Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions

Prayers of the people - thoughts?

After the readings, we're going to have my Dad read the following:

Please respond: Creator, hear our prayer.


For FW and OWK, that they may love, honor, and cherish each other more each day. (Response)

For all committed couples, married or not (Moment of silence and response.)

For the widowed, divorced, and single (Moment of silence and response.)

For those looking for a relationship (Moment of silence and response.)

For those in troubled relationships (Moment of silence and response.)

For those who are survivors of trauma and abuse (Moment of silence and response.)

For all children (Moment of silence and response.)

For all elders (Moment of silence and response.)

For our loved ones who have gone on ahead (Moment of silence and response.)

For the animals with whom we share our homes and lives, and for all living beings (Moment of silence and response.)

For our community (Moment of silence and response.)

For our country (Moment of silence and response.)

For our planet (Moment of silence and response.)



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Re: Prayers of the people - thoughts?

  • I'm not religious and I would not be comfortable being asked to participate in this.



  • Is there a way to shorten it so all of your guests can be a part of the same prayer regardless of relationship status?
    image
  • Viczaesar said:
    I'm not religious and I would not be comfortable being asked to participate in this.
    I'm not religious either, but FW is and so are many of our guests.

    @Jen4948 and @kimmiinthemitten, I may end up cutting those lines out. Not sure, will have to discuss with FW.
  • I agree with @Jen4948 about lines 3-6, and I'm also struggling to understand how the last 4 lines relate to a wedding.

    I am also not religious and would likely be a little uncomfortable being asked to participate.


    "And when they use our atoms to make new lives, they won’t just be able to take one, they’ll have to take two, one of you and one of me..."
    --Philip Pullman

  • Is there a way to shorten it so all of your guests can be a part of the same prayer regardless of relationship status?
    We did leave out poly arrangements to avoid scandalizing my very Catholic and Lutheran family. 
  • MobKazMobKaz member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    @AtomicBlonde, offering intercessions for these communities are fairly "standard" in the Catholic Church.......
    a) for the needs of the Church;
    b) for public authorities and the salvation of the whole world;
    c) for those burdened by any kind of difficulty;
    d) for the local community.

    @OurWildKingdom, it might be helpful to refer to Catholic websites to get ideas for consolidating some of these considerations.  If you have a good relationship with your families, you can make a general intercession thanking your parents and family members for guiding you with their loving and faithful example. You can offer a general intercession for those not present on your day. 

    Here is an example of intercessions written with a nuptial mass in mind.  They may offer a springboard from which you can personalize your own with FW.
    http://www.foreverwed.com/articles/ceremony/catholic/45628aq.html


  • Viczaesar said:
    I'm not religious and I would not be comfortable being asked to participate in this.
    Not being snarky, but what do you mean by participate. I took the prayer to mean you would just sit there during the moment of silence. What do you do during weddings that have religious elements to them?

    @OurWildKingdom I agree that some of the lines (already mentioned) aren't appropriate for a wedding and that @MobKaz had a good idea.
  • Thanks for the clarification, @MobKaz! I have a little better understanding now. 


    "And when they use our atoms to make new lives, they won’t just be able to take one, they’ll have to take two, one of you and one of me..."
    --Philip Pullman

  • This feels pretty negative and doom and gloom to me. 
  • This feels pretty negative and doom and gloom to me. 
    Now that I look at it again, I see what you mean.

    Thanks everyone! I'll do some revisions this weekend. Or maybe I'll just use something already written or ask my Dad to come up with his own.
  • Viczaesar said:
    I'm not religious and I would not be comfortable being asked to participate in this.
    Not being snarky, but what do you mean by participate. I took the prayer to mean you would just sit there during the moment of silence. What do you do during weddings that have religious elements to them?

    @OurWildKingdom I agree that some of the lines (already mentioned) aren't appropriate for a wedding and that @MobKaz had a good idea.
    I took it that when it says "Please Respond: Creator, Hear Our Prayer" everyone was supposed to say that, and say it during each "(Moment of silence and response)".



