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MYOB or Move

OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
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in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

I rent a room in a house belonging to a wealthy attorney. When I moved in, he told me he’d be home maybe two days a week; his fiancée lives a bit closer to the city where he works. I met his fiancée a few weeks ago. There are pictures of the two of them, with children I believe to be from a previous relationship of hers, in the living room.

Recently I forgot my phone charger at work and went to ask my landlord if I could borrow his. When I went upstairs, I saw he was with a woman other than his fiancée. My suspicions were confirmed when I was forced to listen to them having sex for the next 30 minutes. (His bedroom is just above mine.) I tried to ignore it, but recently he had another woman over and the same thing happened.

He continues to mention his fiancée, and while I don’t want to judge (and I’m aware of the concept of open relationships), something tells me she doesn’t know. This, coupled with the fact that there are children involved, has me uneasy. I have a month-to-month lease. I like my living situation, and for what I’m paying, I’d be hard-pressed to find something safe in the same area. Do I mind my own business and hope his rendezvous don’t keep me awake in the future, or say something to my landlord and risk getting the boot?

—Tentative Tenant

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Re: MYOB or Move

  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
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    If this guy is just a landlord, mind your own business. You have no moral obligation/conflict that a friend or family member might feel in the same situation. 
    Sounds like an otherwise decent arrangement, but if OP is really that uncomfortable, leave. 
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  • CharmedPamCharmedPam member
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    I feel bad for his fiancee.  I would want to know, especially before getting married and most people who have been cheated on appreciate being told.  But yeah due to her living circumstances it's a tough one.  Still, I'd find a way to let her know anonymously.    

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  • banana468banana468 member
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    If you have any desire to open your mouth and say anything, GFTO.  

    It's not her circus but there's absolutely ZERO good that will come of her telling on her landlord while living there.  He clearly does not care what the tenant thinks or else the other woman wouldn't have been in plain sight while he was there nor would he have engaged in sex potentially loud enough for her to hear.

    But it's his house and it's his right to bed other women.   For all she knows it's an open relationship.     In this situation I'd very very hesitant to say anything although I'd feel really awkward about staying there.  
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  • CharmedPamCharmedPam member
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    oh also, it COULD be an open relationship?  The fiance may already know this.....I change my stance

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  • kvrunskvruns member
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    I wouldn't say anything, it isn't her place and unless she is friends with the fiancee then I don't see her having a moral obligation to do it. Assuming they don't have an open relationship, it definitely sucks and I wouldn't like having that knowledge, especially if the fiancee was there from time to time, so I'd probably just be MIA as much as I can. 
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  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat member
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    Never bite the hand that feeds you. Well, in this case, houses you. It's absolutely none of your business. 
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  • MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
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    Mind your business and maybe look at moving .... 
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  • apollymiapollymi member
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    Definitely not your place to say anything. Keep it to yourself and move if it makes you uncomfortable. 
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    CharmedPam said:
    oh also, it COULD be an open relationship?  The fiance may already know this.....I change my stance
    If it's not open, he's an arrogant ass but it's not her place to say anything especially while living there. 

    I'm not a big fan of making statements about a relationship unless I think that someone could be setting him/herself up for possible diseases.  Even then, I would have to really know the situation to feel compelled to say something. 
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  • MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
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    banana468 said:
    CharmedPam said:
    oh also, it COULD be an open relationship?  The fiance may already know this.....I change my stance
    If it's not open, he's an arrogant ass but it's not her place to say anything especially while living there. 

    I'm not a big fan of making statements about a relationship unless I think that someone could be setting him/herself up for possible diseases.  Even then, I would have to really know the situation to feel compelled to say something. 
    Open or not, it's still none of LW's business.
    If it makes LW uncomfortable {it would myself tbh} then they should move.
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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
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    You are paying him for a service. He is providing a service to you. That is the extent (at least from what I got from the letter) of the relationship. You don't know he terms of their relationship, and even if you did, it's not your place. If it's that big of a deal, start searching Craigslist for a new place. 
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    MissKittyDanger said:
    banana468 said:
    CharmedPam said:
    oh also, it COULD be an open relationship?  The fiance may already know this.....I change my stance
    If it's not open, he's an arrogant ass but it's not her place to say anything especially while living there. 

    I'm not a big fan of making statements about a relationship unless I think that someone could be setting him/herself up for possible diseases.  Even then, I would have to really know the situation to feel compelled to say something. 
    Open or not, it's still none of LW's business.
    If it makes LW uncomfortable {it would myself tbh} then they should move.
    This is why I know my opinion is somewhat different from the general group.

