Bonus letter: IMO, your presence really is the gift.

mrsconn23 · August 2017

Dear Jane,

I have a very good friend getting married in a few weeks and haven’t landed on what the proper etiquette is for this situation. My boyfriend and I are spending thousands to fly to Europe for her wedding. I participated in the bachelorette (across the country), and though I am looking forward to this destination wedding, I’m not sure what gift to give. I typically give cold hard cash, but it feels gauche to be giving my friend — who I am spending so much on — well, money.

She has said she doesn’t expect a gift, but that doesn’t feel right either. Compared to some of her other bridesmaids, I’d say I’m the most budget-conscious. I’ve been saving for this wedding for a year and just can’t figure out what is appropriate for a wedding I’ve already invested a lot in. What thoughtful but under $100 thing can I do? Should I just write this off as the cost of a wedding and give money? Am I being cheap?

Thanks,

Bridesmaid on a Budget

southernbelle0915 · August 2017

Something from her registry?

Otherwise, it's obvious these people like to travel so maybe Delta miles or a hotel gift certificate? Ask where they're staying on their honeymoon and pay for a couples massage at the hotel?

And no, I don't think $100 is cheap if that's what LW can afford and wants to spend. She's obviously already spent thousands to support this person.

short+sassy · August 2017

This is just me. But I could never go to a wedding without giving some kind of gift. However, I think it is perfectly fine for her to not give anything except a nice, heartfelt card. Her friend even said she didn't expect a gift.

She could buy something less than $100 off the registry. Or make a homemade sentimental gift.

For our wedding, the Best Man and his g/f (now wife) gave us a sentimental gift that didn't cost anything. They flew across the country because, even though we all live in NOLA, the wedding was back in my CA hometown. Making that trip to be with us on our wedding day was the best gift ever!

ernursej · August 2017

When people asked what we wanted, we let them know that we didn't want anything. Several people took that to heart and it made us happy! I wouldn't feel bad not bringing a gift when the couple has said not to worry. LW has spent a fortune to join them and that is a wonderful present.

lyndausvi · August 2017

I was in a wedding a few years back. It was OOT for me. During a time when my resort was under a renovation and the resort was closed for 4 months as a result. Meaning, I was out of work.

I just couldn't afford a gift at the time. 10 months later I flew back to her area. She had just bought a new house. I gave her a very generous gift card to use towards her own renovations. I was back at work and in the position to give a nice gift.

Sometimes you can't afford something at the time. You shouldn't feel ashamed about that. Stuff happens. Make up for it in other ways.

Bonus letter: IMO, your presence really is the gift.

Re: Bonus letter: IMO, your presence really is the gift.

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