My fiancé and I are both gay but he was married very briefly, 25 years ago, to “Pam.” They had two girls, and they stayed a part of each other’s lives after the divorce. Pam was even the biological mother for the son he had with his next partner. They’ve shared every holiday, vacation, and family event, even after the kids grew up and left the house. My fiancé lost his partner several years before we met. Pam affectionately referred to the two of them as her “gay husbands.” Now, she has started referring to me the same way. I understand that it comes from a place of affection and that she is trying to be welcoming, but I hate it. My fiancé is going to be my husband. I want us to have our own separate lives. I hesitate to bring this up because of their history. How do I do this?
—Out of the Way