Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Woes
Wedding Woes
New Discussion

Parents and Bridal Party Don't Read the Wedding Info I give them!? Instead they ask me over and over

vikingship09vikingship09 member
First Comment First Anniversary
in Wedding Woes
Created timelines, vendor contact information, etc.; all information my parents and bridal party would need to be on the same page since we all live in different locations. 

But no one has read the packet, instead I get asked stupid questions like what's the pin to your knot website? WHEN IT'S ON THE INVITATION I SENT OUT!!!! My mom asked me that one...

On top of many other questions being asked that I have answered in person many times and the answers are in the packet. 

I am trying so hard not to be bitchy about it towards anyone but it's getting really frustrating. I've asked everyone to please read the packets and I have said very politely that day of I will not answer any questions because I already know if I let anyone ask me questions I will get "when are we supposed to be here, how do we get there..." when it's all on the timeline. 

I am stressed out enough planning this whole thing basically on my own. Any suggestions? I know I'm going to end up letting bridezilla out if I get asked another stupid question. I've already had a panic attack in front of my fiancé because of the stress, my fiancé had to calm me down like a child because I couldn't breath. 
Report Reply to Post
«1

Re: Parents and Bridal Party Don't Read the Wedding Info I give them!? Instead they ask me over and over

  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited February 2017
    Tell everyone who asks you questions that you already gave them answers to, "There are answers to these questions in the information I have given you. I'd really appreciate it if, when you have questions about the wedding, you'd check that material first, because you might already have the answer."

    If anyone responds defensively to that, I'd reply, "Look, I'm trying to make this as easy for everyone as possible. Being asked to answer the same questions multiple times that I've already answered when the answers haven't changed is taking up my time and energy in an unproductive way and that's making me feel stressed out. I'll be happy to answer questions that are fresh, but anything I've answered in that material is not fresh."
    Report Reply
  • vikingship09vikingship09 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited February 2017
    Yes, I just don't understand why people don't read! Is it that hard to read an invitation or other information thoroughly.

    My parents are paying for the wedding, but haven't offered to book anything. I plan all appointments and they've just tagged along. I talk with the vendors and everything. I'm booking everything from out-of state and even though my family lives in the same city as our vendors and venue they haven't offered to help with appointments or anything. 

    I guess I was under the impression that family is supposed to help. It's been a major let down. My bridesmaids have not been helpful either. Honestly, now I get while people elope.

    I always read different things about people helping and I have no idea what is "protocol" anymore. 
    Report Reply
  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    vikingship09 said:
    Yes, I just don't understand why people don't read! Is it that hard to read an invitation or other information thoroughly.

    My parents are paying for the wedding, but haven't offered to book anything. I plan all appointments and they've just tagged along. I talk with the vendors and everything. I'm booking everything from out-of state and even though my family lives in the same city as our vendors and venue they haven't offered to help with appointments or anything. 

    I guess I was under the impression that family is supposed to help. It's been a major let down. My bridesmaids have not been helpful either. Honestly, now I get while people elope.

    I always read different things about people helping and I have no idea what is "protocol" anymore. 
    If people offer to help with planning or details then you are free to take them up on their offer, but if they don't you can't expect them, or ask them, to help plan or execute your wedding. Your family, your bridesmaids are not required to help you plan your wedding. 

    I get how how hard it is to plan an out of town wedding (We lived 13 hours away from where we were married, our hometowns), and my parents did what yours did; showed up to appointments and paid for things, they had no interest in planning anything. And that's fine because they're not expected to. 

    I think trying to adjust your expectations might help. Remind yourself that no one needs to help you, and if and when they do you can be pleasantly surprised.

    But like PPs have said, some of this is just normal wedding planning; people will never read or remember everything you ask them too and while it's frustrating, the best thing to do is be patient, answer their questions, and have a drink. 
    Report Reply
  • flantasticflantastic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    vikingship09 said:
    Yes, I just don't understand why people don't read! Is it that hard to read an invitation or other information thoroughly.

    My parents are paying for the wedding, but haven't offered to book anything. I plan all appointments and they've just tagged along. I talk with the vendors and everything. I'm booking everything from out-of state and even though my family lives in the same city as our vendors and venue they haven't offered to help with appointments or anything. 

    I guess I was under the impression that family is supposed to help. It's been a major let down. My bridesmaids have not been helpful either. Honestly, now I get while people elope.

    I always read different things about people helping and I have no idea what is "protocol" anymore. 
    I am never going to be interested in doing major planning of someone else's wedding. That's a lot of work and it's not my problem. If we're having a normal friend conversation and you mention you're really overwhelmed, I might see what I can help with, but as a rule I am not going to be trying to plan anyone else's wedding just by virtue of being their sister or friend.
    Report Reply
  • ei34ei34 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Ditto PP that lowering your expectations will help with some of your stress.  You and FI are the only people responsible to plan your wedding- your WP doesn't need a packet of information, just the dress info (once a budget is agreed upon) and what time the ceremony starts.  

