip right now. When Lorelai and Rory go to the grandparents' house for "Friday Night Dinner" they always start with cocktails in the sitting room before dinner begins. It's their cocktail hour. They're there for dinner but cocktails simply come first.

And anyway, I would find it weird if I was ushered from a ceremony to a table to sit down and eat a meal. I don't think it's in human nature to do that. After a church ceremony, people congregate in the lobby and parking lot and talk to people. After a secular ceremony, people start talking and congregating anywhere after the couple has retreated down the aisle. People are going to mingle and it's herding cats to expect otherwise. Hosting that mingling time with drinks and munchies just makes a lot of sense to me... and I was happy to mingle with guests during mine rather than be taking a million more formal pictures.

So who is cooking if they are sitting around, slamming Manhattans?

Their maid/cook who is replaced every week.

ETA - my family does cocktail hour. Not as formal as the Gilmore's, but we definitely have cocktail hour before dinner.

kimmiinthemitten · December 2015

Knottie1440620369 said:

kimmiinthemitten said:

If I were your guest I would assume you had a cash bar.

aurianna said:

You would be making your guests kill a half hour of time where they'd have to leave the site, go into a crowded bar (definitely crowded if your guest list is large), pay for their own drinks, then walk back to where they just were.
I'm not advocating for extra time between the ceremony and reception, but OP said "guests would have the opportunity to go to the bar".
There was no specific mention of a cash bar. You know what they say about assumptions...

OP said: The ceremony/reception is at a ski resort where probably about 40-50% of our guests will be staying and there are a few bars located on the resort within walking distance.

Your argument makes no sense. If it was a hosted bar, it would be part of the cocktail hour and this whole conversation would be null and void. Who do you allege is paying for the unhosted 30 minuted bar tab, be it at the reception bar or another bar at the resort.

And my comment, when taken in context, meant that if I went to the reception hall, and was charged for my first drink (because it was during the unhosted 30 minute gap) I would assume the rest of the event would also be a cash bar. You can say what you want about those who make assumptions; and I'll say what I want about people who host their guests improperly.

Maggie0829 · December 2015

Cocktail hour, to me, is the time between arrival to the venue and when dinner is served. Whether that means that it takes place in the same area as dinner or in a different location then dinner, or in the same space as the ceremony, or what have you. Cocktail hours are great because typically not everyone will arrive to the venue at the same time and sit down at their tables immediately. So having some cocktails and apps are a great way to give people time to mingle, grab a bite, find their seats, sign the guest book, and drop their card into your fancy card box. One can still have a cocktail even if you aren't having pictures taken after the ceremony. Again, people still need some time to get to their seats and and say their hellos to friends and family. It is like if you are having people over for dinner. Your guests don't usually walk in and sit right down at the dinner table and start shoveling in dinner. They walk in, you greet them, grab them a drink, talk, and then once everyone is there you take your seats at the table.

Time between the ceremony and the reception

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