  • edited June 2016
    Viczaesar said:
    Viczaesar said:
    I'm not religious and I would not be comfortable being asked to participate in this.
    Not being snarky, but what do you mean by participate. I took the prayer to mean you would just sit there during the moment of silence. What do you do during weddings that have religious elements to them?

    @OurWildKingdom I agree that some of the lines (already mentioned) aren't appropriate for a wedding and that @MobKaz had a good idea.
    I took it that when it says "Please Respond: Creator, Hear Our Prayer" everyone was supposed to say that, and say it during each "(Moment of silence and response)".
    Ahhhh, missed that line. You, of course, could just sit there silently as I'm sure many people do when attending a wedding in a religious venue that doesn't coincide with their belief.

    ETA:words
  • Viczaesar said:
    Viczaesar said:
    I'm not religious and I would not be comfortable being asked to participate in this.
    Not being snarky, but what do you mean by participate. I took the prayer to mean you would just sit there during the moment of silence. What do you do during weddings that have religious elements to them?

    @OurWildKingdom I agree that some of the lines (already mentioned) aren't appropriate for a wedding and that @MobKaz had a good idea.
    I took it that when it says "Please Respond: Creator, Hear Our Prayer" everyone was supposed to say that, and say it during each "(Moment of silence and response)".
    Ahhhh, missed that line. You, of course, could just sit there silently as I'm sure many people do when attending a wedding in a religious venue that doesn't coincide with their belief.

    ETA:words
    Yes, I physically could, but I would feel uncomfortable being asked to participate, as I said.  Not participating when people around me are makes me feel conspicuous.  Sometimes outing yourself as a non-Christian is a dangerous and uncomfortable proposition.  I have no problem attending wedding ceremonies of various religions.  I do have a problem with being asked to participate in a religious aspect of said ceremony.



  • Viczaesar said:
    Viczaesar said:
    Viczaesar said:
    I'm not religious and I would not be comfortable being asked to participate in this.
    Not being snarky, but what do you mean by participate. I took the prayer to mean you would just sit there during the moment of silence. What do you do during weddings that have religious elements to them?

    @OurWildKingdom I agree that some of the lines (already mentioned) aren't appropriate for a wedding and that @MobKaz had a good idea.
    I took it that when it says "Please Respond: Creator, Hear Our Prayer" everyone was supposed to say that, and say it during each "(Moment of silence and response)".
    Ahhhh, missed that line. You, of course, could just sit there silently as I'm sure many people do when attending a wedding in a religious venue that doesn't coincide with their belief.

    ETA:words
    Yes, I physically could, but I would feel uncomfortable being asked to participate, as I said.  Not participating when people around me are makes me feel conspicuous.  Sometimes outing yourself as a non-Christian is a dangerous and uncomfortable proposition.

    SITB

    So true. I was a Christian for years and now identify as agnostic, so I get that feeling, @Viczaesar.

    The prayers were a request from FW; I'm not comfortable with an overly religious ceremony, but she wanted some recognition of spirituality.

    That said, I did find some prayers/blessings that are more suitable and that she likes (see next post).
  • OK, let me know what you think of these:

    Gaelic Blessing

    Adapted from - ancient gaelic runes

    Deep peace of the running wave to you.
    Deep peace of the flowing air to you.
    Deep peace of the quiet earth to you.
    Deep peace of the shining stars to you.
    Deep peace of the infinite peace to you.

    Irish Wedding Blessing, 3

    May your mornings bring joy and your evenings bring peace.
    May your troubles grow few as your blessings increase.
    May the saddest day of your future
    Be no worse than the happiest day of your past.
    May your hands be forever clasped in friendship
    And your hearts joined forever in love.
    Your lives are very special,
    God has touched you in many ways.
    May his blessings rest upon you
    And fill all your coming days.



