Dear Prudence,
I’m in the process of becoming a living kidney donor for a stranger on the organ donation waiting list. Everyone in my life has been very supportive except my sister. She first asked if I’d joined a cult, then told me that I was taking a massive risk (I’m not), and said she “would be more shocked if you said you were moving to Africa for a mission.” I told her that she was being absurd, and that if she didn’t want to talk about it I would keep her out of it. She claims to be supportive, but sent an incredibly condescending email saying that she understands why I “especially” would be interested in doing this, that she doesn’t “espouse the moral philosophy” that this is a good thing, and said there were “other things you could do that would have more impact.”
I expected most people to be neutral or supportive—her vehemence has taken me by surprise and somewhat deflated my enthusiasm, although I’m still going ahead with it. The problem is that I’ll be seeing her in a few weeks for her birthday, along with my parents. I’m concerned that I’ll have a strong reaction to anything she says to me on this topic, and she’ll act like I’m being ridiculous since she’s now claiming (disingenuously, it seems to me) to be supportive of my decision. Should I talk to her about this ahead of time? Send her an email with my position? Just clam up when we see each other? We have a great relationship otherwise, and this is really making me dread seeing her.
—Sister’s Kidney Troubles