Wedding Woes

If I take the money, am I taking advantage?

Dear Prudence,
I am getting married this fall to a wonderful man. We’re financially stable, own a home, always pay our bills on time. We aren’t hurting for money to get married, but help would still be appreciated. My issue is my mom has offered us a large sum of money for the wedding. Great, right? Except the money would be coming from my grandmother, who has dementia. In a moment of clarity, my grandmother offered this money and I know if she were still in her right mind she would want us to have it, but I just don’t feel good about it. There’s nothing shady about it, I guess, but am I crazy for possibly turning it down?

—Reluctant Recipient

Re: If I take the money, am I taking advantage?

  • I'd turn it down, especially if it's from money in the estate.  Reluctant Recipient could end up in Probate Court on the hook for taking money from someone who isn't legally capable of making financial decisions for herself.
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  • Tough call though - Depending on how the Power of Attorney was written as well as the Will itself as far as fiduciary responsibility, it might be advantageous for her to accept the money now as "gift money" to the highest untaxable amount per year ~$13k (Provided GM's affairs are in airtight order), than to wait for it to be estate money and be on the hook for estate taxes...  Not say'n just sayin!... 

  • If you don't want to accept it, don't. However, if it is legal (financial power of attorney etc.) I don't see a reason not to if you are sure your grandmother would've wanted you to have it. Just because you are are financially independent doesn't mean you can't accept a monetary gift.
  • Did someone else witness this moment of clarity? 

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