    Jewish Seven Wedding Blessings (Contemporary)

    May your marriage enrich your lives.
    May you work together to build a relationship of substance and quality.
    May the honesty of your communication build a foundation of understanding, connection, and trust.
    May you respect each other’s individual personality and philosophy, and give each other room to grow and fulfill each other’s dreams.
    May your sense of humor and playful spirit continue to enliven your relationship.
    May you understand that neither of you is perfect: you are both subject to human frailties: and may your love strengthen when you fall short of each other’s expectations.
    May you be “best friends”, better together than either of you are apart.





  • I went to a Catholic wedding once where we were "asked" if we wanted a blessing from the pastor? whoever was leading the ceremony. If were interested, we went up row by row and got a blessing and took communion (I think? There were wafers). I wasn't interested. I wasn't comfortable sharing in someone else's faith, and I was even less comfortable receiving a blessing from that guy (bad vibes from the moment he started speaking to the couple).  So I stood to let the rest of my row pass and waited for them to be reseated, and chose to exercise my right to decline the blessing.

    The priest/reverend/whatever gave me a very nasty look (seriously, if looks could kill), and people still talk about my choice behind my back.  I was the only one who declined in the entire church.

    I was singled out amongst everyone, and while it is a unique case, it made me very uncomfortable and has since put me in a position where I feel pressured to participate in religious rites I am not comfortable with.  I never should have been put in that position in the first place and still do not truly feel as though it was a actual choice I was in the right to decline.

    It was the only Catholic or church wedding I've ever been to where that request was made of the guests.

    My situation is probably unique and not applicable to your guests, but that's why I would feel uncomfortable with the prayer of the people here.

    I'm Irish, and married to a Scot, so I love the Gaelic blessing, and I would be comfortable with the Irish blessing, as well.


    "And when they use our atoms to make new lives, they won’t just be able to take one, they’ll have to take two, one of you and one of me..."
    --Philip Pullman

  • I went to a Catholic wedding once where we were "asked" if we wanted a blessing from the pastor? whoever was leading the ceremony. If were interested, we went up row by row and got a blessing and took communion (I think? There were wafers). I wasn't interested. I wasn't comfortable sharing in someone else's faith, and I was even less comfortable receiving a blessing from that guy (bad vibes from the moment he started speaking to the couple).  So I stood to let the rest of my row pass and waited for them to be reseated, and chose to exercise my right to decline the blessing.

    The priest/reverend/whatever gave me a very nasty look (seriously, if looks could kill), and people still talk about my choice behind my back.  I was the only one who declined in the entire church.

    I was singled out amongst everyone, and while it is a unique case, it made me very uncomfortable and has since put me in a position where I feel pressured to participate in religious rites I am not comfortable with.  I never should have been put in that position in the first place and still do not truly feel as though it was a actual choice I was in the right to decline.

    It was the only Catholic or church wedding I've ever been to where that request was made of the guests.

    My situation is probably unique and not applicable to your guests, but that's why I would feel uncomfortable with the prayer of the people here.

    I'm Irish, and married to a Scot, so I love the Gaelic blessing, and I would be comfortable with the Irish blessing, as well.
    Yeah, I've never had that happen either! I've been to plenty of Catholic services and several weddings. It was always an option, never a requirement to go and receive the blessing. There are bad apples in every batch, I guess.
  • I'm really sorry that happened to you, @AtomicBlonde. I grew up Catholic and went to Mass a few times after converting to the Episcopal church, and I never saw nor experienced anything like that. But unfortunately, it happens to too many people. (Part of the reason why I am no longer Catholic or religious at all.)
  • Viczaesar said:
    Viczaesar said:
    Viczaesar said:
    I'm not religious and I would not be comfortable being asked to participate in this.
    Not being snarky, but what do you mean by participate. I took the prayer to mean you would just sit there during the moment of silence. What do you do during weddings that have religious elements to them?

    @OurWildKingdom I agree that some of the lines (already mentioned) aren't appropriate for a wedding and that @MobKaz had a good idea.
    I took it that when it says "Please Respond: Creator, Hear Our Prayer" everyone was supposed to say that, and say it during each "(Moment of silence and response)".
    Ahhhh, missed that line. You, of course, could just sit there silently as I'm sure many people do when attending a wedding in a religious venue that doesn't coincide with their belief.

