Question for Complicated Family Situation

VarunaTT · June 2017

So, when I say "mom and dad", I actually am referencing my bio maternal grandmother and grandfather, who raised me.

Mom has bio daughter she gave up for adoption; daughter found the family around 30+ years ago. Daughter is my very favorite Aunt P. Aunt P's family does not know Aunt P tracked us down.

Aunt P's mother has unexpectedly and traumatically, passed away this week. We are at a bit of a loss of what to do. We've sent a card, but we wanted to send something else. Aunt P is a master gardener, so there's no plant we could really send that would be memorable. Can't send wine due to alcohol laws. Aunt P's mother was really an amazing woman and highly involved in clubs and her church, so I'm sure Aunt P and her partner are drowning in food. Plus, we want it to be something significant.

Any other ideas? My mom and I are so sad for her, but this is something we absolutely do not want to seem like we're inserting ourselves into or infringing upon. Aunt P only has her father now, who is in a support home for those suffering from Alzheimers.

MissKittyDanger · June 2017

Do you know if she donated to charity?
When my dad passed, people wanted to give us stuff and we opted for humane society charity {since he was a big animal lover}

Or you could see if you could find a 'thing' that would be good to send. Gift card or gift basket also good.

VarunaTT · June 2017

They did set up a charity fund for landscaping at the home her father is at. My mom is concerned about having either of our names attached to it. I'm trying to figure out if we can do that anonymously. <--that doesn't look spelled right.

I did think a GC to one of her favorite restaurants. It seems rather impersonal, but could be really useful. I'm fairly sure she's having to stay OOT right now to take care of the estate and make a decision about moving her father or not.

MissKittyDanger · June 2017

@VarunaTT either sounds lovely. Depending on budget, you could do both but that depends on your situation.
Charity you could do anonymously and the gift card you could give with a lovely card.
{btw it's spelt right. I looked

}

6fsn · June 2017

Would anyone recognize your name if it's associated? I understand the concern, but if it's just another name to outsiders the donation could be very special to aunt.

If she's out of town a gas card?

I also think food a month out could be appreciated. My neighbor lost her husband 6 wks ago. She commented this morning that she's just opening some of the cards she's recieved initially. She likes getting new card and knowing that there are people still thinking about her

VarunaTT · June 2017

My mom is an overly cautious person. We also don't want to put that thought in Aunt P's head or possibly cause her stress.

@6fsn, your comment about gas made me have a lightbulb moment. We're just going to go grab one of those generic pre-paid GCs and send it to her, with a note about a night out and gas money. It'll be useful, without seeming too intrusive. Aunt P, mom, and I are all really close, but this feels like one of those "this is not for you" moments and mom and I are trying to be very cautious about not overstepping any boundaries for Aunt P and her having to tell us that.

kimmiinthemitten · June 2017

What about a garden stone with a beautiful quote on it? That way your name may or may not be spelled out on the card, but definitely isn't on the gift and it can be placed either at Aunt P's home or in the nursing home garden.

ILoveBeachMusic · June 2017

When MIL passed away, SIL received many gift cards to restaurants from her friends and co-workers. They were a godsend for her. She used them for her and FIL to go out to dinner.

MesmrEwe · June 2017

Don't complicate it - a nice floral arrangement, but I'm going to suggest doing it a month after the passing when the "People stop calling" and it really "hits" time takes place. I also like the recommendation for a gift card high enough to cover a meal for two if you can swing it to a favorite restaurant (you have a dollar amount you're comfortable in spending, so consider this a factor).

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