Wedding Woes

4 Men

OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey
Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

Dear Prudence,

Three years ago I met a man who was wonderful, smart, kind, funny—and he loved me. He was the first person I’d been seriously involved with since I left an abusive relationship, and I pushed him away, which hurt him badly. Over the past few years I’ve seen him around occasionally, and I’d think about how much I missed him. A few months ago I saw his profile on a dating app, and we talked a little. I asked if he wanted to go for a walk. He said yes, to my amazement. We started spending time together again, and I realized, more than ever, what I had given up. He said he wanted to take things slowly, and I agreed.

Then he started bailing on me. We would make plans and he would cancel at the last minute or fail to show entirely. I told him that upset me, and he would do something to make it up. He hasn’t tried to have sex with me. After almost four months of this, he broke up with me tonight. I thought we were starting to get back on track, but we got into a fight about when we would see each other. He said I was just complaining, which set me off and I got sarcastic. And then he said he was done.

I don’t want us to be done. I love this man deeply. I know he is who I want to be with, and not just for now. I lost him once and I don’t want to waste any more time without him in my life. I don’t know what to do to fix things. I’m not sure he wants to. I don’t know what to do, or if there is anything I can do.

—Another Second Chance

Re: 4 Men

  • No, no LW.  You love the fantasy of the man you think he is.  Either your memory is rosier than the previous reality or he has changed.  But, however you slice it, this guy has done nothing but be a jerk since you all got back together.  Good riddance.  Move on.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • apollymiapollymi Toronto
    100 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    He clearly isn't ready for the type of relationship you want, and you can't make somebody want it. Focus on yourself, let him go, and move on.
  • Sounds like LW is romanticizing what could have been. Focus on the reality, which is he is treating you badly and he said he's done. 
  • He literally got back together with you for revenge. Why on earth would you want to be with him? 
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