    If the OP is aware that the fiancee thinks that this is an exclusive relationship and has no idea that her FI is a cheating prick, I'd move out and find a way for her to know.    Once the health of someone is involved I'd speak up but I'd want to be certain before I opened my mouth. 

    (I say this as someone who had her ex cheat on her, had people know and was really pissed that people were aware.   It took me months to know that I had a clean bill of health while alleged friends vowed not to say anything.)  
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
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    This whole thing is so bizarre.  She has a professional relationship with her landlord and no relationship with his fiancée.  She has NO BUSINESS meddling into his personal affairs that do not directly affect her.  The only thing that affects her is, perhaps, the "noise".

    Wait, was she granted a Queen of Morals job that I am not aware of?  No?  Then why is she even worrying about this.  I mean, I guess if it really bothers QoM she should move, but that just sounds so stupid considering she likes her living situation, except for his possible cheating.  Just side-eye him in private and enjoy the cheaper digs in a nice neighborhood.

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  • MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
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    banana468 said:
    MissKittyDanger said:
    banana468 said:
    CharmedPam said:
    oh also, it COULD be an open relationship?  The fiance may already know this.....I change my stance
    If it's not open, he's an arrogant ass but it's not her place to say anything especially while living there. 

    I'm not a big fan of making statements about a relationship unless I think that someone could be setting him/herself up for possible diseases.  Even then, I would have to really know the situation to feel compelled to say something. 
    Open or not, it's still none of LW's business.
    If it makes LW uncomfortable {it would myself tbh} then they should move.
    This is why I know my opinion is somewhat different from the general group.

    If the OP is aware that the fiancee thinks that this is an exclusive relationship and has no idea that her FI is a cheating prick, I'd move out and find a way for her to know.    Once the health of someone is involved I'd speak up but I'd want to be certain before I opened my mouth. 

    (I say this as someone who had her ex cheat on her, had people know and was really pissed that people were aware.   It took me months to know that I had a clean bill of health while alleged friends vowed not to say anything.)  
    100% agree that it'd be ideal to tell the woman, but how does one bring that up to someone who isn't your friend
    If it was a friend or something I was close to, I would definitely tell them. I'm just thinking as LW isn't a friend and is only a tenant 
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  • Ro041Ro041 member
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    Not to nit pick her letter, but what does the fact that he would be home 2 days a week have to do with any of this?  Unless it's to explain why she doesn't know his fiance better?  Ugh I hate when writing includes useless facts!

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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
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    Ro041 said:
    Not to nit pick her letter, but what does the fact that he would be home 2 days a week have to do with any of this?  Unless it's to explain why she doesn't know his fiance better?  Ugh I hate when writing includes useless facts!
    "...and he loves banana bread. So he was cheating on his FI one day and...."  :D
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  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat member
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    southernbelle0915 said:
    Ro041 said:
    Not to nit pick her letter, but what does the fact that he would be home 2 days a week have to do with any of this?  Unless it's to explain why she doesn't know his fiance better?  Ugh I hate when writing includes useless facts!
    "...and he loves banana bread. So he was cheating on his FI one day and...."  :D
    Don't forget he's wealthy.
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
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    DrillSergeantCat said:
    southernbelle0915 said:
    Ro041 said:
    Not to nit pick her letter, but what does the fact that he would be home 2 days a week have to do with any of this?  Unless it's to explain why she doesn't know his fiance better?  Ugh I hate when writing includes useless facts!
    "...and he loves banana bread. So he was cheating on his FI one day and...."  :D
    Don't forget he's wealthy.

    So wealthy that he feels the need to rent out a room in his personal home to a nosy tenant.
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  • kerbohlkerbohl member
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    short+sassy said:
    DrillSergeantCat said:
    southernbelle0915 said:
    Ro041 said:
    Not to nit pick her letter, but what does the fact that he would be home 2 days a week have to do with any of this?  Unless it's to explain why she doesn't know his fiance better?  Ugh I hate when writing includes useless facts!
    "...and he loves banana bread. So he was cheating on his FI one day and...."  :D
    Don't forget he's wealthy.

    So wealthy that he feels the need to rent out a room in his personal home to a nosy tenant.
    I feel like he's just using the excuse of keeping this house of the side to get rent so that he has a place to bone chicks on the side.  He's mostly living at his FI place apparently, so keeping this house would look suspicious, unless he does it as a renting opportunity.  Smart, I suppose, but if this isn't an open relationship, cunningly dick-ish.  

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  • sparklepants41sparklepants41 member
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    I feel like this is the plot line of a poorly-written trashy novel.

    Agree with PPs - the LW should mind her own business or get out.

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