Mother of the Bride/Groom dresses

ernursej · June 2016

DrillSergeantCat said:

I'm seriously concerned at the lack of reading comprehension with some of you. I have a back up plan if it rains. My wedding is at 5pm on September 24th. The high is usually near 80 but at 5 will be cooler. The sun will not be a problem since it's near sunset.

I was really hoping to be able to come here and get help since I've never planned a wedding before but instead I get told what an asshole I am for having an outdoor wedding during the nicest part of the year.

I know my audience better than you. I know my area better than you. I know our weather better than you but because YOU don't like outdoor weddings, I'm a jerk.

I think that people have realized that you do have a back up plan. It wasn't apparent at the beginning. Some regulars don't read every single response so when you add detail later on, there may be those that miss it.

Generally, the people who respond on The Knot community love weddings. They enjoy helping people plan a memorable day that is first and foremost about a marriage ceremony and then a reception where you thank your guests that came to witness your union. People will point out things that they don't particularly like or have concerns about. Not everyone will agree on every single point, but usually, there are themes. Lots of regulars have had outdoor ceremonies, but I think people get concerned when it might appear that a backup plan isn't really well thought out or the vision is above the comfort of your guests. I didn't read every single post, but I don't believe anyone called you a jerk or an asshole.

I would be concerned that you get a freak storm, but reading that you have a backup plan, that took away my concern. The thread got a bit hijacked, but I think you've had some great advice.

Internet forums aren't for everyone. When I first came to the Knot community, I was shocked that people would point out things and be concerned about details that weren't being asked. I've come to realize that the internet will give you straight answers that most people won't be able to find with their family and friends. A lot of brides get told to do whatever they want because it is their day. Unfortunately, guests end up being a second thought. The ladies and gents on here will point out the things that they see.

DrillSergeantCat · June 2016

ernursej said:

I think that people have realized that you do have a back up plan. It wasn't apparent at the beginning. Some regulars don't read every single response so when you add detail later on, there may be those that miss it.
Generally, the people who respond on The Knot community love weddings. They enjoy helping people plan a memorable day that is first and foremost about a marriage ceremony and then a reception where you thank your guests that came to witness your union. People will point out things that they don't particularly like or have concerns about. Not everyone will agree on every single point, but usually, there are themes. Lots of regulars have had outdoor ceremonies, but I think people get concerned when it might appear that a backup plan isn't really well thought out or the vision is above the comfort of your guests. I didn't read every single post, but I don't believe anyone called you a jerk or an asshole.
I would be concerned that you get a freak storm, but reading that you have a backup plan, that took away my concern. The thread got a bit hijacked, but I think you've had some great advice.
Internet forums aren't for everyone. When I first came to the Knot community, I was shocked that people would point out things and be concerned about details that weren't being asked. I've come to realize that the internet will give you straight answers that most people won't be able to find with their family and friends. A lot of brides get told to do whatever they want because it is their day. Unfortunately, guests end up being a second thought. The ladies and gents on here will point out the things that they see.

I've been called rude more than once. It's been insinuated that I don't care for my guests. It's been insinuated that I'm treating my guests as props. The fact of the matter is, every single person I'm inviting is a friend or family and will be happy to sit outside to see my marry my best friend. I'm not treating people as props, but they are going to have to deal with the weather. That's not rude, that's life. I'll make it up to them with a fabulous dinner.

I don't feel I've gotten great advice. I feel like I've been attacked. I feel like for the most part people glommed on to one bit of information and ignored everything else. Ive been told the dress code I'd like to see isn't real. It's been insinuated that I'm rude for even thinking about my FMILs attire since that's none of my business.

I'm not asking for validation to throw my own shower or make people sit on picnic blankets in the middle of August or demand gifts equal to the cost of having them at the wedding. I wasn't asking for validation of anything. I simply wanted to know should my mother coordinate with the bridal party. It can be hot in September, at the beginning of the month. By late September, the weather is nice. Trust me...80° after months of 100s is a nice reprieve.

Viczaesar · June 2016

That dress code isn't actually real, and you can't tell your guests what to wear anyway. No, your mother shouldn't coordinate with the bridal party unless she decides to on her own volition.

kimmiinthemitten · June 2016

You reluctantly agreed to a back up plan after literally saying "[your guests] can suck it up for 30 minutes." Then after you were given real life examples as to why this was a bad idea and could be harmful to your guests, you're still mad people aren't just green lighting this. And your latest post makes me wonder if you really have a Plan B or just said so per TYVMs advice.

