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Minnesota-Minneapolis and St. Paul

Completely Frustrated vent/rent long...

First of all, Happy Thanksgiving! I hope that despite having to get into a wedding dress either in a couple of weeks or months, that we all enjoyed the day with no guilt :)

My frustration-my best friend from childhood told me that should would be willing to help out with wedding stuff, ie be my PA/bounce ideas off of...etc.  She does live 5 hours away, but I really wanted her involved since we are not having a traditional wedding party. This was way back in August when we last spoke on the phone.  I have called her/texted her/facebooked her many times.  Hell, our 30th birthdays are on the same day and barely NOTHING from her.  We are both in the same town as I speak right now and I facebooked her last week telling her when I would be home so I could show her pics of my dress and the venue, and nothing until last night, when she said that she wasn't going to be available which is fine, but this is how she always communicates.  Last minute.  I am only home a couple of times a year and I always let her know about a week in advance when I am going to to be home to see if she is available and it's always very last minute to tell me she can't hang out.

  While I am not asking for much of her time, I just would like a phone call back from her.  Is that too much to ask?  The ONLY time I hear from her is when I text her like a bazillion times.  I sent her a message over FB today telling her that it is frustrating that I make all of these attempts to get in touch with her, but nothing back.  The few times I have heard from her, it's because she has been so busy, which is an excuse I can't tolerate, especially since we have been friends for so long. Even a quick text would be fine....

Am I totally overreacting?  I asked her in the message if things were ok....It's not so much a wedding thing as much as a friendship that seems to becoming more and more distanced..
I feel like I am totally out of line, but I am really bummed by all of this.....

Re: Completely Frustrated vent/rent long...

  • KikiTopazKikiTopaz member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011

    Is your friend married or engaged? Perhaps she is feeling "singled" out. You say you've been best friends since childhood and are the same age. Maybe she is a bit jealous that you are getting married and she is not? I would ask her for honesty, over the phone, not facebook or email, if she still wants to help with the wedding plans. I think you did the right thing by asking her about the friendship first, and leaving the wedding out of the picture. Friendships can be tested when the people involved are in different places, not just geographically. Good luck and post often. I am helping my daughter with her planning and I would love to hear your ideas.

  • edited December 2011

    No, she is not married nor engaged, but is completely involved with this guy (whom I'm not a huge fan of, but would never let on).   I had thought about the the jealous thing, but I don't think it is a big deal.  Of our group of girlfriends from high school, only one has gotten married so far-we are all 30!!  So we are really taking our time :)

     The problem is I DO want to talk to her on the phone, but she never answers it and if I do leave a message she never returns it.


    My biggest concern is that I am losing a friend for a reason that is completely beyond me. 


    I left her a voicemail yesterday saying that I would be home for the holidays and it would be great to get together....

  • edited December 2011
    That's really rough!  But being someone who has been friends with my BF for over 20 years (OMG!) we always find time for one another!  Whether it's a quick text saying I'm thinking of you or a quick phone call, we always can find time.  I am sorry but we both have families, I am planning a wedding, we both work full time, we still find time.  I am wondering if your friend is feeling like you are drifting apart and she doesn't know how to say that? 

    It doesn't make sense to me that she doesn't have time to talk to you.  And for her to just call to say, sorry I am busy... excuses, excuses.  I would try, and I am saying try because it sounds like there are communication break downs, to talk to her about this.

    I hope things work out for you! I can't imagine losing my childhood friend or her not talking to me.
  • edited December 2011

    She literally is my childhood friend.  She is one hour and 46 minutes older than me and we were born right next door to each other at the hospital and our parents knew each other....so when I mean best friends from the start...that's 30 years in the making!

  • KikiTopazKikiTopaz member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011

    I think you've done your share of the friendship load. Give her a little time to come around. Let her be the one to ask you about your wedding plans. It's her turn to be there for you. Hopefully she realizes that or is able to be honest with you about what's going on with her. You didn't promise to have a double wedding when you were five years old, did you?

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