Groom using late grandfather's ring

Knottie1442675699 · February 2016

My finace is thinking about using his late grandfather's ring. He was an incredibly important person in my fiance's life and it really is a sweet gesture from his family. However, I can't help but feel like I'm losing out on the tradition of helping to pick out his wedding band. I feel like this ring will always remind him of his grandfather and not of our personal wedding/marriage. Would it be asking too much if I ask to engrave our initials and wedding date on the inside? Maybe get both his grandparents initials and wedding date as well as ours? I would love any thoughts you have!

nerdwife · February 2016

Knottie1442675699 said:

My finace is thinking about using his late grandfather's ring. He was an incredibly important person in my fiance's life and it really is a sweet gesture from his family. However, I can't help but feel like I'm losing out on the tradition of helping to pick out his wedding band. I feel like this ring will always remind him of his grandfather and not of our personal wedding/marriage. Would it be asking too much if I ask to engrave our initials and wedding date on the inside? Maybe get both his grandparents initials and wedding date as well as ours? I would love any thoughts you have!

Uh, it will always remind him of your wedding/marriage because he is using it to marry you, not his grandfather. I don't think this is a problem. I think it's sweet that he wants to use it and honor his grandfather. And at the end of the day, it's a wedding ring, which he will put on his finger at your wedding to signify his lifelong commitment to you.

You'd have to ask him how he feels about engraving it, but truthfully I think this is silly.

princessleia22 · February 2016

DH gave me his grandmothers e-ring, so he never got to shop for a ring. DH picked out his own wedding band, because I wanted him to wear something he was comfortable with. I picked out my wedding band to match my e-ring. DH's ring and my ring don't match at all, because we got rings that we each wanted to wear forever, instead of worrying about them matching each other. We didn't do any ring shopping together and I don't feel like I missed out on anything.

The ring will always remind him of you, because it will be his wedding ring to you. That will be the primary thought when he sees it. Grandfather will likely be a secondary though with it. I wouldn't worry too much about that.

Talk to him about engraving it. He may be fine with it, he may not be. Assuming grandfather had a successful marriage with that ring, DH may want it for that symbolism as much, or more, than the attachment to grandfather. I love the idea that my e-ring was on DH's grandmothers finger for over 50 years of a happy marriage. I think it adds symbolism and hope for ours to last as long.

tigerlily6 · February 2016

I wanted my engagement ring to be my great-grandmother's, so my dad brought it down and gave it to my FI when we had our parents over to celebrate our engagement. FI didn't resize it forever because he was nervous about what to do with my great-grandmother's heirloom. I finally had to tell him I wanted him to do so. I wear it now proudly. It does have special sentimental value because of where it comes from, but mostly because it symbolizes my upcoming marriage to FI.

Point being, while I would talk with your FH, I bet he will want you to be able to engrave his ring and celebrate your marriage through it. I bet his late grandfather would want the same, too, and be proud to see you two making that ring symbolize a new happy marriage.

ernursej · February 2016

I think it is a lovely gesture that he wants to use the ring. Perhaps engraving is a way to add your mark on it, but be prepared if he doesn't want to alter the ring. A ring isn't even required.

SP29 · February 2016

I think using his grandfather's ring is a lovely sentiment. Your and his choice on whether to engrave it- that's a personal decision, but don't be upset if FI says no.

I agree- FI is marrying you, not his grandfather.

DH and I picked out his ring "together", as in I price shopped, and then DH decided what colour, metal strength, and size of band he wanted. I wouldn't say it was particularly romantic. I did get his ring engraved, because it was included for free. If it's the engraving that is important to you- that can be done on any ring.

JeeGooDowster · February 2016

That is a really nice way to honor his grandfather. And...I really can't imagine what entails in picking out a husband's wedding band? They pretty much all look the same. Probably wouldn't even take more than an hour to pick the right one. As PP's have mentioned, if you want to personalize it, get it engraved

lyndausvi · February 2016

My wedding band is my grandmother's from 1930. Do I think of her when I see the band? Yes. I think of what an amazing marriage they had (55 years until grandpop's death) and can only hope we have such a strong marriage. Plus I'm honored out of 25 grandkids I was the one who it was given the ring.

Does it stop me from thinking of my own husband and our marriage? Not at all. He put it on my finger when we did our vows. It's still special. The fact it's my grandmother's ring doesn't change that.

My diamond for my e-ring is from my MIL. Again, I'm honored I was the one who it was given to.

ETA - DH was off one day about 6 months before the wedding and found and bought his own ring. So I "missed" out in picking his. Not that I would have picked on out without him anyway. At the very least it would have been a joint effort. Didn't work out that way, NBD.

CMGragain · February 2016

Men's wedding rings are not all that traditional, anyway. They became popular during World War II. Before that time, men didn't usually wear wedding rings.
Since your groom is the one who will be wearing the ring, I really don't understand why you are upset at this. I think it is a lovely and very practical idea.

Knottie1442675699 · February 2016

princessleia22 said:

DH gave me his grandmothers e-ring, so he never got to shop for a ring. DH picked out his own wedding band, because I wanted him to wear something he was comfortable with. I picked out my wedding band to match my e-ring. DH's ring and my ring don't match at all, because we got rings that we each wanted to wear forever, instead of worrying about them matching each other. We didn't do any ring shopping together and I don't feel like I missed out on anything.

The ring will always remind him of you, because it will be his wedding ring to you. That will be the primary thought when he sees it. Grandfather will likely be a secondary though with it. I wouldn't worry too much about that.

Talk to him about engraving it. He may be fine with it, he may not be. Assuming grandfather had a successful marriage with that ring, DH may want it for that symbolism as much, or more, than the attachment to grandfather. I love the idea that my e-ring was on DH's grandmothers finger for over 50 years of a happy marriage. I think it adds symbolism and hope for ours to last as long.

Thank you for a kind, understanding and helpful response. You've touched on some important points that make me feel a lot better and understanding about the situation. Discussion boards need more input like yours!

ScottishSarah · February 2016

My wedding ring and my sisters were made from the gold of my late grandmas wedding ring, which in turn was made from the gold of 3 of her relatives rings. I think it's a lovely idea!

AddieCake · February 2016

I wasn't anywhere near my husband when he picked out and bought his ring. It never once occurred to me I was missing out on any "tradition."

ScottishSarah · February 2016

I'm buying my FI's ring and joke that I'm buying the one piece of jewellery that ironically will make him more attractive to the opposite sex.

Groom using late grandfather's ring

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