    I do know how you feel in a way though.  I can't tell you how many texts I received from DH's family on the day of our wedding asking what time the ceremony started, directions to the church, etc.  I was dying to text back a snarky "it's on the invitation/website", but that would've only led to a back and forth, when a "4pm" response took 3 seconds and was the end of the convo.  It was frustrating though.
    Report Reply
  • Ro041Ro041 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited February 2017
    vikingship09 said:
    Yes, I just don't understand why people don't read! Is it that hard to read an invitation or other information thoroughly.

    My parents are paying for the wedding, but haven't offered to book anything. I plan all appointments and they've just tagged along. I talk with the vendors and everything. I'm booking everything from out-of state and even though my family lives in the same city as our vendors and venue they haven't offered to help with appointments or anything. 

    I guess I was under the impression that family is supposed to help. It's been a major let down. My bridesmaids have not been helpful either. Honestly, now I get while people elope.

    I always read different things about people helping and I have no idea what is "protocol" anymore. 
    To the first bolded - take a moment to remind yourself of your privilege.  Many of us (myself included) do not have a family who is footing the bill for our wedding and coming along to appointments.  Instead, my FI and I are paying for everything ourselves and booking all appointments ourselves without any parent support.  I would never complain about any of those things because I am privileged enough to have money to spend on a reception when so many others can't afford to.  I would encourage you to take a step back and remember your privilege as well.

    To the second bolded, your family is helping.  (See above where I discuss who is paying for your wedding vs who is paying for my wedding).

    To the third bolded, your bridesmaids are not required to help you plan.  Your FI should be helping you, especially if you are getting overwhelmed.  If one of your friends offers to help - that's great!  If not, it's not their responsibility, so don't take it personally.  

    To your original post, I understand why you are frustrated that people aren't reading your packet.  Maybe pair it down a bit so that people can find the info quickly.  

    Edited: words

    Report Reply
  • *Barbie**Barbie* member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    did your packet have a table of contents? i mean that may have been helpful too - if 90% of the information isn't applicable to me, i don't want to have to sort through to find the little bit that is. if i'm your MOH, do I really care that the groomsmen are allowed to wear patterned socks only if they have a superhero theme? or that a block of rooms has been reserved at a hotel when i live in that town? 

    also, that was meant to be sarcastic - i really don't want anything beyond  place, time, and any clothing considerations (if we're going to be outside or will be expected to ice skate or climb a mountain or something.)
    Report Reply
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    What exactly is in this packet and how big is it?  I probably would skim it but not read it, TBH. Hell I only skim the event packets I get, even when I'm captaining the damn thing. 

    Take a break for a day or two. Chill out and don't do anything wedding related. Once you're reset, make a list of things to do and delegate to your Fi so you're not overwhelmed. 

    At the the end of the day, if you're legally married the day was a success. Everything else is tapestry; nice to look at but totally unnecessary. 
    image
    Report Reply
  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited February 2017
    My sister was an uber-planner with a binder, a calendar website...the works and she didn't even do a 'packet' for her wedding.  I think it was just a bullet pointed e-mail and then updates to the calendar.  Honestly, if it's that big of a deal...do a recurring e-mail to remind people once a week/twice a month or if someone texts you, have the schedule ready to cut and paste right then and there.  

    Set it and forget it, man.   This nitpicky shit is why people don't talk after weddings.  

    And yeah, I also have to tell my husband things over and over...and over.  And he has to do the same with me sometimes.  We've talked about a family calendar (especially now that our teenage son has a job), but it's not exactly our bag...and it is what it is.  There are so many bigger hills to die on.  
    Report Reply
  • MobKazMobKaz member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Ro041 said:
    vikingship09 said:
    Yes, I just don't understand why people don't read! Is it that hard to read an invitation or other information thoroughly.

    My parents are paying for the wedding, but haven't offered to book anything. I plan all appointments and they've just tagged along. I talk with the vendors and everything. I'm booking everything from out-of state and even though my family lives in the same city as our vendors and venue they haven't offered to help with appointments or anything. 

    I guess I was under the impression that family is supposed to help. It's been a major let down. My bridesmaids have not been helpful either. Honestly, now I get while people elope.

    I always read different things about people helping and I have no idea what is "protocol" anymore. 
    To the first bolded - take a moment to remind yourself of your privilege.  Many of us (myself included) do not have a family who is footing the bill for our wedding and coming along to appointments.  Instead, my FI and I are paying for everything ourselves and booking all appointments ourselves without any parent support.  I would never complain about any of those things because I am privileged enough to have money to spend on a reception when so many others can't afford to.  I would encourage you to take a step back and remember your privilege as well.