Unfortunately the new norm in wedding planning is to tell brides it's their day and fluff their asses with bad and blind advice. You won't find that here. We have no reason to lie to you, so we'll tell you when an idea is bad, rude, or treating your guests like props. If you do let the moms choose their own clothes and if you do, in fact have a Plan B and really will use it for less than ideal weather, then you did receive good advice, like it, or us, or not.

Had you lurked, you would have read the same responses about dress code and what your mothers should wear because people ask that question almost weekly. I remember reading your OP and thinking "not again."

MobKaz · June 2016

DrillSergeantCat said:

ernursej said:

I think that people have realized that you do have a back up plan. It wasn't apparent at the beginning. Some regulars don't read every single response so when you add detail later on, there may be those that miss it.
Generally, the people who respond on The Knot community love weddings. They enjoy helping people plan a memorable day that is first and foremost about a marriage ceremony and then a reception where you thank your guests that came to witness your union. People will point out things that they don't particularly like or have concerns about. Not everyone will agree on every single point, but usually, there are themes. Lots of regulars have had outdoor ceremonies, but I think people get concerned when it might appear that a backup plan isn't really well thought out or the vision is above the comfort of your guests. I didn't read every single post, but I don't believe anyone called you a jerk or an asshole.
I would be concerned that you get a freak storm, but reading that you have a backup plan, that took away my concern. The thread got a bit hijacked, but I think you've had some great advice.
Internet forums aren't for everyone. When I first came to the Knot community, I was shocked that people would point out things and be concerned about details that weren't being asked. I've come to realize that the internet will give you straight answers that most people won't be able to find with their family and friends. A lot of brides get told to do whatever they want because it is their day. Unfortunately, guests end up being a second thought. The ladies and gents on here will point out the things that they see.

I've been called rude more than once. It's been insinuated that I don't care for my guests. It's been insinuated that I'm treating my guests as props. The fact of the matter is, every single person I'm inviting is a friend or family and will be happy to sit outside to see my marry my best friend. I'm not treating people as props, but they are going to have to deal with the weather. That's not rude, that's life. I'll make it up to them with a fabulous dinner.

I don't feel I've gotten great advice. I feel like I've been attacked. I feel like for the most part people glommed on to one bit of information and ignored everything else. Ive been told the dress code I'd like to see isn't real. It's been insinuated that I'm rude for even thinking about my FMILs attire since that's none of my business.

I'm not asking for validation to throw my own shower or make people sit on picnic blankets in the middle of August or demand gifts equal to the cost of having them at the wedding. I wasn't asking for validation of anything. I simply wanted to know should my mother coordinate with the bridal party. It can be hot in September, at the beginning of the month. By late September, the weather is nice. Trust me...80° after months of 100s is a nice reprieve.

@DrillSargeantCat, I can see where posters suggested you should not be rude to your guests. I also see where YOUR words indicated a rude attitude on YOUR part regarding the comfort of your guests. You said that if your guests "can't figure it out" then it is on them". You said guests were used to hot weather, implying that they'll survive and that you had no intention of providing for improved comfort. You said guests would have to "suck it up". No "Knottie" is going to find that an acceptable or appropriate attitude regarding the hospitality of a guest.

If you really want to get a reaction, the oft cited, always cringe worthy, nothing puts the "speshul in special" phrase "my friends and family love me and will tolerate anything and everything I do or don't do at my wedding" is the phrase to spew.

As far as attire, you also received good advice and suggestions. There is NO reason to tell a guest how to dress with the exception of venue specific restrictions. There is NO such thing as "dressy casual" or "creative black tie."

DrillSergeantCat · June 2016

Why isn't dressy casual a dress code? I've seen it several places. I didn't make it up.

@mobkaz yes I did say it's on them to figure out that the venue is outside. That was at the suggestion that I put it on my invitations. I did say they can suck it up for 30 minutes. I stick to that because I'd do the same for any of them. I could see this reaction if I had an entire wedding planned outside in the middle of August but it's a ceremony only and it's late September. If it rains, I'm out $2500 and will have the entire thing at my reception venue.

Not one single person has said having an outdoor wedding is rude for these reasons.

