Am I being unreasonable about shoes?

ahoywedding · August 2017

MyNameIsNot said:

knottief16b91b9887217a6 said:

I'm a bride who has a BM who has been resistant to every idea/thing I've suggested for my bridal party. Specifically, particular BM has had STRONG opinions about dress length, style and color. Eventually we picked out a dress that flattered all my girls (there's only 4 of them), but now she's on about the shoes! I personally don't care if they wear heels or flats, but I requested black and closed toe because it'll be mid November and the potential for snow is likely. Now, once again, she's resistant. The color isn't the issue--the closed-toe is. She want to wear strappy sandals or peek-a-boo toe heel. I know the dresses are long, and likely no one will notice, but honestly it's almost the straw that beaks the camels back--she's been so opinionated the entire time. and for pictures-sake, and practicality, I just want closed toed shoes. In your case, I recommend talking to your bride friend about the heel. Honestly, as long as the color is what she wants, it should be fine. I shared my story because I've found that it can be frustrating/difficult to voice my opinions as the bride, to be a bride and be like "I think" or "I would like". Hopefully you can talk it out and reach a compromise.

She's not a fucking child!

If you're telling the truth that you want closed toe because of the weather, and she decides to go with open toe, she'll just have cold feet. 100% not your problem. Do you call her every morning in April to remind her to take an umbrella to work in case it rains? She can dress herself for the weather or deal with the consequences. There's no need to micromanage this!

Image result for my perfect date is april 25th gif

knottief16b91b9887217a6 · August 2017

Me get a grip? Brides go to this board for advice about what they should or should not be stressed over during this time in their lives, and to vent, not judgement and yelling about how they should get a grip. Im sorry I've offended and ticked off people on this board about micromanaging and shoes. At the particular moment of posting, shoes had stressed me out. In hindsight, it shouldn't have. People don't know everything all at once about wedding planning, but we can certainly learn. All some of us need are kind words of wisdom, not a slap in the face, which is unasked and uncalled for. And it looks like these message boards are ruled by the same four or five very opinionated women. So much for support.

missJeanLouise · August 2017

knottief16b91b9887217a6 said:

Me get a grip? Brides go to this board for advice about what they should or should not be stressed over during this time in their lives, and to vent, not judgement and yelling about how they should get a grip. Im sorry I've offended and ticked off people on this board about micromanaging and shoes. At the particular moment of posting, shoes had stressed me out. In hindsight, it shouldn't have. People don't know everything all at once about wedding planning, but we can certainly learn. All some of us need are kind words of wisdom, not a slap in the face, which is unasked and uncalled for. And it looks like these message boards are ruled by the same four or five very opinionated women. So much for support.

i gaurentee you no one here is offended or ticked off. They are doing the exact thing you said people come to this board for, giving advice on what you should or should not be getting stressed over during this time. In this situation they are saying you should NOT be worrying about what shoes your bridesmaid wears.

southernbelle0915 · August 2017

knottief16b91b9887217a6 said:

Me get a grip? Brides go to this board for advice about what they should or should not be stressed over during this time in their lives, and to vent, not judgement and yelling about how they should get a grip. Im sorry I've offended and ticked off people on this board about micromanaging and shoes. At the particular moment of posting, shoes had stressed me out. In hindsight, it shouldn't have. People don't know everything all at once about wedding planning, but we can certainly learn. All some of us need are kind words of wisdom, not a slap in the face, which is unasked and uncalled for. And it looks like these message boards are ruled by the same four or five very opinionated women. So much for support.

You got advice didn't you? And you're taking it, so yay! Now you won't stress about someone else's shoes. One less thing on your plate.

Welcome to the internet, where (often) the advice is objective and solid. It's not laying your head on your mom's lap while she plays with your hair and tells you you're right about everything.

holyguacamole79 · August 2017

knottief16b91b9887217a6 said:

Me get a grip? Brides go to this board for advice about what they should or should not be stressed over during this time in their lives, and to vent, not judgement and yelling about how they should get a grip. Im sorry I've offended and ticked off people on this board about micromanaging and shoes. At the particular moment of posting, shoes had stressed me out. In hindsight, it shouldn't have. People don't know everything all at once about wedding planning, but we can certainly learn. All some of us need are kind words of wisdom, not a slap in the face, which is unasked and uncalled for. And it looks like these message boards are ruled by the same four or five very opinionated women. So much for support.