    ETA:words
    Yes, I physically could, but I would feel uncomfortable being asked to participate, as I said.  Not participating when people around me are makes me feel conspicuous.  Sometimes outing yourself as a non-Christian is a dangerous and uncomfortable proposition.  I have no problem attending wedding ceremonies of various religions.  I do have a problem with being asked to participate in a religious aspect of said ceremony.
    I respect how you feel and only you know how you feel. However, I don't think it is reasonable to expect people not to do something for their wedding because of your feelings. I will say that I have been to weddings/services where I didn't participate in certain aspects (most notably communion/blessing at a Catholic wedding/services) and didn't feel any hostility from anyone.At my own church, the only reason I would notice someone not participating in communion (I would never notice any other aspect) would be because I would have to step over them to get out of the pew. I am sorry you have experienced hostility in some instances.
    And I disagree.  When you involve other people you need to keep their comfort in mind, and that extends to what you're asking them to participate in.  I'll happily watch whatever.  I think it crosses the line to ask me to participate in a verbal prayer.  In a Catholic service only Catholics in good standing are allowed to take communion; you are not asked to participate regardless of your religious affiliation.



  • Viczaesar said:
    Viczaesar said:
    Viczaesar said:
    Viczaesar said:
    I'm not religious and I would not be comfortable being asked to participate in this.
    Not being snarky, but what do you mean by participate. I took the prayer to mean you would just sit there during the moment of silence. What do you do during weddings that have religious elements to them?

    @OurWildKingdom I agree that some of the lines (already mentioned) aren't appropriate for a wedding and that @MobKaz had a good idea.
    I took it that when it says "Please Respond: Creator, Hear Our Prayer" everyone was supposed to say that, and say it during each "(Moment of silence and response)".
    Ahhhh, missed that line. You, of course, could just sit there silently as I'm sure many people do when attending a wedding in a religious venue that doesn't coincide with their belief.

    ETA:words
    Yes, I physically could, but I would feel uncomfortable being asked to participate, as I said.  Not participating when people around me are makes me feel conspicuous.  Sometimes outing yourself as a non-Christian is a dangerous and uncomfortable proposition.  I have no problem attending wedding ceremonies of various religions.  I do have a problem with being asked to participate in a religious aspect of said ceremony.
    I respect how you feel and only you know how you feel. However, I don't think it is reasonable to expect people not to do something for their wedding because of your feelings. I will say that I have been to weddings/services where I didn't participate in certain aspects (most notably communion/blessing at a Catholic wedding/services) and didn't feel any hostility from anyone.At my own church, the only reason I would notice someone not participating in communion (I would never notice any other aspect) would be because I would have to step over them to get out of the pew. I am sorry you have experienced hostility in some instances.
    And I disagree.  When you involve other people you need to keep their comfort in mind, and that extends to what you're asking them to participate in.  I'll happily watch whatever.  I think it crosses the line to ask me to participate in a verbal prayer.  In a Catholic service only Catholics in good standing are allowed to take communion; you are not asked to participate regardless of your religious affiliation.
    The communion part is true but as PPs have shown they (Catholics) ask people to participate (optional) in a blessing. However, there are prayers in the Catholic service (and my Protestant church's) that ask for the congregation to respond. Like I said previously, a guest should just refrain from participating if something goes against their beliefs. Asking the couple to change their religion's ceremony is going too far to try and accommodate all guests' beliefs.
  • Viczaesar said:
    Viczaesar said:
    Viczaesar said:
    Viczaesar said:
    I'm not religious and I would not be comfortable being asked to participate in this.
    Not being snarky, but what do you mean by participate. I took the prayer to mean you would just sit there during the moment of silence. What do you do during weddings that have religious elements to them?

    @OurWildKingdom I agree that some of the lines (already mentioned) aren't appropriate for a wedding and that @MobKaz had a good idea.
    I took it that when it says "Please Respond: Creator, Hear Our Prayer" everyone was supposed to say that, and say it during each "(Moment of silence and response)".
    Ahhhh, missed that line. You, of course, could just sit there silently as I'm sure many people do when attending a wedding in a religious venue that doesn't coincide with their belief.

