Wedding Woes

But it does sound like you make use of your free time...

Dear Prudence,

I started dating for the first time in years a few months ago, and I’ve met some great people I really like. But I’m not sure what to do when people ask me what I do for fun.

All my dates seem to have boundless time and energy and do so many amazing things, like queer activism, volunteering, making art, graduate school, travel, and feats of athleticism I can’t even imagine. I know not everyone does this, but my nonwork life seems small by comparison. I spend time with the people I love, I run a peer support group, I love cooking. I don’t watch much TV or movies, so I’m out of the pop culture loop. Most of my free time goes into managing my health problems, physical, neurological, and mental. I’m very functional. I’m good at my job, I take care of myself, and I’m a supportive family member and friend. So how do I talk about what I do in my free time without sounding like an alien? (I can’t even answer when someone asks what music I like!) And how can I feel more confident that I’m worth going on a date with, even though I don’t climb a mountain every morning and then do yoga at the peak?
—No Fun

Re: But it does sound like you make use of your free time...

  • Talk about the things you love to do; like spend time with your friend and family, the support group, cooking. These are all things you do for fun. You don't have to have some BIG IMPORTANT THING you do, just be who you are. 
    Plus you never know, LW could hear "Oh I love that!" to something
    <a href="https://babysizer.com/geeky"><img src="https://babysizer.com/geeky-2018-06-08.jpg" alt="Babysizer Geeky Pregnancy Tracker"></a>
    charlotte989875eileenrob
  • CharmedPamCharmedPam Chicagoburbs member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited February 8
    I'm in the same boat. I literally don't do ANYthing for fun but the occasional travel excursion here and there.  I come home and watch TV.  I have very few friends and both H and i are just lazy like that.  I always wanted to join a group or something but just never have.  I think LW has more to list than I do!

    charlotte989875short+sassyeileenrobShesSoCold
  • OMG, it's like dating in Denver. Everyone's hiking 14ers and running with their dogs and coming up with craft brews and new hybrid pot strains. 

    I'm guessing LW has something that they do that others think is amazing. I mention I'm an author and people go crazy - even though from my perspective, I suck at it, and it feels more than a little imposter-y to mention it. So, like, "I read a lot" is a great thing. 
    image
    MissKittyDanger
  • Cracking up at the last line of the letter..."even though I don't climb a mountain every morning and do yoga at the peak".  She is my kindred spirit.  It's all I can do just to get up, get dressed, and get to work at 7AM every morning.  And my brain doesn't really catch up until 8-9AM. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    charlotte989875mrsconn23MissKittyDangereileenrob
  • I don't think I can say what kind of music I like ... LW might not be alone there. DH jokes that I only like depressing songs, but that's not really something you say when people ask you about music choice.

    She sounds like she has quite the list of activities as it is!

    imageimage
    charlotte989875
  • In the age of everyone being amazing on social media, I don't think it's unusual for average to start feeling inferior. People seem to feel the need to be super interesting with really unique hobbies in order to be average. Sorrynotsorry, but I'm over it, personally. Kudos to those who truly overachieve in the hobby arena. But for me personally, I feel busy enough as it is.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
    short+sassymrsconn23charlotte989875
  • I could be the LW too.  I always hate the articles on the mom blogs “make time for you- keep doing hot yoga/having brunch with the girls/visiting all those museums/going to painting class- whatever your passion was before kids, keep at it!”.  Like what about the moms that used to love coming home to quiet and watching that episode of Friends they’ve seen 957 times??

    My advice to LW would be to confidently and happily share her passions.  Being proud of and happy with her life will come across better than feelings of inadequacy.  
    mrsconn23short+sassycharlotte989875
  • eileenrob said:
    I could be the LW too.  I always hate the articles on the mom blogs “make time for you- keep doing hot yoga/having brunch with the girls/visiting all those museums/going to painting class- whatever your passion was before kids, keep at it!”.  Like what about the moms that used to love coming home to quiet and watching that episode of Friends they’ve seen 957 times??

