Destination Weddings
knottie79582f247e649c7b
member
What to do with Family?
So we were planning on eloping and having a small private ceremony in Canada but we decided that we wanted our parents and siblings there. Have the family for the ceremony, afterwards maybe dinner and a nice sleigh ride or something. We really want the honeymoon/trip to be just about us afterwards, so I was just looking for advice for what to do with the fam afterwards.
At the moment, were thinking of having the fam stay in a hotel that's closer to the airport and would be in a different town from where we're staying at. I'm sure they would gave us space if we asked, and my sister would play buffer between us and the folks. I'm just not sure what's the etiquette in this situation, if i should have some kind of .. idk itinerary or something
any advice would be great.
At the moment, were thinking of having the fam stay in a hotel that's closer to the airport and would be in a different town from where we're staying at. I'm sure they would gave us space if we asked, and my sister would play buffer between us and the folks. I'm just not sure what's the etiquette in this situation, if i should have some kind of .. idk itinerary or something
any advice would be great.
Re: What to do with Family?
If you marry in Canada, it sounds like what you are considering is a small destination wedding. There is no "maybe" about hosting dinner afterwards. If you invite any guests, then you must offer some hospitality appropriate to the time of your ceremony.
Typically the honeymoon is just about the couple. No guest would assume they are a part of it.
If you plan a destination wedding, give the details of the date, time, and location. Invited guests will decide from there how much of their time and money they choose to devote.
If the latter, I would just be clear to your folks about your plans: "Mom and Dad, we will get married on Friday evening, take everyone out to dinner and then a sleigh ride. On Saturday, we'll host a breakfast for everyone and then officially start our honeymoon just the two of us." That way, it's clear that after breakfast on Saturday (or whatever) you two want to be left alone. This will help them decide when to fly in and out and what to do. You can provide them a list of local things to do, but you certainly don't have to. They're big boys and girls and can google just as well as the rest of us.
i should clarify, we want to elope and we've hinted to our folks that we want to do so. Both our moms really seem to want to be there, my mom was the one to suggest an intimate destination thing, and i don't think it'd be a problem for them to fly out there.
Saying "maybe" about the after dinner thing was probably bad wording, I definitely want to have a post ceremony dinner somewhere nice. I'm till brainstorming this so I don't exactly know what I want to happen afterwards, just that I want everyone to have a good time.
Also i'm ok with them getting their own hotels 100% but I can also afford to pay for their hotel rooms If I needed to. I've been budgeting for this trip for awhile. The airport is about 20-30 minutes from where the ceremony is being held. The wedding is also being held in national park, which charges an additional daily rate to stay in town.
i don't know if this is relevant, but my parents are currently going through a divorce and my dad can be really hard to deal with sometimes (argumentative, likes to drink). It's part of why we wanted to elope in the first place. My sister is my "maid of honor" and going to be helping me with the parents but my ultimate goal is that everybody has a good time during and afterwards.
and I want the ceremony to be very minimal and casual, like this: http://blog.carmichaelphoto.com/2017/05/simply-elope-in-banff-at-banff-log-cabin.html
Edit: forgot to say thanks for the advice so far
A vast large percentage of guests leave the next day anyway. With a small percentage staying a few days extra. I have yet to see a DW couple NOT hang with family/friends the day after the wedding. We also hung out with our guests the day after before leaving for our honeymoon later that evening.
Most couples "leave" on their HM 2 days after the wedding, although some, like us did leave later in the afternoon the next day. A lot of them just switched local locations. For example, they stayed at the Ritz in St Thomas, then moved to Caneel in St John. Others would go to a completely different location.
It was a clear break that the wedding festivities are over.
Only on here have I heard couples wanting to have a DW, but dictate their guests stay at a different location as their guests in order to not run into them the next day. It's a weird concept to me. All the DW I've attended or work the couple and guests enjoy being altogether. Even the next day.
Your parents divorcing may complicate things emotionally, but I hope they can be civil and let you enjoy this day.
Since this is such a small group, I would send a logistics email with dates, airport codes and hotel information, including that you're planning to pay for Friday and Saturday night (only). This can serve as your save the date but also give them ample time to book flights and know that you're planning to pick up some of the tab. It'll also be a good time to let everyone know that your honeymoon starts Sunday afternoon (or whatever) so there's no expectation that you'll be tour guiding anyone past Sunday morning.
However, if they choose to stay at the same resort after your wedding day, there is nothing you can do about it. Hopefully, this will not be an issue, but we have seen it happen with some couples at resorts.
You are only required to host your guests for your actual wedding- ceremony and following reception. While it is considerate to have options like hotel blocks, your guests lodgings and travel are up to them. At the same time, you also don't get to tell your guests where and how long they can stay. You don't have to continue to entertain your guests for the rest of their stay, but you can't ask them to leave the hotel the next day either.
If I were planning a trip to Banff, even a short one, I sure as heck would not only stay for 1 day! If I'm traveling for a wedding, I am expecting to get something out of the experience for myself- enjoying the location as a tourist/vacation.
As for the cold- where are you and your family coming from? Are they familiar with the Banff area and it's weather? Sounds like you are getting married in winter. Winter is cold and snowy there- though that area does see a lot more variation in weather due to the mountains, so some days may be warm even. If your guests are not familiar with the area, I would give them a heads up to check the weather network before they go. And if you are doing the sleigh ride with family, particularly if it's on the same day as your ceremony, I would give your guests a heads up about this before hand so they can plan their attire accordingly. I'd still wear a dress to your wedding, but I might opt to wear a sweater dress with tights as well as bring my winter boots and long coat.
Thanks for the advice though! I'll definitely let them know that they'll need to be prepared. I was kind of thinking of making some kind of little booklet or something when I send out my invites or maybe linking them my wedding blog where i've been cataloging my research.
Banff, Lake Louise, Jasper and Canmore are all doable for activities. So many options. Feel free to PM me for ideas.
After the ceremony, you and Michale MUST host something for your guests. This must be done even if your guests traveled two blocks to attend your wedding.