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Wedding Woes

4 friends in the world

Dear Prudence, 
I have an old friend who has dated a string of sexist, alcoholic, and sometimes abusive men. I love her dearly, but she will never leave a relationship, no matter how toxic or abusive. While I must respect her choices as an adult, it pains me to see how her they have impacted her children. Throughout the years, I have dropped out of the picture when I could no longer take the chaos that is her daily life. She has been very hurt by these absences, because she feels a friend should be there no matter what. I see things differently: She is an alcoholic who loves toxic environments and refuses all attempts at help. After some time, I decided to break things off with her. In the fallout, she told our mutual friends that I am a terrible friend. I said nothing. Now I can tell that she wants to reconnect. I know that she is lonely and misses me. I miss her as well, but our lives are in very different places. I don’t know how frank I can be with her without completely hurting her feelings. What should I do?

—Reaching Out

Re: 4 friends in the world

  • DTMFA, and stay dumping. Jeez. This is not hard, people. 
  • If nothing has changed from when you first ghosted the friendship, leave it ghosted.
  • Honestly, this touches home a little bit. My bff and I were peas in pod but at some point I couldn't hang any more and had to get my life together. He and I didn't talk for months, maybe almost a year while I did this. I never stopped loving him and valuing his friendship even if we were on different paths or if he made decisions I wouldn't make. He knew that I was always there to listen and crack jokes with. I had no problem telling him if I thought he was doing something really stupid but I also knew that I could not control or change him. It is really hard to sit there and love someone who is leading a distructive life but if they have no outside perspective it will be even harder for them to get out of it. 
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    If she is in recovery, and is trying to go through the steps, I would give her another chance.  Unfortunately it doesn't sound like that's the case.  Since nothing has changed, LW should continue on like she has been doing.  

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