    ETA:words
    Yes, I physically could, but I would feel uncomfortable being asked to participate, as I said.  Not participating when people around me are makes me feel conspicuous.  Sometimes outing yourself as a non-Christian is a dangerous and uncomfortable proposition.  I have no problem attending wedding ceremonies of various religions.  I do have a problem with being asked to participate in a religious aspect of said ceremony.
    I respect how you feel and only you know how you feel. However, I don't think it is reasonable to expect people not to do something for their wedding because of your feelings. I will say that I have been to weddings/services where I didn't participate in certain aspects (most notably communion/blessing at a Catholic wedding/services) and didn't feel any hostility from anyone.At my own church, the only reason I would notice someone not participating in communion (I would never notice any other aspect) would be because I would have to step over them to get out of the pew. I am sorry you have experienced hostility in some instances.
    And I disagree.  When you involve other people you need to keep their comfort in mind, and that extends to what you're asking them to participate in.  I'll happily watch whatever.  I think it crosses the line to ask me to participate in a verbal prayer.  In a Catholic service only Catholics in good standing are allowed to take communion; you are not asked to participate regardless of your religious affiliation.
    The communion part is true but as PPs have shown they (Catholics) ask people to participate (optional) in a blessing. However, there are prayers in the Catholic service (and my Protestant church's) that ask for the congregation to respond. Like I said previously, a guest should just refrain from participating if something goes against their beliefs. Asking the couple to change their religion's ceremony is going too far to try and accommodate all guests' beliefs.
    I agree with the bolded, 100%. While my experience did leave a lasting impact, I know it's not commonplace. I'd never ask a couple to change their ceremony because of an anomalous experience. Faith is important, no matter who or what, and I respect that. I wouldn't be comfortable being asked to participate, especially in anything that WOULD single me out if I declined, but I wouldn't be uncomfortable with the participation of others, or prayers, or other religious motifs. I'm not intolerant of the beliefs of others, I just lack an understanding of the basis of these beliefs to feel comfortable participating with them.

    I understand the prayers of our people a little better, thanks to everyone who provided input and feedback, but anything which asks for a response has the potential to single people out. I'd never say no, don't do it, but I'd be a little uncomfortable as a guest. 


    "And when they use our atoms to make new lives, they won’t just be able to take one, they’ll have to take two, one of you and one of me..."
    --Philip Pullman


  • The communion part is true but as PPs have shown they (Catholics) ask people to participate (optional) in a blessing. However, there are prayers in the Catholic service (and my Protestant church's) that ask for the congregation to respond. Like I said previously, a guest should just refrain from participating if something goes against their beliefs. Asking the couple to change their religion's ceremony is going too far to try and accommodate all guests' beliefs.
    And yet this is not an established element of a religion's ceremony; it's an additional prayer that they wanted to add, which I think is a bad idea for the aforementioned reasons.  



  • Viczaesar said:

    The communion part is true but as PPs have shown they (Catholics) ask people to participate (optional) in a blessing. However, there are prayers in the Catholic service (and my Protestant church's) that ask for the congregation to respond. Like I said previously, a guest should just refrain from participating if something goes against their beliefs. Asking the couple to change their religion's ceremony is going too far to try and accommodate all guests' beliefs.
    And yet this is not an established element of a religion's ceremony; it's an additional prayer that they wanted to add, which I think is a bad idea for the aforementioned reasons.  
    From my understanding the prayers that are part of the Catholic service (and the prayers in my church) are an established part of the ceremony. If I am wrong about that, I would appreciate it if a practicing Catholic could let me know. My post might have been confusing though, when I put "optional" in parenthesis I meant the participation is optional. @Viczaesar, I realize you have had bad experiences with religious services and you are allowed your opinions and feelings about them, but I never think it is a bad idea for a person/couple to express their religious beliefs.
  • MobKazMobKaz member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Viczaesar said:

