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MOH Dropped Out, expected to be paid back for shower

Laurashley08Laurashley08 member
First Comment First Anniversary
in Wedding Party
I am a bridesmaid in my friend's wedding.  We are 5 months out from the wedding, and 1 month out from the Bride's shower.  Her MOH has dropped out and is expecting the remaining bridesmaids to pay her back for what she had previously spent on the shower.  Should we pay her back?  What's the best way to deal with this?  
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Re: MOH Dropped Out, expected to be paid back for shower

  • LondonLisaLondonLisa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its

    Laurashley08 said:

    I am a bridesmaid in my friend's wedding.  We are 5 months out from the wedding, and 1 month out from the Bride's shower.  Her MOH has dropped out and is expecting the remaining bridesmaids to pay her back for what she had previously spent on the shower.  Should we pay her back?  What's the best way to deal with this?  


    ----stuck in a box----/


    I need some more information:
    - did the MoH back out in good terms?
    - is she still hosting the shower?
    - did you all agree to split the costs before hand? 

    I'm confused by the phrasing. Do you mean she still expects to split it, or is asking other BMs to essentially reimburse her since she isn't MoH anymore? 

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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I agree, I need more. Did you all offer to contribute to the shower and give a budget? If she's asking more than that I would decline and only pay what I had offered, unless you're feeling particularly generous.  I'm assuming you're all still going ahead with the shower in this case. If you didn't offer and she just assumed you'd pay I also would decline to reimburse her. 
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  • ahoyweddingahoywedding member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    Did you guys agree on a contribution from everyone before planning? Is it an amount you can stand to part with (or split between the rest of whoever was planning)? Depending on why she had to drop out, if I was friends with her before, and wanted to maintain that relationship I probably would just cover it.

    Has the shower already happened? If not, would you be able to plan another one? If your friend (bride) was counting on a shower, I would probably suck it up and cover the MOH's share, and look at it like a service to the bride instead of the MOH.
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  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I think a lot depends on the amount and what you can reasonably afford.  If you can't afford that much extra, stand your ground and say so!   If the MOH is still hosting, then no one else is on the line.  If the MOH is no longer hosting and the other BM have agreed to step up and host, then changes need to be made to the budgeting process.  I'm presuming that the change was made on not so good terms if the MOH is requesting to be "paid back" by the others, in which case, IMO, of anyone, the bride should be on the hook, not the BM's, or the MOH should see if she can get out of any contracts and be reimbursed by those contracts if possible...
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  • Laurashley08Laurashley08 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    Thanks for all the responses!  To clarify, the MOH is the bride's sister-in-law, she did not leave the bridal party on good terms and is no longer attending the shower.  

    Our agreement was that she paid the deposit required for the venue and the rest of the bridesmaids would split the remainder (and we are also financing the rest of the shower needs: decorations, dessert, games, prizes, favors, etc).  We are still having the shower (which hasn't happened yet) as planned and scheduled.  
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  • auriannaaurianna member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited May 2017


    Laurashley08 said:


    Thanks for all the responses!  To clarify, the MOH is the bride's sister-in-law, she did not leave the bridal party on good terms and is no longer attending the shower.  

    Our agreement was that she paid the deposit required for the venue and the rest of the bridesmaids would split the remainder (and we are also financing the rest of the shower needs: decorations, dessert, games, prizes, favors, etc).  We are still having the shower (which hasn't happened yet) as planned and scheduled.  





    Is she vindictive enough to say the contract/deposit is in her name so if she doesn't get paid back, she's having her own event there?

    Without knowing more about this I think this is tricky.

    I think in a lot of situations it would be "we all contribute $x to the shower" and then when she left she'd take her contribution with her and the rest of the bridesmaids could decide if they wanted to contribute more or cut back the plans. But since she had to pay the deposit first it kind of screwed her.

    If you think she would be vindictive enough to keep the event space for herself (and you can't secure another one), or if you guys liked her / think the situation wasn't her fault, I'd consider paying her back and perhaps cutting the budget on some of the other things (decorations, prizes, favors, etc).
    But choosing to pay her back is a really personal decision so you'd run the risk of alienating other bridesmaids who don't want to do it. So it's not ideal.

    If she's a bitch and/or the deposit was just too much for you guys to cover... oh well. The risk of a deposit is that it can be lost if you back out and that's a lesson she'll learn.


    But it is really unfortunate that the falling out is with her sister-in-law (her brother's wife or her FI's sister?). They're essentially family and something happened that made MOH quit / bride kick her out? Ruh roh.



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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited May 2017
    The ex MOH is wrong, but....how much is the deposit? You should contact the other bms and ask how they'd like to proceed. If it's affordable to split it, you should do so. Just make sure the venue will transfer the contract to you. This will save you the trouble of finding another location for the party and end your contact with the very rude MOH.

    If it's not affordable, tell the MOH you will not be having the shower at that venue and she should request her refund from banquet manager, not you. You could move the shower to one of the BMs homes. If that's not feasible, as the MOB, or other family member, if you can host at her home.
                       
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