    I will add to this.  Perhaps you are additionally fortunate that your parents gifted you this money and are staying out of it to emphasize that no strings are attached to it.  There are some brides that appear to be gifted wedding money, but the attached strings make the "gift" almost unbearable.

    To the second bolded, your family is helping.  (See above where I discuss who is paying for your wedding vs who is paying for my wedding).

    No one is "supposed" to help.  Your wedding.  Your work.

    To the third bolded, your bridesmaids are not required to help you plan.  Your FI should be helping you, especially if you are getting overwhelmed.  If one of your friends offers to help - that's great!  If not, it's not their responsibility, so don't take it personally.  

    To your original post, I understand why you are frustrated that people aren't reading your packet.  Maybe pair it down a bit so that people can find the info quickly.  

    Edited: words
    Packet?  Holy hell no.
    Report Reply
  • SP29SP29 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Why is there a packet? What's in it?

    Your parents and WP have the invitation. Beyond that, all they might need is a simple day of timeline- where and when to be places. That shouldn't be more than a page of information, if that. If you have given them a huge packet of information, maybe they are missing the important pieces because there is too much to wade through.

    No one is responsible for planning your wedding besides you and your FI. If your family and friends offer to help- great! But it's not their responsibility.

    I think it is nice that your parents are letting you take the reins and are willing to foot the bill without much input. SO MANY brides on here come lamenting that their families are taking over, making passive-aggressive comments about their plans, or not coming through with promised money. Take it as a blessing!

    DH and I also planned from out of town. We were in town twice leading up to the wedding. All the pre-planning (i.e. narrowing down venues/vendors) was done at home over the phone and internet. In the first visit, I visited 3 venues and chose one, placing the deposit and signing the contract. In the second visit, we had appointments with 2 DJs, 2 photogs, 2 bakers, and 3 florists- then chose one of each, again placing deposits and signing the contracts. I made all the appointments, my mom and MOH (and DH of course) came to most with me, because they wanted to, but I did the planning. Payments were done over the phone via credit card, mailing cheques or completing bank transfers. When it came time for the wedding day, I sent out any pertinent information via e-mail and printed out a copy of the "day of" timeline. But it was all pretty straight forward.

    As for people asking the same questions, you can either answer simply, "4pm" or refer them to the invitation/website/packet. As for your plans, you can let your parents and friends know what you have planned (i.e. florist appointment Sat at 2pm), and if they show interest, great! If not, oh well- FI is going with you anyway.
    Report Reply
  • 6fsn6fsn member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    I barley read the notes home from school all the way. No way I'd read a bleeping packet for a wedding. 
    Report Reply
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited February 2017
    If this is making you anxious, just wait until you have children.  "Are we there yet?" "When are we going to eat?"   :D

    Just how complicated is this wedding?  I have never heard of a timeline being included in a wedding invitation, only a ceremony start time with a reception to follow.  "Packet?"  What? :o
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    Report Reply
  • levioosalevioosa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    This whole post screams bridezilla. Her parents are paying for the wedding and that's still not enough for her. She wants all of the help! She made packets! Entire packets! Obviously her friends and family should be coordinating with the vendors, that couldn't possibly be her job. 


    image
    Report Reply
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited February 2017
    vikingship09 said:
    Created timelines, vendor contact information, etc.; all information my parents and bridal party would need to be on the same page since we all live in different locations. 
    What?  Why would they need this information?  Aren't YOU co-ordinating?

    But no one has read the packet, instead I get asked stupid questions like what's the pin to your knot website? WHEN IT'S ON THE INVITATION I SENT OUT!!!! My mom asked me that one...
    Why would anybody need a pin number to access your information?

    On top of many other questions being asked that I have answered in person many times and the answers are in the packet. 
    Packet??  Why was this necessary?

    I am trying so hard not to be bitchy about it towards anyone but it's getting really frustrating. I've asked everyone to please read the packets and I have said very politely that day of I will not answer any questions because I already know if I let anyone ask me questions I will get "when are we supposed to be here, how do we get there..." when it's all on the timeline.
    How rude.  You will be lucky if anyone wants to attend your wedding if you act like this.

    I am stressed out enough planning this whole thing basically on my own. Why?  You are supposed to plan your own wedding unless you pay a professional to do it for you. 

    Any suggestions? I know I'm going to end up letting bridezilla out if I get asked another stupid question. I've already had a panic attack in front of my fiancé because of the stress, my fiancé had to calm me down like a child because I couldn't breath.
    Grow up.

    vikingship09 said:
    Yes, I just don't understand why people don't read! Is it that hard to read an invitation or other information thoroughly.
    That depends on how you worded your invitation.  I know that you didn't consult us, or you wouldn't be sending out a "packet" for your guests to read.

