Wedding Etiquette Forum

Step Mom

I am currently working with the florist on deciding on flowers.  While deciding on the flowers, the florist asked if I wanted to give my step mom a corsage.  I told her I would have to ask my mom how she felt because the in some animosity there.  Long story short my dad had an affair with her and left us pretty much for her. Our relationship is on the mend.  I asked my mom and she got pretty upset about the idea repeatly stating SHE IS NOT YOUR MOM.  I do not know what to do.  I do not want to hurt my mom but if I am trying to rebuild a relationship with my dad and build one with my step mom I do not think I should completly leave here out.  Any suggestions on handling this?
 
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Re: Step Mom

  • I feel badly for your mom in this situation, and it's too bad she couldn't just let it slide for one day. But I understand it's a really touchy subject for her.

    Any way you could try to give her something else or smaller or something? Could you talk to her and explain that you just want to do this out of respect for your mom? Can you list her in your program as your Step-mother?
  • Give your mom a regular corsage and give your step-mom a wrist corsage.  Or whatever.
    Married 10/2/10
  • Get Step-mom a corsage - she is your father's spouse. 
  • I am not getting a corsage for my father's wife. II know that "tehcnically" she is my stepmother, but IMO, a stepmother is someone that you can an actual relationship with, and I do not have one with her.  I don't hate her, I just don't like her.  My mother passed away 22 years ago, and my Dad remarried 10 years ago.  I didnt have an issue with his getting married, the only issue I have is with her. 

    I think you need to ask yourself a few questions.... What is your relationship with her? Is getting her a corsage going to build a bridge between the two of you?  Where do you see the relationship between her and you (and your Dad) going? If you think this one act will make the difference, then it might be worth it just to get her a simple corsage, or just a single rose.  The really sensitive part of this is how your mom feels about this.  Now that you asked her opinion, I think it would be very hurtful to her, if you did not take her feelings into consideration.

    I have tried to not over think the importance of flowers.  Only I am my BM will have bouquets.  My FI does not want a boutonniere  so no other men will have one either.


  • Your mom is the innocent party, so if you are in a situation where someone's feeling have to get a little (it is just a few flowers) hurt, then it should be your father's husband.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_step-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:56a9847f-c2f7-46a0-bfed-5b198cfe05b9Post:91773caf-1545-4a1b-824e-54356a220fcd">Re: Step Mom</a>:
    [QUOTE]Your mom is the innocent party, so if you are in a situation where someone's feeling have to get a little (it is just a few flowers) hurt, then it should be your father's <strong>husband.</strong>
    Posted by NatandIsaac[/QUOTE]

    *wife? ;)
  • indeed--unless the situation is really complicated
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  • I agree that this has to do with your step-mom being your father's spouse. Get her a smaller or different corsage.
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    Infertile, living childfree, advocating like a BOSS
  • Call me a bitch, but umm.... SCREW HER! I'm sorry, I don't know the woman. However, she got wrapped up with a MARRIED man, helped him to break up a family, and is coming to his daughter's wedding. She does not need a corsage. She didn't raise you and has no stake to claim in you. Your mother does and your father does. Greet your step-mom. Be cordial. Go out for coffee to build a bridge, but don't ignore your mom's feelings just for the sake of your father and his new wife. If she wants to be recognized as his spouse, she can sit next to the man.

    Sorry. I have no patience for things like this.

    End Rant.
    It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_step-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:56a9847f-c2f7-46a0-bfed-5b198cfe05b9Post:a012b662-f470-4524-b82b-e31ee9496316">Re: Step Mom</a>:
    [QUOTE]Call me a bitch, but umm.... SCREW HER! I'm sorry, I don't know the woman. However, she got wrapped up with a MARRIED man, helped him to break up a family, and is coming to his daughter's wedding. She does not need a corsage. She didn't raise you and has no stake to claim in you. Your mother does and your father does. Greet your step-mom. Be cordial. Go out for coffee to build a bridge, but don't ignore your mom's feelings just for the sake of your father and his new wife. If she wants to be recognized as his spouse, she can sit next to the man. Sorry. I have no patience for things like this. End Rant.
    Posted by Cpolli326[/QUOTE]

    So the father who was equally involved gets a boutonniere but his partner in the affair does not get a small corsage? 

    Ahh yes.  Let's blame only the woman in the affair.  She just fell on the married man's penis and he had no say in the matter at all.
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