Fiance and decisions

DFracassa · September 2012

I'm not looking for a definite answer here, just a poll of opinions. Since beginning to plan my August 2013 wedding, for which I was adamantly opposed to any kind of theme, I've begun to gravitate toward Italian-inspired decorations, cake and music. So, there you go. Apparently, my wedding will be Italian-inspired, held outside in a local greenhouse. Which is fine. Except I promised my fiance months ago that we could have whatever he wants to eat, which it turns out is barbecue. And I mean barbecue: he's talking pulled pork, hot dogs, burgers, baked beans and corn on the cob. This is all delicious, but it horrifies me. No way do I want barbecue at our rustic Italian wedding. I'm looking at fun, colorful Italian appetizers: caprese salad, antipasti skewers, bread and dipping oil, olives, cheeses, and my grandpa's pastas. It makes sense, it meshes, it goes together, whatever.

So Knotties, here's my question: do I take control and say we're not having barbecue? Is there any common ground he and I can find with this? Isn't there something called a Groom's Dinner -- can't he just have it there, or at the rehearsal? I love this guy to pieces, and we've been together five years, but I don't want to start our married life together as that b...well, you know. Please weigh in: what should I do about this?

nextrightthing · September 2012

Maybe you could do a buffet or stations and have his picks available. Or serve them as appetizers or late night snacks.

lyradimer · September 2012

BBQ might not be an accessible options for all of your guests, especially if you have any vegetarian guests. I'd also shy away from it simply because BBQ is messy, and everyone would be in formal wear. I like the idea of your rehearsal dinner being BBQ. It could be way more low key and you wouldn't have to worry about BBQ sauce on your dress.

NOLAbridealmost · September 2012

I'd see how he feels about a BBQ RD and Italian/traditional wedding foods for the reception. If he's hellbent, you should probably look into a BBQ station and Italian Station and some other type of station for the reception. Just as you shouldn't completely scrap his idea, you also shouldn't have to do "straight up" BBQ with hot dogs, baked beans, etc.

reppunzel · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_food-cakes_fiance-and-decisions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:23Discussion:27e0a6aa-03e0-49da-8746-de435760ec0fPost:db5b3937-44ec-4263-80f7-5fa209cbba26">Fiance and decisions</a>:
[QUOTE]I So Knotties, here's my question: do I take control and say we're not having barbecue? <strong>Is there any common ground he and I can find with this? </strong> Isn't there something called a Groom's Dinner -- can't he just have it there, or at the rehearsal? I love this guy to pieces, and we've been together five years, but I don't want to start our married life together as that b...well, you know. Please weigh in: <strong>what should I do about this</strong>?
Posted by DFracassa[/QUOTE]

Talk to the man! <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" /> Is he at all interested in the decorations/cake/other elements that are pointing you in the rustic Italian direction? Is this your concept of the wedding or "y'all's" concept (both of you together)? It sounds as though your heritage is Italian (you mentioned your grandfather's recipes); is BBQ a strong element in his background?

There are definitely options for working this out -- having the BBQ for the rehearsal dinner, PP's suggestion of having stations, modifying the inspiration of the wedding more toward "rustic" than "rustic Italian" ... but the <strong>two</strong> of you need to <strong>talk</strong> about this and work out what is a priority for each of you individually and how that works together for you as a couple.

NOLAbridealmost · September 2012

Also, here are a few ideas of how to work his BBQ dream into your reception.

Cocktail Hour:

(Per your suggestion): Caprese salad, antipasti skewers, olives, cheese. BBQ shrimp, watermelon/fruit skewers, mini pulled pork sliders.

Main Menu:

Pasta station: grandpa's pastas, as well as plain noodles with choice of Alfredo, Marinara, and meatballs, chicken, portabella mushroom add-ins. Macaroni and cheese.

Meat station: some sort of roasted meat (turkey breast, pork tenderloin, etc.), short ribs, pulled pork (serve with variety of sauces; dijon mustard sauce, horseradish cream sauce, BBQ sauce, etc.) and rolls/cornbread.

Vegetable side station; green salad w/ Italian style toppings and vinaigrette, coleslaw, corn maque choux.

Then you could do a hotdog cart as a late night snack if the fiance insists on more BBQ type stuff.

Good luck!

DFracassa · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_food-cakes_fiance-and-decisions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:23Discussion:27e0a6aa-03e0-49da-8746-de435760ec0fPost:246ad87e-9822-437a-a0c3-cf5446853e06">Re: Fiance and decisions</a>:
[QUOTE]Also, here are a few ideas of how to work his BBQ dream into your reception. Cocktail Hour: (Per your suggestion): Caprese salad, antipasti skewers, olives, cheese. BBQ shrimp, watermelon/fruit skewers, mini pulled pork sliders. Main Menu: Pasta station: grandpa's pastas, as well as plain noodles with choice of Alfredo, Marinara, and meatballs, chicken, portabella mushroom add-ins. Macaroni and cheese. Meat station: some sort of roasted meat (turkey breast, pork tenderloin, etc.), short ribs, pulled pork (serve with variety of sauces; dijon mustard sauce, horseradish cream sauce, BBQ sauce, etc.) and rolls/cornbread. Vegetable side station; green salad w/ Italian style toppings and vinaigrette, coleslaw, corn maque choux. Then you could do a hotdog cart as a late night snack if the fiance insists on more BBQ type stuff. Good luck!
Posted by NOLAbridealmost[/QUOTE]

<div>This is a totally amazing idea! This menu is awesome, but I just don't know if we could afford all this. I like the combination idea, though -- that's very cool and accomodating. </div>

DFracassa · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_food-cakes_fiance-and-decisions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:23Discussion:27e0a6aa-03e0-49da-8746-de435760ec0fPost:a70aad7c-73f2-45e7-95e9-451a547df943">Re: Fiance and decisions</a>:
[QUOTE]I'd see how he feels about a BBQ RD and Italian/traditional wedding foods for the reception. If he's hellbent, you should probably look into a BBQ station and Italian Station and some other type of station for the reception. Just as you shouldn't completely scrap his idea, you also shouldn't have to do "straight up" BBQ with hot dogs, baked beans, etc.
Posted by NOLAbridealmost[/QUOTE]

<div>This is another really good idea, and something I was thinking about, myself. I will talk with him<span style="white-space:pre;" class="Apple-tab-span"> </span></div>

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