Wedding Woes

Today's four men

Dear Prudence,
I’m a 33-year-old woman, and my 41-year-old boyfriend has been in the process of moving out of his house and into mine for the past three weeks (he has a renter moving out of his house at the end of the month). Things have not been going well lately, and I’m at a loss as to what to do. Since he moved in, it has become apparent that he drinks daily and is not interested in stopping. I feel he has become more hostile toward me for no apparent reason. I’m wondering if this is just a rough patch, or if I should have him move back into his house before it’s too late and his house is rented out.

—Moving Out

Re: Today's four men

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    I would have some Qs for the LW.  How long have you dated before deciding to move in together?  Have you never spent weekends away together or even a full weekend at one person's house?  How can you not realize he is a daily drinker?

    I do feel there is always an adjustment period when it comes to moving in with anyone, but if the drinking is her deal breaker, she should just end it now.

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    I agree there is a huge difference between coming home and have a glass of wine/scotch/beer or two and having 10. But even if it's one glass and it's a deal breaker for LW she needs to speak up now. 

    Also, moving is stressful. It's exhausting and dirty and puts people in bad moods (says someone who has been living out of boxes for weeks now). Might just be stressful from the move, might be more than that but hard to tell. 
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    Has she even tried having a conversation with this guy?  There's no information on how long they've been dating, but it sounds like they probably don't know each other well, for starters, and as a follow-up, it's been less than a month, and he's still in the process of moving.

    If she has these thoughts and doubts now, then maybe the relationship is already over.  

    "And when they use our atoms to make new lives, they won’t just be able to take one, they’ll have to take two, one of you and one of me..."
    --Philip Pullman

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    I like drinking but before moving in with my fiance at the time I didn't know he had a few beers every day after work (I get up early to teach so I can't do that unless it's summer).

    That was not a problem but there was no shortage of little things that got on my nerves those first few weeks (why are there paper towels scattered throughout the house!?).

     I think even the word "hostile" is subjective. Is she bugging him about drinking on weekdays? She wants all his stuff moved in at once? Or is he actually a jerk?

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    If he's a daily drinker and she's a teetotaler - "This isn't going to end well" ...
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    It could be just a stress response. LW should talk to him, though.
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