Dear Prudence,
I’m a 27-year-old man in a friendship-turned-romance with a 26-year-old woman. We met as (platonic) housemates, then reconnected years later and started a (non-exclusive) long-distance relationship. About five months ago we moved in together as a couple. We’re first and foremost best friends and companions. I’ve always thoroughly enjoyed spending time with her, we deeply respect and care for one another, and I can see myself spending the rest of my life with her.
We’re both sexually experienced with well-developed tastes, and our most glaring issue is that I am kinky and she is vanilla. I’ve always enjoyed exploring kink, and my past relationships have all involved healthy doses of fetish and fantasy. My girlfriend is much more traditional and likes her sex life to be private, monogamous, and primarily in the missionary position. We’ve both spoken pretty candidly about this but can’t seem to make much headway. She says she feels pressured to “meet my expectations” as well as feeling “sexually inadequate” compared with my previous kinky partners; meanwhile I feel neglected, unfulfilled, and restricted in our bedroom. She says she’s willing to explore things outside her comfort zone but it seems like nearly every time I bring up an idea it is met with resistance or plain disgust. I’m not picky, I just like to spice things up! Meanwhile, if it were up to her we would continue through the same motions, ad infinitum. It’s gotten to the point where I am discouraged and reluctant to make suggestions at risk of reigniting conflict and hurting her feelings. I’m losing inspiration in my sex life but I’m not ready to “swipe left” on someone who I care about so deeply. Help!