As for my FMIL, I apologize for making a JOKE. Yes I was concerned that she'd show up wearing her "nice" hoodie but at the end of the day, if she did, she'd look like a fool. As I've already said, she's purchased two dresses and it even surprised my FH.

bleve0821 · June 2016

DrillSergeantCat said:

ernursej said:

I think that people have realized that you do have a back up plan. It wasn't apparent at the beginning. Some regulars don't read every single response so when you add detail later on, there may be those that miss it.
Generally, the people who respond on The Knot community love weddings. They enjoy helping people plan a memorable day that is first and foremost about a marriage ceremony and then a reception where you thank your guests that came to witness your union. People will point out things that they don't particularly like or have concerns about. Not everyone will agree on every single point, but usually, there are themes. Lots of regulars have had outdoor ceremonies, but I think people get concerned when it might appear that a backup plan isn't really well thought out or the vision is above the comfort of your guests. I didn't read every single post, but I don't believe anyone called you a jerk or an asshole.
I would be concerned that you get a freak storm, but reading that you have a backup plan, that took away my concern. The thread got a bit hijacked, but I think you've had some great advice.
Internet forums aren't for everyone. When I first came to the Knot community, I was shocked that people would point out things and be concerned about details that weren't being asked. I've come to realize that the internet will give you straight answers that most people won't be able to find with their family and friends. A lot of brides get told to do whatever they want because it is their day. Unfortunately, guests end up being a second thought. The ladies and gents on here will point out the things that they see.

I've been called rude more than once. It's been insinuated that I don't care for my guests. It's been insinuated that I'm treating my guests as props. The fact of the matter is, every single person I'm inviting is a friend or family and will be happy to sit outside to see my marry my best friend. I'm not treating people as props, but they are going to have to deal with the weather. That's not rude, that's life. I'll make it up to them with a fabulous dinner.

I don't feel I've gotten great advice. I feel like I've been attacked. I feel like for the most part people glommed on to one bit of information and ignored everything else. Ive been told the dress code I'd like to see isn't real. It's been insinuated that I'm rude for even thinking about my FMILs attire since that's none of my business.

I'm not asking for validation to throw my own shower or make people sit on picnic blankets in the middle of August or demand gifts equal to the cost of having them at the wedding. I wasn't asking for validation of anything. I simply wanted to know should my mother coordinate with the bridal party. It can be hot in September, at the beginning of the month. By late September, the weather is nice. Trust me...80° after months of 100s is a nice reprieve.

A "fabulous dinner" won't cure heat exhaustion. Making guests endure any level of discomfort for the sake of your vision isn't life. It's rude. Plain and simple.

crowsgirl15 · June 2016

DrillSergeantCat said:

Why isn't dressy casual a dress code? I've seen it several places. I didn't make it up.

@mobkaz yes I did say it's on them to figure out that the venue is outside. That was at the suggestion that I put it on my invitations. I did say they can suck it up for 30 minutes. I stick to that because I'd do the same for any of them. I could see this reaction if I had an entire wedding planned outside in the middle of August but it's a ceremony only and it's late September. If it rains, I'm out $2500 and will have the entire thing at my reception venue.

Not one single person has said having an outdoor wedding is rude for these reasons.

As for my FMIL, I apologize for making a JOKE. Yes I was concerned that she'd show up wearing her "nice" hoodie but at the end of the day, if she did, she'd look like a fool. As I've already said, she's purchased two dresses and it even surprised my FH.

It's rude because your primary goal (after making sure you have an officiant and a marriage license) should be your guests' comfort and enjoyment, not your "vision". Even if your guests are slightly uncomfortable outside, that's a reason to not have an outdoor wedding. The reason people here are being critical is because telling your guests they should "suck it up" because your vision is more important than their comfort level is just plain rude. Because your guests' comfort should be your primary concern.

I grew up in the south, and 80 degrees is hot. Is it nicer than 100 degrees? Sure, but I wouldn't want to be outside in either of them for any length of time in formal wear.

kimmiinthemitten · June 2016

DrillSergeantCat said:

Why isn't dressy casual a dress code? I've seen it several places. I didn't make it up.
Just because some people say it, doesn't make it a thing. I was lurking on another forum where someone said their guests were paying for their meals. Just because I read it, it doesn't make it okay. To me, dressy casual is going to be a black cocktail dress with funky jewelry, to my uncle its black jeans and a short sleeve Oxford, to my cousin it's not sweatpants. It's also generally considered rude to tell adults how to dress unless the event is black tie or the venue has restrictions (sport coat for men, no heels in the roof etc). The last event I attended with a non venue related dress code was Prom.

