Plus ones for adult cousins living with parents

ahoywedding · December 2016

For the life of me, I can't figure this one out. I have three adult cousins (siblings) who all live with their parents (two are in college, one is preparing to move out of the country). I'd like to invite them all with a plus one (no one is dating anyone).

I know the general rule is sending a separate invite to all guests over 18. I've also seen a few etiquette websites saying if the adult lives at home they can be included with their parents. In this case, do I have to send 4 invites to the same house? There's no good way to write this without looking stupid:

Mr. and Mrs. Uncle and Aunt LastName
Cousin, Cousin, Cousin
Guest, Guest, Guest

What am I missing?

greeninspring · December 2016

Since they're all in the same family, maybe you could just send one invite then call them and let them know they're all allowed a plus one if desired? That's probably not proper etiquette, but I agree that it is a strange situation. I wouldn't want to send 4 invitations to the same house either if I was you.

InLoveInQueens · December 2016

Especially since you're inviting them with a guest you should send them each their own invitation. The few sites saying it's ok are the wrong ones in this situation, over 18 = their own invitation, even if they live with someone else being invited. If you were just inviting the cousins and not the parents some would say it's fine to include them on their parents invitation, possibly myself included, but the guests complicate things and sending everyone an invitation makes it clear as day that each cousin gets a guest.

Plus, it saves you from one cousin not wanting to bring anyone so another cousin invites a second person.

SaintPaulGal · December 2016

Generally speaking, how formal is this family? There are people I know who would side eye the improper nature of a single invitation for the whole family, and there are other people I know who would find it hella bizarre to receive four separate invites at the same house. I expect that you know where on that spectrum these people would be likely to fall. If they are more casual folks, I don't think there is anything wrong with sending a single invite and then verbally informing them that they can bring guests.

Caveat: I will admit to being a total heathen when it comes to formal invite etiquette. I care a lot about the etiquette rules that center around guest comfort, but I personally don't care at all about traditional wording or inner envelopes or handwritten addresses or any of that jazz. Your mileage may vary.

ahoywedding · December 2016

SaintPaulGal said:

Generally speaking, how formal is this family? There are people I know who would side eye the improper nature of a single invitation for the whole family, and there are other people I know who would find it hella bizarre to receive four separate invites at the same house. I expect that you know where on that spectrum these people would be likely to fall. If they are more casual folks, I don't think there is anything wrong with sending a single invite and then verbally informing them that they can bring guests.

Caveat: I will admit to being a total heathen when it comes to formal invite etiquette. I care a lot about the etiquette rules that center around guest comfort, but I personally don't care at all about traditional wording or inner envelopes or handwritten addresses or any of that jazz. Your mileage may vary.

This is 100% the family in question. Plus they live in a fairly rural area where mail delivery is a bit inconsistent so it would be super bizarre for them to get their invites on separate days!

(I also admittedly DGAF about formal etiquette, except in cases of guest comfort of course)

MairePoppy · December 2016

This isn't proper etiquette, but I'm a reckless rule breaker sometimes. I would address the outer envelope to the aunt and uncle. On the inner envelope, I would write aunt, uncle and cousins' names. Enclose a hand written note stating the cousins may bring dates.

Image: http://i.giphy.com/ct1N2eIaI5rGg.gif

ahoywedding · December 2016

MairePoppy said:

This isn't proper etiquette, but I'm a reckless rule breaker sometimes. I would address the outer envelope to the aunt and uncle. On the inner envelope, I would write aunt, uncle and cousins' names. Enclose a hand written note stating the cousins may bring dates.

I love this idea but, alas, I am not doing inner envelopes. Maybe I'll just put 8 seats reserved and write a note that each cousin can bring a date or guest if they choose. That seems to be the least WTF way to do things. They would certainly think I lost my mind if I sent 4 cards to the same house, and writing "and guest" 3 times on the envelope seems even more stupid.

SP29 · December 2016

Again, full knowing this is breaking etiquette, on the front of the envelope, could you write:

Aunt and Uncle
Cousin and Guest
Cousin and Guest
Cousin and Guest

The cousins should go on separate lines anyway, as they are separate people (Aunt and Uncle are a social unit together).

Otherwise, if you don't want to write "and Guest" three times, including a note that they may bring a date if they wish is always appropriate.

STARMOON44 · December 2016

Separate invites. The post office doesn't want to deal with four lines of names alone.

SP29 · December 2016

STARMOON44 said:

Separate invites. The post office doesn't want to deal with four lines of names alone.

Do they actually look at the name? I thought it was just the addressed they cared about. When I was a kid I would sometimes receive mail in my name only- how does the Post Office know whether I live there versus my parents?

ahoywedding · December 2016

SP29 said:

Again, full knowing this is breaking etiquette, on the front of the envelope, could you write:

Aunt and Uncle
Cousin and Guest
Cousin and Guest
Cousin and Guest

The cousins should go on separate lines anyway, as they are separate people (Aunt and Uncle are a social unit together).

Otherwise, if you don't want to write "and Guest" three times, including a note that they may bring a date if they wish is always appropriate.

Ahhhh yes. This seems much more logical than what I wrote in my initial question! I agree it's still probably not etiquette approved, but my family would side-eye the hell out of getting four separate invites.

I'm also questioning now if the post office actually looks at the name now too. I kind of assumed they read the addresses from the "bottom" up, as that information goes from more general to more specific. Judging by the amount of mail I've gotten with the wrong name on it, they don't pay TOO much attention?

SaintPaulGal · December 2016

Very much doubt they pay any attention to the name. We once got pranked by someone sending a bunch of free samples of baby-related things to Yolo Swagins at our address.

InLoveInQueens · December 2016

It really depends, I had a holiday card addressed to my [incredibly unique] First Middle name get returned to sender at one address and at my parent's address my dog would get mail.

KittyPrawn · January 2017

For my cousins, I sent them all separate invites. But, I did play around with this wording:

Mr. & Mrs. Uncle Uncle and Family and Guests

It still seemed very wordy, but it kind of got the point across... I just went with separate invites because it honestly was the least confusing. Why worry about what they will think about it if it gets the point across?

If you're worried about them receiving the invites at separate times, you could put all of their invites into a single larger envelope and simply send and address that. They would open one large envelop with individual invites inside.

Plus ones for adult cousins living with parents

Re: Plus ones for adult cousins living with parents

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