Thursday

mrsconn23 · May 2016

FIL's dog is here. He's doing OK. Still don't want a dog full time yet.

Poor guy was really upset when the kiddo left for school. They're BFF's.

DefConn's school tour is today. I have wine and wood painting tonight with my mom, sisters, and my sister's MIL. I've never been to a thing like that, but I think it will be fun. It's at the winery where my sister got married.

Our driveway is getting sealed tomorrow. w00t!

I'm hungry and want none of the food in my house.

ShesSoCold · May 2016

Yay for drinking and driveways!

I need to go shopping at some point, which sucks. I hate shopping. My aunt's wedding is Saturday at her house and the VFW so I need a casual-ish dress. I have one I don't like, but I should get something new. Yuck.

tawillers · May 2016

This is a bizarre day.

First, I had all the motivation and cleaned my whole house. Laundry is even done.

Second, I sat down to pay bills. I haven't received any statements from DD2's broken arm or the 3 kids' dental appts in March, including Son and DD2's fillings. Insurance pays 100% for the checkups, but not the extra work (and 14yo Son is considered an adult now). After calling both places, I've learned that everything is paid in full. What?! The dentist office told me insurance paid more than they thought they would on the fillings and we actually have a credit now. Ok.

Now pinterest project mania is starting. I'm making a ton of things for the kids to do outdoors this summer. No whining about being bored. ::yeahright::

bleve0821 · May 2016

I am struggling to figure out what day it is today. The calendar says Thursday, so I guess I'll have to trust it.

In today's morning meeting, senior management made the formal announcement about that promotion/job opening.... and everyone looked at me, like it had been offered to me right there on the spot.

I went back to my office and started to cry. I know there is nothing forcing me to take this position when it's formally offered to me, but this is the job I want, the one I have wanted since I started working here. It's a career path, not just a job. The promotion potential is through the roof. It's an engaging job that will actually use my skills and education (things I haven't employed since I was hired).

But the timing is so awful. We just bought a house. We just got married. DH loves his job, and he's doing really well and I am 100% sure his company will not agree to transfer him. I will not ask him to quit and start over again.

I don't know if there's a way to find a balance between my marriage and my career.

kimmiinthemitten · May 2016

Isn't today Prudie day? Bring it on! Because this is me today:

Heffalump · May 2016

Duplicate post

Heffalump · May 2016

AtomicBlonde said:

I don't know if there's a way to find a balance between my marriage and my career.

That whole situation just sucks, with no easy answers. I'm sorry.

Somehow, mysteriously, I chipped the back of one of my front teeth. I was just sitting on the sofa diddling with my phone last night when I felt something small and hard on my tongue. I have tooth phobia as it is, so that surely did not help. And it was so weird, because I wasn't even eating or drinking at the time, and the last time I had eaten was dinner at the pool with the kids: turkey wraps, pretzels, carrot sticks, blackberries, yogurt. Not exactly jawbreakers and ice cubes. ??? Dentist couldn't squeeze me in until tomorrow morning, so I'm just going to keep poking it with my tongue obsessively until then.

Anyway, last night was Wooz's first swim practice of the season, and she was a trouper. They made it optional due to the continuing cool weather, and to my surprise, she said she wanted to go. So we went. I didn't think DS would willingly get in the pool, but I was wrong. So we waded around the little kids pool while Wooz practiced with the big kids. At one point, all the girls in her age group were huddled around in their towels with their teeth chattering, but they were giggling, so okay. Still, it is raining now and supposed to rain all day, so I think they'll cancel tonight's practice, and I won't be sorry if they do.

Picking up my first order from the meal-prep place tomorrow, and anxious to see how everything is. My mom is coming over for brunch this weekend for our belated Mother's Day celebration, and as part of my menu, I am making one of those watermelon fruit baskets for the first time in my life. (Although I may do a bowl instead, we'll see.) AdviSe?

kimmiinthemitten · May 2016

@AtomicBlonde I'm in a similar position. FI's career is best served by staying put and he's in a position to receive a new leadership role within a year.

I too have a clear vision of how I would like my career to progress and my choices are: move up within my company (no current opportunity), move to Chicago with my company, move up at a another company within the network but out of state, or travel.

We go back and forth and negotiate and play what if's all the time. It's so unfair that what's best for each of us is what hurts the other person professionally. All I can offer is a sympathetic ear and advice to always be honest with your H, even when it's hard. If both of you aren't it will lead to resentment,

bleve0821 · May 2016

So... In the last ten minutes, my boss and my boss' boss came by (individually) to give me a verbal "formal offer," and I've had 2 co-workers congratulate me on the new position. I asked them to give me until Monday to make a decision. They wanted it tomorrow, but I told them no way.

Head, meet desk.

bleve0821 · May 2016

Grrr double post

kimmiinthemitten · May 2016

AtomicBlonde said:

So... In the last ten minutes, my boss and my boss' boss came by (individually) to give me a verbal "formal offer," and I've had 2 co-workers congratulate me on the new position. I asked them to give me until Monday to make a decision. They wanted it tomorrow, but I told them no way.

Head, meet desk.

I can't remember if you've posted about it before, but what does H say about all this?

pegasuskat · May 2016

How does your H feel? I wouldn't want to turn it down to easily. Can he approach his bosses about a transfer or work from home set up? It could never hurt to ask.....

bleve0821 · May 2016

@kimmiinthemitten We only found out Tuesday that the position might be open, and I immediately started discussing it. He's had no real opinion other than wait and see what happens. I get the sense that he's not thrilled with the timing, but he knew I was gunning for this position (or one like it) and that this would come up sooner or later. The location is good for us, since his company has an office about an hour from where I'd work (not necessarily where we'd live). But he'd have to get a transfer.