@mobkaz yes I did say it's on them to figure out that the venue is outside. That was at the suggestion that I put it on my invitations. I did say they can suck it up for 30 minutes. I stick to that because I'd do the same for any of them. I could see this reaction if I had an entire wedding planned outside in the middle of August but it's a ceremony only and it's late September. If it rains, I'm out $2500 and will have the entire thing at my reception
You need to be open to using this space for a plethora of reasons. What if it's 90, what if it rains the day before, what if the Zika virus makes its way to Oklahoma, what if it's windy....

Not one single person has said having an outdoor wedding is rude for these reasons.
What is rude is subjecting your guests to uncomfortable conditions because it fits your vision. You don't need an outdoor ceremony to be married, you want one. You only need an officiant, a piece of paper and depending on the state a witness or two. You want an outdoor wedding. And yes, you would do it for your friends because you care about them and want to make them happy, and that is the same reason they will "suck it up" and do it for you. But do you really want your guests to have to "suck it up" for your wedding?

As for my FMIL, I apologize for making a JOKE. Yes I was concerned that she'd show up wearing her "nice" hoodie but at the end of the day, if she did, she'd look like a fool. As I've already said, she's purchased two dresses and it even surprised my FH.

DrillSergeantCat · June 2016

crowsgirl15 said:
It's rude because your primary goal (after making sure you have an officiant and a marriage license) should be your guests' comfort and enjoyment, not your "vision". Even if your guests are slightly uncomfortable outside, that's a reason to not have an outdoor wedding. The reason people here are being critical is because telling your guests they should "suck it up" because your vision is more important than their comfort level is just plain rude. Because your guests' comfort should be your primary concern.

I grew up in the south, and 80 degrees is hot. Is it nicer than 100 degrees? Sure, but I wouldn't want to be outside in either of them for any length of time in formal wear.

So it's okay to make your guests be slightly uncomfortable as long as the wedding is indoors? Got it. Because the last time I checked church pews aren't comfortable and it's always too cold. And nobody said anything about formal wear. The only people who will be wearing formal attire are the 6 of us standing at the front.

kimmiinthemitten said:

DrillSergeantCat said:

Why isn't dressy casual a dress code? I've seen it several places. I didn't make it up.
Just because some people say it, doesn't make it a thing. I was lurking on another forum where someone said their guests were paying for their meals. Just because I read it, it doesn't make it okay. To me, dressy casual is going to be a black cocktail dress with funky jewelry, to my uncle its black jeans and a short sleeve Oxford, to my cousin it's not sweatpants. It's also generally considered rude to tell adults how to dress unless the event is black tie or the venue has restrictions (sport coat for men, no heels in the roof etc). The last event I attended with a non venue related dress code was Prom.
I'm not asking anyone to dress any specific way except the bridal party. Nowhere have I said that I'm having a dress code. I merely said I'd like for people to dress a certain way, not that I'm asking them to.

@mobkaz yes I did say it's on them to figure out that the venue is outside. That was at the suggestion that I put it on my invitations. I did say they can suck it up for 30 minutes. I stick to that because I'd do the same for any of them. I could see this reaction if I had an entire wedding planned outside in the middle of August but it's a ceremony only and it's late September. If it rains, I'm out $2500 and will have the entire thing at my reception
You need to be open to using this space for a plethora of reasons. What if it's 90, what if it rains the day before, what if the Zika virus makes its way to Oklahoma, what if it's windy....
The problem is...even if I have to use the reception venue, people will still be shoved outside for the same amount of time. And it's ALWAYS windy in Oklahoma. It's in our state song for a reason.

Not one single person has said having an outdoor wedding is rude for these reasons.
What is rude is subjecting your guests to uncomfortable conditions because it fits your vision. You don't need an outdoor ceremony to be married, you want one. You only need an officiant, a piece of paper and depending on the state a witness or two. You want an outdoor wedding. And yes, you would do it for your friends because you care about them and want to make them happy, and that is the same reason they will "suck it up" and do it for you. But do you really want your guests to have to "suck it up" for your wedding?
By this line of thinking, there should never be weddings, ever. Nobody needs a ceremony, they want one. So what's the point? I chose a date and a location that there will be very little for them to have to suck up.