    My parents are paying for the wedding, but haven't offered to book anything. I plan all appointments and they've just tagged along. I talk with the vendors and everything. I'm booking everything from out-of state and even though my family lives in the same city as our vendors and venue they haven't offered to help with appointments or anything. 
    They are paying, aren't they?  Gratitude?

    I guess I was under the impression that family is supposed to help. It's been a major let down.
    Your parents are PAYING, aren't they?  Most brides aren't so fortunate!
    My bridesmaids have not been helpful either. Honestly, now I get while people elope.
    Why should they help?  It is YOUR wedding, not theirs.

    I always read different things about people helping and I have no idea what is "protocol" anymore.

    Protocol:  the couple who is being married plans their own wedding, and usually pays for it, too.  Since your parents have generously offered to pay for yours, you should plan your wedding according to your budget, thank them, and apologize for acting like a spoiled child.
    Your bridal party is supposed to show up on time for the ceremony wearing proper attire, stand up with you while you say your vows, and to smile and pose for your photos.  That is ALL.  They are not required to help you plan your wedding.  They are not required to throw any parties for you, either.  I doubt if you would be grateful if they did.
    Knowing how so many lovely brides can plan beautiful weddings, stick to their budgets, deal with trying inlaws, and manage to be graceful hostesses, this Speshul Snowflake really pisses me off. :(
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    Report Reply
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited February 2017
    Oops.  Double post.  This one was so complicated.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    Report Reply
  • TrixieJessTrixieJess member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    *Barbie* said:
    did your packet have a table of contents? i mean that may have been helpful too - if 90% of the information isn't applicable to me, i don't want to have to sort through to find the little bit that is. if i'm your MOH, do I really care that the groomsmen are allowed to wear patterned socks only if they have a superhero theme? or that a block of rooms has been reserved at a hotel when i live in that town? 

    also, that was meant to be sarcastic - i really don't want anything beyond  place, time, and any clothing considerations (if we're going to be outside or will be expected to ice skate or climb a mountain or something.)
    ^^ this. 

    If you overwhelm me with information, it gets thrown to the side and I don't look at it. I also prefer to get information just before something because things change. Give me simple instructions, a text is good. Show up here at this time works for me. 

    I'm a complete type A personality but because the majority of people that I deal with in every day life are not, I would not subject them to this. Just because you like lists and super organized packets, doesn't mean that everyone around you does.
    Report Reply
  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    levioosa said:
    This whole post screams bridezilla. Her parents are paying for the wedding and that's still not enough for her. She wants all of the help! She made packets! Entire packets! Obviously her friends and family should be coordinating with the vendors, that couldn't possibly be her job. 
    Totally.  

    Also OP, people in your life can be just as meticulous and organized as you are, but go about it in a totally different way.  I personally, read one step of directions and then do what that step tells me to do before I read the next step.  Other people read directions all at once and then use them as a reference after that. 

    Another example, I cannot STAND the way DH or my son load the dishwasher, because it's not how I do it and *I feel* it's less efficient than the way I do it.  However, I just walk away because they're *doing it* and it's one less thing *I* have to do. 

    Therefore if people *are* willing to help you in regard to your wedding, but are asking questions, don't shoo them off with "IT'S IN THE PACKET!" as a response, because they will basically be all, "Eff this.  It's not MY wedding.  I don't need this shit." Which in the end will make more work for you.  As I suggested above, if it's really that much stress on you to field questions...prepackage the answers to basic questions and cut and paste as needed. 
    Report Reply
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Listen, you need the chill the eff out. You sound like you're going to give yourself a stroke. 

    My H and I paid entirely for our wedding and we planned it ourselves. We did not have help from family members or friends. You need to adjust your expectations. 

    Why are you handing these poor people a packet of information? How much info could they possibly need? You're probably overwhelming them. 

    As the bride (or groom), you're going to get asked questions. That's just how it is. My cousin asked me what she should wear 35 times. She also asked if she could bring her dog to my wedding. I had someone ask me what I thought the traffic would be like the day of the wedding. I had someone ask me exactly how much food would be served. The day of the wedding, my MIL's cousin barged into my bridal suite and asked me 89 questions while I was getting my hair and makeup done. Not only did she ask me how long of a walk it was to the ceremony site, she even asked my hairdresser to do her hair. So, really. Get over it. BREATHE. Have a glass of wine, take a yoga class, do whatever you need to do to de-stress. Having a panic attack over people asking questions about ONE DAY is over the top. 
    Report Reply
  • lnixon8lnixon8 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Your Mom (that is paying for your wedding) was probably out of the house and wanted to show off your wedding website to a friend or a coworker and didn't have the packet or your invitation on her... and she just "tagged along" to meet vendors instead of forcing choices on you and your FI... I do not feel bad for you OP.


    Report Reply
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards