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Brace Yourselves...

MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
in Wedding Woes
The time of the newly engaged yet haven't been engaged long enough to think their vision vs. budget vs. real life guest list vs. type of ceremony through B&G is upon us!


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Re: Brace Yourselves...

  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited December 2016
    ...but, but, every since I was a CHILD, I have dreamed of my perfect wedding.  I want it!  I deserve it!  You don't understaaaaaand! B)
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I'm excited for the influx. I've been gone for 4 months, and I come back, and TK is soooooo slow. At least newbs will bring me something to do!
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Okay I'm probably a killjoy here, and I know there are a lot of special snowflake brides. But if I was newly engaged and looking for place to ask questions and avoid etiquette mistakes this thread would not make me feel very welcome. 
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  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    charlotte989875 said:
    Okay I'm probably a killjoy here, and I know there are a lot of special snowflake brides. But if I was newly engaged and looking for place to ask questions and avoid etiquette mistakes this thread would not make me feel very welcome. 
    You make a really good point. I'm sorry for my participation.
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  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    CMGragain said:
    ...but, but, every since I was a CHILD, I have dreamed of my perfect wedding.  I want it!  I deserve it!  You don't understaaaaaand! B)
    That Mom and Dad are paying for because I don't have any money to! (without actually having the discussion with the parents to find out the parent's aren't planning to help and they already booked a $150/guest all-inclusive package at the world's most perfect venue with a 200 guest minimum..  and that doesn't include the bar tab nor ceremony location nor )

    As for being "welcoming" or not - those of us marrieds and those who've been around for a while know this is a yearly event.  The problem is many forget in replying that each of the newly engaged brides is new and really don't know yet "Cash Bars = icky" or "Your ceremony out on Lake Michigan in early February without so much as a heated ice house/tent to keep your guests warm, no jackets for the WP during the ceremony (because PICTURES!), and no meal is about as rude as it gets!" and is a reminder to maintain tact and patience because "they don't know what they don't know yet!"..  
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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    MesmrEwe said:
    CMGragain said:
    ...but, but, every since I was a CHILD, I have dreamed of my perfect wedding.  I want it!  I deserve it!  You don't understaaaaaand! B)
    That Mom and Dad are paying for because I don't have any money to! (without actually having the discussion with the parents to find out the parent's aren't planning to help and they already booked a $150/guest all-inclusive package at the world's most perfect venue with a 200 guest minimum..  and that doesn't include the bar tab nor ceremony location nor )

    As for being "welcoming" or not - those of us marrieds and those who've been around for a while know this is a yearly event.  The problem is many forget in replying that each of the newly engaged brides is new and really don't know yet "Cash Bars = icky" or "Your ceremony out on Lake Michigan in early February without so much as a heated ice house/tent to keep your guests warm, no jackets for the WP during the ceremony (because PICTURES!), and no meal is about as rude as it gets!" and is a reminder to maintain tact and patience because "they don't know what they don't know yet!"..  
    This isn't something that I have a problem with and if the thread and subsequent posts were more along the lines of "they don't know what they don't know yet so maintain tact and patience" I would have totally supported it. My issue is more some of the replies were not along those lines, especially the "but but I want it, I deserve it" and a meme saying "see you in hell" doesn't come off as reminding people here to be patient and tactful it comes off as we're assuming newly engaged posters are going to be whiny and selfish. 

    I gurss some of the posts rubbed me the wrong way, that we're anticipating tons of etiquette mistakes/planning blunders and almost looking forward to shutting that down. I don't know, just doesn't seem welcoming to me. 

    @OurWildKingdom, thanks for that. Maybe I'm reading more into this than is intended but knowing there will be an influx of new people I just think we could be a bit more welcoming than this comes off. 
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2016
    Why are people using this website if they were married years ago? No shade, but isn't it a bit odd? Some of the comments suggest that married women (who have been married for years) and not brides are passing comments on weddings. All the wedding websites I have seen appear to primarily have the newly engaged and recent brides.
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Look, I had ONE daughter.  She is happily married.  I got to help plan her wedding.  I loved it.  Now what?
    I like to help other people plan their weddings, too.  I'm good at certain things, not so much at others.  I left this site for six months some years ago, and the Invitations board lost focus.  I guess invitation etiquette isn't taught in schools like it used to be.  I do enjoy helping people, but not when they come with an attitude, which I was satirizing.
    Lots of brides come here asking for advice, and they are open to ideas.  I love it when they stick around to advise others.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
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  • WinstonsGirlWinstonsGirl member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Ha.  A friend just got engaged.  My resolution is to let her plan without judging any potential bad ideas (we're not close enough for me to say something).  But she seems pretty on the ball with etiquette based on her past opinions of others weddings for far.  