As for my FMIL, I apologize for making a JOKE. Yes I was concerned that she'd show up wearing her "nice" hoodie but at the end of the day, if she did, she'd look like a fool. As I've already said, she's purchased two dresses and it even surprised my FH.

crowsgirl15 · June 2016

DrillSergeantCat said:

crowsgirl15 said:
It's rude because your primary goal (after making sure you have an officiant and a marriage license) should be your guests' comfort and enjoyment, not your "vision". Even if your guests are slightly uncomfortable outside, that's a reason to not have an outdoor wedding. The reason people here are being critical is because telling your guests they should "suck it up" because your vision is more important than their comfort level is just plain rude. Because your guests' comfort should be your primary concern.

I grew up in the south, and 80 degrees is hot. Is it nicer than 100 degrees? Sure, but I wouldn't want to be outside in either of them for any length of time in formal wear.

So it's okay to make your guests be slightly uncomfortable as long as the wedding is indoors? Got it. Because the last time I checked church pews aren't comfortable and it's always too cold. And nobody said anything about formal wear. The only people who will be wearing formal attire are the 6 of us standing at the front.

kimmiinthemitten said:

DrillSergeantCat said:

Why isn't dressy casual a dress code? I've seen it several places. I didn't make it up.
Just because some people say it, doesn't make it a thing. I was lurking on another forum where someone said their guests were paying for their meals. Just because I read it, it doesn't make it okay. To me, dressy casual is going to be a black cocktail dress with funky jewelry, to my uncle its black jeans and a short sleeve Oxford, to my cousin it's not sweatpants. It's also generally considered rude to tell adults how to dress unless the event is black tie or the venue has restrictions (sport coat for men, no heels in the roof etc). The last event I attended with a non venue related dress code was Prom.
I'm not asking anyone to dress any specific way except the bridal party. Nowhere have I said that I'm having a dress code. I merely said I'd like for people to dress a certain way, not that I'm asking them to.

@mobkaz yes I did say it's on them to figure out that the venue is outside. That was at the suggestion that I put it on my invitations. I did say they can suck it up for 30 minutes. I stick to that because I'd do the same for any of them. I could see this reaction if I had an entire wedding planned outside in the middle of August but it's a ceremony only and it's late September. If it rains, I'm out $2500 and will have the entire thing at my reception
You need to be open to using this space for a plethora of reasons. What if it's 90, what if it rains the day before, what if the Zika virus makes its way to Oklahoma, what if it's windy....
The problem is...even if I have to use the reception venue, people will still be shoved outside for the same amount of time. And it's ALWAYS windy in Oklahoma. It's in our state song for a reason.

Not one single person has said having an outdoor wedding is rude for these reasons.
What is rude is subjecting your guests to uncomfortable conditions because it fits your vision. You don't need an outdoor ceremony to be married, you want one. You only need an officiant, a piece of paper and depending on the state a witness or two. You want an outdoor wedding. And yes, you would do it for your friends because you care about them and want to make them happy, and that is the same reason they will "suck it up" and do it for you. But do you really want your guests to have to "suck it up" for your wedding?
By this line of thinking, there should never be weddings, ever. Nobody needs a ceremony, they want one. So what's the point? I chose a date and a location that there will be very little for them to have to suck up.

As for my FMIL, I apologize for making a JOKE. Yes I was concerned that she'd show up wearing her "nice" hoodie but at the end of the day, if she did, she'd look like a fool. As I've already said, she's purchased two dresses and it even surprised my FH.

No, it would also be rude to put your guests in an uncomfortable indoor situation. But it's much easier to climate control an indoor situation. If you suggested you were going to have your ceremony in a church without heat in January or a church without AC in August, you'd get the same responses.

I suppose "formal wear" was a mis-wording. Semi-formal wear? Dressy casual wear? If I'm sweating, I want to be in shorts and a tank top, not a dress, makeup, and heels. And at 80 degrees, I'd be sweating. That was my point.

