4 men...

mrsconn23 · March 2016

Dear Prudence,
My husband and I dated for five and a half years before getting married this past November. We decided to wait until marriage to have sex, which was mostly something that my husband insisted on. I’ve had sex in previous relationships and now I am realizing that sex with my husband is not at all enjoyable for me. I’ve tried discussing this with him but he gets offended and claims he “sees nothing wrong” with our sex life as it is. I have no idea what to do from here. I can’t go the rest of my life like this. What steps should I take next?

—Sexless

scrunchythief · March 2016

If your wife says there's a problem with your sex life, then there is a problem whether you think there is or not. I'd recommend therapy, but I'm not super optimistic. Also, since she didn't mention a religious or philosophical reason for waiting, I wonder what the husband's motivation was. I'd think he was hiding something, either fears, past performances/issues. This just really doesn't bode well.

VarunaTT · March 2016

I realize I'm engaging in observational selection bias, but jesus it seems like women are crawling out of the woodwork asking how to deal with men who don't want to have sex with them lately. I'm making some assumptions here based on "Sexless".

If he's not going to discuss it, seek out sexual therapy, start doing what she likes, etc. the next step is to discuss redefining the parameters of sex in your marriage. If that's not going to work, you leave.

Someone, on hearing about what had gone on in my marriage said, "Sex is really only about 15% of your relationship, but if it's not working, it's 100% of all the problems." Being married is not being roommates. And trust me, it filters into every single little facet of your marriage, b/c you start losing intimacy, romance, the uniqueness of "this person gives me physical pleasure"....it all starts to go like a house of cards. And while no marriage is perfect, when the intimacy starts to fail, small issues magnify into big issues.

Not to mention what it does to you personally when the person who is supposed to want you above all others, doesn't.

short+sassy · March 2016

I find it funny...though in a sad way...that the letter writer's H says there's "nothing wrong". As if sex is something that doesn't happen between two people. Ummm...dude...if your partner is trying to talk to you about what is wrong than, by definition, something's wrong.

*Barbie* · March 2016

i wonder if he's gay.

MesmrEwe · March 2016

There are stores that sell "instruction manual DVD's" that she needs to use it as a covert instruction manual for "let's try this!" for what she wants...

I'm wondering if he is involved in one of those religions where the woman is only there to please him so he sees nothing wrong with it because of a cultural thing (yes, in 2016 there are still cultures that women are objects/property)... This is also why premarital counseling is important because taboo topics like this get discussed and strategies for how to resolve issues in differences taught especially when a lack of experience is involved!

Yea - I suspect their marriage "isn't headed for a happy ending" if he's not willing to do a little "practice makes perfect"...

4 men...

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