    The communion part is true but as PPs have shown they (Catholics) ask people to participate (optional) in a blessing. However, there are prayers in the Catholic service (and my Protestant church's) that ask for the congregation to respond. Like I said previously, a guest should just refrain from participating if something goes against their beliefs. Asking the couple to change their religion's ceremony is going too far to try and accommodate all guests' beliefs.
    And yet this is not an established element of a religion's ceremony; it's an additional prayer that they wanted to add, which I think is a bad idea for the aforementioned reasons.  
    From my understanding the prayers that are part of the Catholic service (and the prayers in my church) are an established part of the ceremony. If I am wrong about that, I would appreciate it if a practicing Catholic could let me know. My post might have been confusing though, when I put "optional" in parenthesis I meant the participation is optional. @Viczaesar, I realize you have had bad experiences with religious services and you are allowed your opinions and feelings about them, but I never think it is a bad idea for a person/couple to express their religious beliefs.
    General intercessions are included in every mass, including the Nuptial Mass.

    For what it's worth, I have attended several non Catholic ceremonies and remained silent.  There are also many non-practicing Catholics that remain silent for some prayers and responses that have changed in recent years that they no longer recognize from their past.
  • Viczaesar said:

    The communion part is true but as PPs have shown they (Catholics) ask people to participate (optional) in a blessing. However, there are prayers in the Catholic service (and my Protestant church's) that ask for the congregation to respond. Like I said previously, a guest should just refrain from participating if something goes against their beliefs. Asking the couple to change their religion's ceremony is going too far to try and accommodate all guests' beliefs.
    And yet this is not an established element of a religion's ceremony; it's an additional prayer that they wanted to add, which I think is a bad idea for the aforementioned reasons.  
    From my understanding the prayers that are part of the Catholic service (and the prayers in my church) are an established part of the ceremony. If I am wrong about that, I would appreciate it if a practicing Catholic could let me know. My post might have been confusing though, when I put "optional" in parenthesis I meant the participation is optional. @Viczaesar, I realize you have had bad experiences with religious services and you are allowed your opinions and feelings about them, but I never think it is a bad idea for a person/couple to express their religious beliefs.
    Is this specific prayer an established part of a specific religious service?  The fact that OP was taking a poll on whether to add it gave me the impression that it was not.



  • edited June 2016
    Viczaesar said:
    Viczaesar said:

    The communion part is true but as PPs have shown they (Catholics) ask people to participate (optional) in a blessing. However, there are prayers in the Catholic service (and my Protestant church's) that ask for the congregation to respond. Like I said previously, a guest should just refrain from participating if something goes against their beliefs. Asking the couple to change their religion's ceremony is going too far to try and accommodate all guests' beliefs.
    And yet this is not an established element of a religion's ceremony; it's an additional prayer that they wanted to add, which I think is a bad idea for the aforementioned reasons.  
    From my understanding the prayers that are part of the Catholic service (and the prayers in my church) are an established part of the ceremony. If I am wrong about that, I would appreciate it if a practicing Catholic could let me know. My post might have been confusing though, when I put "optional" in parenthesis I meant the participation is optional. @Viczaesar, I realize you have had bad experiences with religious services and you are allowed your opinions and feelings about them, but I never think it is a bad idea for a person/couple to express their religious beliefs.
    Is this specific prayer an established part of a specific religious service?  The fact that OP was taking a poll on whether to add it gave me the impression that it was not.
    You're correct, @Viczaesar. While our officiant is a United Church of Christ minister, our service is largely secular. However, at FW's request, we're including two Scripture readings, and she wanted to include a prayer as well.

    Also, my family and some of our friends are very religious. But now that I think about it, the guest participation, even if optional, would not be comfortable for some of our guests.

    FW likes the Jewish Seven Wedding Blessings best, but I can see how the Gaelic and Irish blessings might be more universal.
  • OWK, I like all three of the others you posted.  If your FW is drawn to the Seven Wedding Blessing the most, go for it!  It's lovely.



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