DrillSergeantCat · June 2016

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020756/uploads/editor/ql/atqc6wf6t3zo.jpg

This is how the venue will be at the time of the ceremony. Sun will be near setting, but low enough that the mature trees surrounding the area will provide shade. On September 24th, in the evening, the temperature should be in the mid-70's. This isn't as big an issue as people are making it out to be. Our first choice of ceremony site was the Tropical Conservatory, but after walking through it for a few minutes, we decided it would be too hot and humid. I really am considering people's comfort.

crowsgirl15 · June 2016

DrillSergeantCat said:

This is how the venue will be at the time of the ceremony. Sun will be near setting, but low enough that the mature trees surrounding the area will provide shade. On September 24th, in the evening, the temperature should be in the mid-70's. This isn't as big an issue as people are making it out to be. Our first choice of ceremony site was the Tropical Conservatory, but after walking through it for a few minutes, we decided it would be too hot and humid. I really am considering people's comfort.

That's AWESOME! And if everything goes as planned, you should be in a great place and it will be comfortable for everyone! However, the point people have made on this post isn't about the best case scenario. The point is that if it happens to *not* be mid-70s that day at your ceremony location, and is instead in the 80s and hot, you should be willing to switch to your backup plan, rather than say your guests will "suck it up" because you'd do the same for them.

DrillSergeantCat · June 2016

@crowsgirl15 but that's the problem! Moving to the reception venue isn't any better. The ceremony would be indoors, but we would have to kick people outside while the reception is set up. The reception is about 2.5 miles from the ceremony and once the guests arrive there, they will be served hors d'oeuvres while we stay back and have pictures taken. If we move the entire thing to the reception site, the "cocktail" hour can't happen.

geebee908 · June 2016

The wedding I referred to earlier was in a place where the normal outside temps for this year are around 80. It was in the mid 90s on Saturday; that couple needed a plan B and needed to use it.

I'm glad you have a plan B, just don't get so attached to that picturesque gazebo that you'd make your guests "suck it up" for you if the weather isn't great. Our friends didn't have much to say about that wedding other than the description of the discomfort everyone endured for the ceremony.

DrillSergeantCat · June 2016

@geebee908 would little hand fans help? I'm seriously at a loss because Plan B is almost worse than Plan A if it's needed.

geebee908 · June 2016

DrillSergeantCat said:

@crowsgirl15 but that's the problem! Moving to the reception venue isn't any better. The ceremony would be indoors, but we would have to kick people outside while the reception is set up. The reception is about 2.5 miles from the ceremony and once the guests arrive there, they will be served hors d'oeuvres while we stay back and have pictures taken. If we move the entire thing to the reception site, the "cocktail" hour can't happen.

Then your plan B isn't workable. You're counting on people having to be outside. It's time to figure out another option.

DrillSergeantCat · June 2016

So here's my Plan B. If it rains. No wedding.

glasgowtolondon · June 2016

DrillSergeantCat said:

So here's my Plan B. If it rains. No wedding.

Sounds like a great plan, I love it!

Does the reception venue offer a tented area? There is also the option (if needed) to have your venue already set up for the reception but have your guests sat at their tables for the ceremony. There are other options if you need them.

geebee908 · June 2016

DrillSergeantCat said:

@geebee908 would little hand fans help? I'm seriously at a loss because Plan B is almost worse than Plan A if it's needed.

People here have used the reception site as their plan B and just had guests sit at their assigned tables for the ceremony. Not ideal either, but better than having anyone outside if the weather is dicey.

DrillSergeantCat · June 2016

geebee908 said:

DrillSergeantCat said:

@geebee908 would little hand fans help? I'm seriously at a loss because Plan B is almost worse than Plan A if it's needed.

People here have used the reception site as their plan B and just had guests sit at their assigned tables for the ceremony. Not ideal either, but better than having anyone outside if the weather is dicey.

No, it's not large enough to have the tables set up and there be a walkway. Plan b is no wedding.

geebee908 · June 2016

DrillSergeantCat said:

geebee908 said:

DrillSergeantCat said:

@geebee908 would little hand fans help? I'm seriously at a loss because Plan B is almost worse than Plan A if it's needed.

People here have used the reception site as their plan B and just had guests sit at their assigned tables for the ceremony. Not ideal either, but better than having anyone outside if the weather is dicey.

No, it's not large enough to have the tables set up and there be a walkway. Plan b is no wedding.

Can they take down a few tables and set those chairs up elsewhere within view of the ceremony? Then just a few tables need to be put up after by the venue staff.

