Dear Prudence,
My husband and I moved across the country for his work. I hated
the area. I became socially isolated, depressed, and venomous in my
marriage. I recognized my part in a stressful relationship, sought
therapy, found a new job. Our relationship did not improve. I asked if
there was another woman. He said, “No.” A week later he came home one
night, got drunk, and fell asleep on the couch with a death grip on his
phone. I broke the cardinal rule of privacy and found out I was right:
He was having an affair with someone at work. I packed up and left for a
week. It was awful. I came back on the condition that he was not going
to maintain any kind of personal relationship with that woman. Four
months later, and of course they are “friends” now. My position is that
with friends like that, who needs enemies; she’s on my permanent
black-ball list. His position is that he is not doing anything wrong.
There’s got to be a better compromise than “stop talking to her or we are getting divorced.”
—Looking for a Compromise