Because this caught my eye

mrsconn23 · April 2017

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my husband for 12 years, married for three. I had an affair a little over a year ago that he found out about. He has let me back into the house, but he demeans my character at every opportunity. I don’t fight back because I know I am the cause of his pain.

We have a 3-year-old daughter, and I am now six weeks pregnant with his child. I do not want to argue with him, because if I had been a better wife, he would not be so angry. But the hurt I feel from his words over the past months is weighing heavy on me, especially with my new hormones.

I’m holding it in, but should I leave? Become a single mother? How can I get him to a counselor? — NEEDS COUNSELING

short+sassy · April 2017

Cheating is a terrible thing to do to one's SO. But so is emotional abuse. They are both a "major sin" for a relationship.

She feels guilt for cheating, so now she feels she "deserves" this treatment. Obviously she doesn't, but she needs to come to that conclusion herself.

Her H's behavior is unhealthy for both of them. He has neither forgiven nor forgotten her transgression. He's still angry...and I'm not saying he doesn't have a right to be...but his anger is not only destroying their relationship, it is also destroying him.

She needs to speak up for herself...in a calm moment...and point out to her H that, his demeaning her, is doing nothing but eroding their marriage further. That she wants to fight for the marriage, but she needs him to want to fight for it also.

Maybe he truly can't forgive her. If so, they just need to end it. I know that is much easier said than done, especially with a small child and another one on the way. But if he can't at least cope with his anger and feelings of betrayal, the situation will never get better anyway.

Tell him their marriage depends on counseling. And if he won't go to counseling, at least she should go.

Ro041 · April 2017

Have you asked him about counseling? Because that is the obvious first step in figuring out whether this marriage is going to work. Also, "I do not want to argue with him, because if I had been a better wife, he would not be so angry" is a really terrible way to live a life. He either needs to forgive her and move forward, or realize he can't and end the relationship. Punishing her for the rest of her life is not healthy - for them or the children.

MissKittyDanger · April 2017

All I can think is that LW's husband does NOT forgive her .... might be easier on her health {mental and physical} if she's a single mother tbh $:\$

I worry about the kids seeing that also.

short+sassy · April 2017

MissKittyDanger said:

All I can think is that LW's husband does NOT forgive her .... might be easier on her health {mental and physical} if she's a single mother tbh $:\$

I worry about the kids seeing that also.

I thought of that also. Even if the H doesn't demean her in front of their child (hopefully not), that "vibe" will be in the household. If her H doesn't think much of her, her children could grow up with that same attitude. Really sad.

bleve0821 · April 2017

Yeah, this is in no way healthy for the kids to witness. The poor daughter is either learning how to be a bully, or how to be bullied, and neither is a lesson that should be taught.

Also, I can't wrap my head around the "He has let me back into the house." Did he kick her out? Did he change the locks?? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN??? How long ago was she "let back into" her own home?!?!?! A husband won't permit his wife and the mother of their child into their shared home for X amount of time. What about the little girl? Did she stay or go with LW? And if she stayed, was LW "allowed" to see her? And even if the house is in the H's name only, it doesn't make this any less slimy to me.

Maybe it's the word choice, but this just is a HUGE red flag for me.

CMGragain · April 2017

mrsconn23 said:

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my husband for 12 years, married for three. I had an affair a little over a year ago that he found out about. He has let me back into the house, but he demeans my character at every opportunity. I don’t fight back because I know I am the cause of his pain.
We have a 3-year-old daughter, and I am now six weeks pregnant with his child. I do not want to argue with him, because if I had been a better wife, he would not be so angry. But the hurt I feel from his words over the past months is weighing heavy on me, especially with my new hormones.
I’m holding it in, but should I leave? Become a single mother? How can I get him to a counselor? — NEEDS COUNSELING

I think this marriage is over. She needs a lawyer - AND a counselor.

MesmrEwe · April 2017

Marriage was over for the reason which I'm suspecting was the reason for her going off and cheating in the first place. Yes, she messed up bigtime and needs to own it, that doesn't mean she's to assume the position as doormat... If he suggests counseling that's one thing, but he's got every right to feel the way he does, he doesn't have the right to inflict retaliatory emotional abuse. My money is on he was this way before she cheated, getting caught just brought things to a conscious level. LW needs to GTFO and move on with your lives...

Because this caught my eye

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