DrillSergeantCat · June 2016

geebee908 said:
Can they take down a few tables and set those chairs up elsewhere within view of the ceremony? Then just a few tables need to be put up after by the venue staff.

There's no room to move them. There's no area for the bridal party to hide pre-ceremony. It just won't work. If the wedding were 25 guests, no problem, but it's not. It's 100.

geebee908 · June 2016

DrillSergeantCat said:

geebee908 said:
Can they take down a few tables and set those chairs up elsewhere within view of the ceremony? Then just a few tables need to be put up after by the venue staff.

There's no room to move them. There's no area for the bridal party to hide pre-ceremony. It just won't work. If the wedding were 25 guests, no problem, but it's not. It's 100.

I'm starting to feel like this is one of those "getting everyone across a river" puzzles, but I'm not ready to give up yet. Does the bridal party have to hide pre-ceremony? Is it so cramped that there isn't room for all of you to wait in the back of the reception area?

DrillSergeantCat · June 2016

geebee908 said:I'm starting to feel like this is one of those "getting everyone across a river" puzzles, but I'm not ready to give up yet. Does the bridal party have to hide pre-ceremony? Is it so cramped that there isn't room for all of you to wait in the back of the reception area?

It's a restaurant. The back of the area is the kitchen.

crowsgirl15 · June 2016

DrillSergeantCat said:

@crowsgirl15 but that's the problem! Moving to the reception venue isn't any better. The ceremony would be indoors, but we would have to kick people outside while the reception is set up. The reception is about 2.5 miles from the ceremony and once the guests arrive there, they will be served hors d'oeuvres while we stay back and have pictures taken. If we move the entire thing to the reception site, the "cocktail" hour can't happen.

This is exactly why people on this thread have suggested you find a better, more workable plan B. And not "no wedding", a true plan b.

Perhaps the dance floor can work as the ceremony space? (Not sure if you have one, I apologize if I missed this). And then you have cocktail hour in the ceremony space while you go elsewhere for pictures.

DrillSergeantCat · June 2016

crowsgirl15 said:This is exactly why people on this thread have suggested you find a better, more workable plan B. And not "no wedding", a true plan b.

Perhaps the dance floor can work as the ceremony space? (Not sure if you have one, I apologize if I missed this). And then you have cocktail hour in the ceremony space while you go elsewhere for pictures.

It's not big enough. Truly, the only way there can be a plan b is if I spend another several thousand dollars to rent a second venue on the off chance it rains.

geebee908 · June 2016

DrillSergeantCat said:

geebee908 said:I'm starting to feel like this is one of those "getting everyone across a river" puzzles, but I'm not ready to give up yet. Does the bridal party have to hide pre-ceremony? Is it so cramped that there isn't room for all of you to wait in the back of the reception area?

It's a restaurant. The back of the area is the kitchen.

So there was no real thought given to a plan B when you booked the venues. Everything has to work out perfectly for this wedding to happen as you envision and you're not in control of the weather. It could be great or it could be a disaster. I'll pray for good weather for you then because that's your only hope for a good outcome.

crowsgirl15 · June 2016

DrillSergeantCat said:

crowsgirl15 said:This is exactly why people on this thread have suggested you find a better, more workable plan B. And not "no wedding", a true plan b.

Perhaps the dance floor can work as the ceremony space? (Not sure if you have one, I apologize if I missed this). And then you have cocktail hour in the ceremony space while you go elsewhere for pictures.

It's not big enough. Truly, the only way there can be a plan b is if I spend another several thousand dollars to rent a second venue on the off chance it rains.

Not big enough for what? Didn't you say there were 6 wedding party members? Wouldn't they fit on the dance floor? (Honest question, no snark. Trying to help you figure out a plan!)

glasgowtolondon · June 2016

Can the wedding party arrange to arrive once the guests are seated so that they don't have to hide? With the tables, why not speak to your venue. They will be very experienced in the logistical side of set up and may have a simple solution. It can't hurt to ask.

Look, its not like anyone is saying this has to be what happens, its just a back up "if the worst happens" plan. You chose an outdoor ceremony, unfortunately you need a back up plan. Why not let us help and be open to suggestions? At the end of the day it's not going to be a problem for any of us, only you and your guests.

eta: just saw previous post about venue being in a restaurant and only other room being the kitchen.

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