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Comment
    MesmrEwe said:
    charlotte989875 said:
    Max_G said:
    Why are people using this website if they were married years ago? No shade, but isn't it a bit odd? Some of the comments suggest that married women (who have been married for years) and not brides are passing comments on weddings. All the wedding websites I have seen appear to primarily have the newly engaged and recent brides.
    Well if you're planning a wedding would you want advice from people who have never planned a wedding or advice from people who have planned and executed weddings (as well as attended or been in many others)? Many of us came here when we were planning and have enjoyed this community, the discussions, and helping others so we stick around. Also, especially on this board we discuss our lives/things other than weddings and enjoy the community. 
    As well as Bridesmaids, MOH's, Moms, Dads, GP, Steps, those who experienced wedding disasters, etc.  Perspectives.  If the only advice given is coming from those in-process of getting married, it's going to be much different than perspectives of someone who has been married 2w, 2mo, 2, 10, 30+ years, those who've been married before and are having their 2nd wedding, etc.  That's what makes this community much different from others out there and that there isn't the sunshine and unicorn farts following every post to validate bad ideas based on the tabula rasa, but also perspectives not afraid to show compassion when the situation warrants it (relationship falling apart, what are the real-world options when the BM is becoming a towering alcoholic, etc.) for the calm voice in the storm..  


    'Sunshine and unicorn farts?' TK isn't the only website that critiques ideas in a negative way, so it is unfair to say that is what other websites do. I admit others tend to be a bit more open but not every person is saying how great cash bars are on other sites. 
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  • missJeanLouisemissJeanLouise member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited December 2016
    Max_G said:
    MesmrEwe said:
    charlotte989875 said:
    Max_G said:
    Why are people using this website if they were married years ago? No shade, but isn't it a bit odd? Some of the comments suggest that married women (who have been married for years) and not brides are passing comments on weddings. All the wedding websites I have seen appear to primarily have the newly engaged and recent brides.
    Well if you're planning a wedding would you want advice from people who have never planned a wedding or advice from people who have planned and executed weddings (as well as attended or been in many others)? Many of us came here when we were planning and have enjoyed this community, the discussions, and helping others so we stick around. Also, especially on this board we discuss our lives/things other than weddings and enjoy the community. 
    As well as Bridesmaids, MOH's, Moms, Dads, GP, Steps, those who experienced wedding disasters, etc.  Perspectives.  If the only advice given is coming from those in-process of getting married, it's going to be much different than perspectives of someone who has been married 2w, 2mo, 2, 10, 30+ years, those who've been married before and are having their 2nd wedding, etc.  That's what makes this community much different from others out there and that there isn't the sunshine and unicorn farts following every post to validate bad ideas based on the tabula rasa, but also perspectives not afraid to show compassion when the situation warrants it (relationship falling apart, what are the real-world options when the BM is becoming a towering alcoholic, etc.) for the calm voice in the storm..  


    'Sunshine and unicorn farts?' TK isn't the only website that critiques ideas in a negative way, so it is unfair to say that is what other websites do. I admit others tend to be a bit more open but not every person is saying how great cash bars are on other sites. 
    No one said it was the only one, just that there are others that do. I was lurking on one when I first got engaged, before I found TK. I didn't need people to tell me my ideas were good, I already thoughts so. I needed people to show me the flip side of the coin, to point out how my choices were going to affect other people. The people on TK helped put things into perspective, invites will go in the trash but being stuck in the rain/ sun/ snow or not enough chairs will be remembered. 

    Edited for words
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Comment
    You have all raised fair points!
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2016
    Heffalump said:
    Max_G said:
    Why are people using this website if they were married years ago? No shade, but isn't it a bit odd? Some of the comments suggest that married women (who have been married for years) and not brides are passing comments on weddings. All the wedding websites I have seen appear to primarily have the newly engaged and recent brides.

    This is so fucking obnoxious. 

    Look, I agree with @charlotte989875, but this whole attitude of "you already had your wedding, so move along" is just ignorant.  I met a lot of great women here when I was planning my wedding.  They were helpful, and funny, and interesting.  We stuck around, we kept in touch.  If you actually bothered to read some of the posts, there are a lot that have to do with what everyone here is up to in their day to day lives.  Because we are interested, and we care.

    If you are not interested, or don't care, then please feel free to find another post, board, and/or site.  In the meantime, when people post comments on a public board, they will receive comments from the people reading them.  There is no statue of limitations on wedding advice, and to echo @AddieCake, people who have been through it are more reliable sources of information than those who haven't.
    Ok.
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