That's what we're here for - a reality check of sorts. It's super easy to see the matchy-matchy cuteness on Pinterest and aspire for your wedding to be like that. It's easy to get caught up in those details. I remember when I was picking out the tablecloths & runners for our wedding, I was really concerned about getting the right shade of purple to match the bridesmaids' dresses. The woman taking my order said, "you're going to walk into this room surrounded by your loved ones & you will have just married the love of your life 30 minutes earlier. Do you really think you'll notice if the shade doesn't quite match the dresses?" It was the perfect, straight-forward reality check I needed. I grabbed one and moved on.

knottie1027 · August 2017

This reminds me of a wedding I was in last year. It was early September, so it was warm weather and the ceremony would be taking place outside with no shade. There were seven bridesmaids, too many opinions. All of the other BMs were short and stating that they were concerned about the price for alterations, the dress wasn't cheap. I suggested shorter dresses. It would remedy the alteration situation and we wouldn't melt so much during the hour outside ceremony. Bride snapped her head at me and said "Well, then we need matching shoes!". Yikes.
I honestly think she picked us because of how we looked, in similarity to each other. she wanted the long line of cloned BM. I'm not assuming anyone here is doing that, though I don't doubt that idea can cross some brides' mind.
I agree with other PP, I doubt you are the only BM that is not thrilled with "light grey flats".

short+sassy · August 2017

knottie1027 said:

This reminds me of a wedding I was in last year. It was early September, so it was warm weather and the ceremony would be taking place outside with no shade. There were seven bridesmaids, too many opinions. All of the other BMs were short and stating that they were concerned about the price for alterations, the dress wasn't cheap. I suggested shorter dresses. It would remedy the alteration situation and we wouldn't melt so much during the hour outside ceremony. Bride snapped her head at me and said "Well, then we need matching shoes!". Yikes.
I honestly think she picked us because of how we looked, in similarity to each other. she wanted the long line of cloned BM. I'm not assuming anyone here is doing that, though I don't doubt that idea can cross some brides' mind.
I agree with other PP, I doubt you are the only BM that is not thrilled with "light grey flats".

I can understand why the Rockettes all need to be within 1-2" of each other.

But not bridesmaids, lol! Oh, goodness.

knottieae8af736662ece6d · August 22

MobKaz said:

When the bride is that demanding specific, then she needs to pay for the shoes. If the bride makes any additional demands regarding jewelry, hair, or make up, you can decline if it involves your own money.

I would not bother to inform the bride of your choice. I cannot imagine the bride will turn you away the day of the wedding if you show up in the right colored shoe with the wrong heel height. I would almost dare her to notice.

The next time this "renegade" BM asks a question, offer to help her before the bride can intercede and make another change.

If she does notice, play dumb. When I was a bridesmaid in my cousin's wedding, I actually did forget that she said to wear ivory shoes and wore silver. I apologized when I realized it (she didn't say anything) and she wasn't upset.

MobKaz · August 22

knottieae8af736662ece6d said:

MobKaz said:

When the bride is that demanding specific, then she needs to pay for the shoes. If the bride makes any additional demands regarding jewelry, hair, or make up, you can decline if it involves your own money.

I would not bother to inform the bride of your choice. I cannot imagine the bride will turn you away the day of the wedding if you show up in the right colored shoe with the wrong heel height. I would almost dare her to notice.

The next time this "renegade" BM asks a question, offer to help her before the bride can intercede and make another change.

If she does notice, play dumb. When I was a bridesmaid in my cousin's wedding, I actually did forget that she said to wear ivory shoes and wore silver. I apologized when I realized it (she didn't say anything) and she wasn't upset.

Hi! Welcome to The Knot!

When you respond to a thread, it is helpful to check two dates. The first is the date this thread began. This thread was started in August, 2017. The other date to check is the date of the last response. Again, in this case, that occurred a YEAR ago.

This is what is considered a zombie/dead thread. The original poster is long gone/has resolved the issue.

FWIW, I do agree with your suggestion.

MairePoppy · August 23

Did someone say zombie?

Am I being unreasonable about shoes?

Re: Am I being unreasonable about shoes?

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