When I told him today, he did immediately come up with a list of things we would need to research, including where he'd be able to work if I accepted. He did say, "Can you reach out to our realtor and tell her there is a possibility of us moving and ask for her insights on the housing market." So while I'm over here stressing about a yes or no answer, he's thinking about what we'd need to do if I said yes.

If I say no, it won't impact my career, but there's no guarantee an opportunity like this will come up again, or in a location that works for us. He'll support me with whatever I decide, but this isn't a "my decision," it's an "our decision."

We'd have at least 4 months before I have to move, and I might be able to request 6.

missJeanLouise · May 2016

@Heffalump My sister and I made a watermelon shark one time. It was similar to carving a pumpkin.

@AtomicBlonde sounds like the worst timing. Do they know you just bought a house? Can you do the job from your current location?

We posted at the same time. Your H sounds awesome. I hope you guys can figure something out where you will both be happy. Good luck chica!

kimmiinthemitten · May 2016

@AtomicBlonde sounds you have a good H! Keep us posted on how it moves along.

bleve0821 · May 2016

@missJeanLouise no, I can't do the new job remotely since I'd be in the field. I'm not worried about the house, there are a lot of people renting in our neighborhood so that's an option if we can't sell. My company also has a badass relocation assistance program, including a real estate agency that will buy your house at slightly more than fair market value if you can't sell it before you move.

I did mention this to H (and he side-eyed me like a boss), but if he can't move in 4 months due to a job, the cost of living in the new town is low enough we would be able to potentially swing the mortgage here and a studio apartment for me there for a few months.

I just don't want to put my career at the expense of his.

ETA That watermelon is amazing!

Heffalump · May 2016

missJeanLouise said:

@Heffalump My sister and I made a watermelon shark one time. It was similar to carving a pumpkin.

That thing? Is amazing. Plus DS loooooooooooves sharks. How did you do the teeth?

Aaaaaaaand, they just canceled swim practice tonight. I shall dry my non-existent tears.

charlotte989875 · May 2016

AtomicBlonde said:

@missJeanLouise no, I can't do the new job remotely since I'd be in the field. I'm not worried about the house, there are a lot of people renting in our neighborhood so that's an option if we can't sell. My company also has a badass relocation assistance program, including a real estate agency that will buy your house at slightly more than fair market value if you can't sell it before you move.

I did mention this to H (and he side-eyed me like a boss), but if he can't move in 4 months due to a job, the cost of living in the new town is low enough we would be able to potentially swing the mortgage here and a studio apartment for me there for a few months.

I just don't want to put my career at the expense of his.

ETA That watermelon is amazing!

@AtomicBlonde I know a lot of this is really hard right now, but take a little time to be proud of how hard you've worked and that you're being offered a promotion, that's a great thing.

H and I have a little experience with this; we've moved twice for my job. We're in the same field and my career has accelerated more quickly than his. The university created a position for him the first time and in the two years we were he's been working on moving to another field with better opportunities. It would have been much better for him had we stayed here another year. But the job that came up (that I eventually got, and took) was a perfect fit for me and likely would not have come around a year or two later when it would have been better for him to move.

We have had extensive conversations, and have both made compromises with respect to where we will work, and at this stage of our lives he has made more compromises than I have (with respect to our careers). I know in the future I will have to make them as well. I was given really good advice when I was in grad school from a woman who had moved a lot for her husband, and whose husband also moved for her; she said you have to think about the long run and sometimes one partner has to take a step back at one point so the other can take a step forward. There will be situations where the roles are reversed, it just so happens that right now its you.

Good luck making this decision, I know it's super hard. I'll just say, I know I have felt worse about me putting my career ahead of his than he ever felt about it. He couldn't have been happier for me when I got the new job, and he never looked it like I was putting my career at the expense of his, even though I felt like that at times.

kimmiinthemitten · May 2016

I pictured Sheryl Sandberg was typing when I read @charlotte989875 's advice:

MNNEBride · May 2016

Heffalump said:

missJeanLouise said:

@Heffalump My sister and I made a watermelon shark one time. It was similar to carving a pumpkin.

That thing? Is amazing. Plus DS loooooooooooves sharks. How did you do the teeth?

Aaaaaaaand, they just canceled swim practice tonight. I shall dry my non-existent tears.

Instructions here:

http://www.watermelon.org/carvings/Shark

missJeanLouise · May 2016

@Heffalump it was a couple years ago but I am pretty sure we just used a vegetable peeler to cut off the top green layer

6fsn · May 2016

Good luck with your decision @AtomicBlonde

I landed at Urgent Care with a terrible allergic reaction last week. 7 days of prednisone and I'm still a mess. My PCP just gave me a steroid shot to the ass and a referral for an allergist. Good times.

MNNEBride · May 2016

@AtomicBlonde , try not to stress too much until you have the actual offer in hand. Easier said than done, I realize.

@6fsn, I hope you get relief soon!

charlotte989875 · May 2016

kimmiinthemitten said:

I pictured Sheryl Sandberg was typing when I read @charlotte989875 's advice:

I'm totally good with that.

OurWildKingdom · May 2016

I came home from work to a clean house! I'm still speechless.

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