Dear Prudence,
Recently, I found myself attracted to a friend and colleague in
my grad program. I asked her out a couple of months ago and she said
no—she likes me as a friend but thinks we’re too different for anything
deeper (I’m introverted, and she’s a social butterfly). We’re still
friends and I have a lot of fun with her, but our interactions are
superficial and mostly in the context of our mutual friend group. I keep
thinking that I’d love to spend more time with her and be closer
platonic friends, but I’m not sure how to ask for that without seeming
like I won’t take “no” for an answer. We’re in year two of an eight-year
program, so we’re going to be in each others’ lives regardless, for better or worse. Is it worth the risk to try and ask for something more—and, if so, how?