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Today's four men

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,
My boyfriend and I had a fight. Really, it was a non-fight: He was mad that I felt hurt about something. He stopped texting, wouldn’t take my phone calls, and we didn’t speak for three weeks. The day before my birthday (a milestone one) he texted that he “felt terrible” about not having plans with me. But he didn’t offer to make plans or say he wanted to spend the day with me. A couple of weeks later, we reconciled. But I feel he abandoned me on an emotionally important day. I’ve explained how I feel, and he seems to hear; he apologizes. But then he resets to his default mode and doesn’t really take it on. I don’t want to guilt him, but I’m finding it hard to move forward and I wish he had a stronger sense of emotional responsibility toward me. He says he loves me, but I feel he is not careful with my heart. Is this a problem with me? Should I just get over it and get over myself? Or is this a problem with the relationship?

—Get Over It

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Re: Today's four men

  • cowgirl8238cowgirl8238 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer

    It sounds like LW should move on.  This guy doesn't seem as invested in the relationship...a few days to cool off sure, but 3 weeks with just a text and then 3 more weeks (a month and a half) before they truly reconciled?

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  • missJeanLouisemissJeanLouise member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I don't know how she didn't move on in the 3 weeks it took for dude to text her. I would have made my own fabulous plans with my fabulous friends for my birthday and told him to suck it.
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  • driddrid member
    250 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    Why would you want to spend your time and energy on somebody who is perfectly fine ignoring your existence for three weeks. That's just insane to me. No-matter what kind of fight, three weeks of silence is in no-way warranted. Girl needs some confidence in herself to move on and tell this guy where to go. 
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  • MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    AtomicBlonde said:
    So I'm reading this as, "I'm butthurt because you have feelings, so peace out. Oh, by the way, sucks that tomorrow is your birthday, but I don't really want to hang out or support you because I'm butthurt that you have feelings.  But I'll reach back out in two weeks and continue to ignore that you have feelings because you're human."

    DTMFA.
    Does that mean "dump that mother fuckin ass" ? Because that's what I got.
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  • MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    charlotte989875 said:
    He's made it clear she's not a priority, why make him one? Move on. 

    But seriously, "emotionally important day"?! I'm a huge fan of birthdays and I'd be hurt if my H didn't acknowledge it, but really I think this is a little dramatic. 
    I'm wondering about this too. I would consider my 30th bday an 'emotionally important day' because I am not ready to be 30, so could that be the issue? Or something else that birthdays trigger a bad/sad memory?
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    MissKittyDanger said:
    AtomicBlonde said:
    So I'm reading this as, "I'm butthurt because you have feelings, so peace out. Oh, by the way, sucks that tomorrow is your birthday, but I don't really want to hang out or support you because I'm butthurt that you have feelings.  But I'll reach back out in two weeks and continue to ignore that you have feelings because you're human."

    DTMFA.
    Does that mean "dump that mother fuckin ass" ? Because that's what I got.

    I've seen it DTMF = Dump The Mother Fucker.  By Dan Savage, who is a sex advice columnist that writes "Savage Love".  I'm not saying he coined the phrase, just where I've primarily seen it.
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    I had a long term b/f who happened to be having a bad mood for my birthday that year.  I had been having a good day and was happy it was my bday and that we were going out for a nice night.  I tried to not let him get me down.  But he kept harping at me and purposely trying to pick a fight.  Finally, by the end of the night, I exploded at one of his comments after keeping a happy smile and trying to let things roll off my back.  I was screaming at him and crying...very unusual behaviors for me, especially the screaming.  And he dropped me back off at home without walking me to my door.

    I would have been mad at that behavior anyway.  In our 2-year relationship, that was one of about 3 times he did something like that.  But the fact that he did it on my bday was almost a dealbreaker.  I gave a lot of thought to if I wanted to end things.  It wasn't just that, but it was the SHEAVE of straw that broke the camel's back.  Not just one straw, lol.  I still hadn't decided by the next day.  He called me that morning groveling and apologizing profusely.  And how he felt extra bad because it had been my bday.  We had a discussion about it.

    In the end, I forgave him.  But should have DTMF.  He broke up with me 2 months later anyway.  Good riddance. 

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  • bleve0821bleve0821 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    mrsconn23 said:
    short+sassy said:
    MissKittyDanger said:
    AtomicBlonde said:
    So I'm reading this as, "I'm butthurt because you have feelings, so peace out. Oh, by the way, sucks that tomorrow is your birthday, but I don't really want to hang out or support you because I'm butthurt that you have feelings.  But I'll reach back out in two weeks and continue to ignore that you have feelings because you're human."

    DTMFA.
    Does that mean "dump that mother fuckin ass" ? Because that's what I got.

    I've seen it DTMF = Dump The Mother Fucker.  By Dan Savage, who is a sex advice columnist that writes "Savage Love".  I'm not saying he coined the phrase, just where I've primarily seen it.
    DTMFA = Dump the Mother Fucking Asshole

    The A just puts a little more stank on it.  ;) 
    In my world, it's Dump the Mother Fucker, Already, so now I feel like I have been unnecessarily mean when doling out advice to LWs wronged by the schiesty (wo)men of Prudie world.


    "And when they use our atoms to make new lives, they won’t just be able to take one, they’ll have to take two, one of you and one of me..."
    --Philip Pullman

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  • thefanciestbecklerthefanciestbeckler member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    I always thought the "A" in DTMFA stood for "already", too @AtomicBlonde.

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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    thefanciestbeckler said:
    I always thought the "A" in DTMFA stood for "already", too @AtomicBlonde.


    You are totally right.  In my Dan Savage world, it is DTMFA = Dump The Mother Fucker Already.  I forgot the Already.

    It's been a long time since I read his column.  I need to get back in the habit.  It is eye opening.  I never knew so many unusual fetishes existed, lol.

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  • kerbohlkerbohl member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    short+sassy said:

    Speaking of birthdays, mine's on Sunday (Nov. 20th)!! :)

    No real plans, but that's okay.  I'll turn it into one of my "Mimosa Sundays" and have all the fixings ready for my H to make me some awesome meals.  He is sweet like that. 

    It's my birthday too!  I plan to dig ditches, because I still have yard work to finish before winter hits ... your plan is much smarter.  I suspect my husband is decorating a fancy cake for me, because my chocolate sprinkles went missing.  I hope it's a bunny cake!

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