    My advice to LW would be to confidently and happily share her passions.  Being proud of and happy with her life will come across better than feelings of inadequacy.  

    Not that I have children, but I hear ya!  Renting a hotel room...just for mom...stay in a bathrobe all day, ordering room service and watching tv, lol.

    Or send the kiddos out with dad for a looonnnggg day of activities, outside of the house.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    mrsconn23eileenrob
  • eileenrob said:
    I could be the LW too.  I always hate the articles on the mom blogs “make time for you- keep doing hot yoga/having brunch with the girls/visiting all those museums/going to painting class- whatever your passion was before kids, keep at it!”.  Like what about the moms that used to love coming home to quiet and watching that episode of Friends they’ve seen 957 times??

    My advice to LW would be to confidently and happily share her passions.  Being proud of and happy with her life will come across better than feelings of inadequacy.  
    Not a parent, but can I join this club? I'm currently re-watching Season 5. 
    short+sassy
  • I’m dating and my “hobbies” are cooking reading and hanging out with friends. I find as long as you sound happy and enthusiastic about your life other people will be too!
    eileenrobshort+sassy
  • @short+sassy @charlotte989875  I def didn’t mean that only moms would feel that way- it’s universal! I tend to read the mom blogs but I’m sure that “live your life!” message is everywhere.  I’m sorry if I made anyone feel excluded.

    I like re-watching the earlier Friends seasons.  There’s some real gold those first few years.
    charlotte989875
  • eileenrob said:
    @short+sassy @charlotte989875  I def didn’t mean that only moms would feel that way- it’s universal! I tend to read the mom blogs but I’m sure that “live your life!” message is everywhere.  I’m sorry if I made anyone feel excluded.

    I like re-watching the earlier Friends seasons.  There’s some real gold those first few years.
    I didn't read your post at all that way :).  Just the opposite, I read it like, "Yeah! I love my unproductive, hanging around the house time also."
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    eileenrobcharlotte989875
  • eileenrob said:
    @short+sassy @charlotte989875  I def didn’t mean that only moms would feel that way- it’s universal! I tend to read the mom blogs but I’m sure that “live your life!” message is everywhere.  I’m sorry if I made anyone feel excluded.

    I like re-watching the earlier Friends seasons.  There’s some real gold those first few years.
    Definitely didn't read your post like that.

    I'm all about opting out of the competition for "doing all the things". Nope. I like sitting on my couch with my pets and watching TV. I'm cool if someone else thinks that's boring. 
    eileenrob
  • Can we just agree, we should all get a hotel room {one with spa for extra pampering for those who want it} and pig out on food and netflix?
    <a href="https://babysizer.com/geeky"><img src="https://babysizer.com/geeky-2018-06-08.jpg" alt="Babysizer Geeky Pregnancy Tracker"></a>
    short+sassyeileenrobLadyCatherineDB
  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited February 9
    You, it sounds like I do a fuck ton in my personal life.  But I have plenty of time for sitting on my ass and watching Netflix too.  You only get a slice of people when you're dating and it's always the best slice too.

    Also, it sounds like LW has plenty of stuff already.  I'd be down for a date with someone who liked cooking.
    charlotte989875MissKittyDangershort+sassy
  • VarunaTT said:
    You, it sounds like I do a fuck ton in my personal life.  But I have plenty of time for sitting on my ass and watching Netflix too.  You only get a slice of people when you're dating and it's always the best slice too.

    Also, it sounds like LW has plenty of stuff already.  I'd be down for a date with someone who liked cooking.
    I married someone who enjoys cooking but he doesn't always do it lol
    <a href="https://babysizer.com/geeky"><img src="https://babysizer.com/geeky-2018-06-08.jpg" alt="Babysizer Geeky Pregnancy Tracker"></a>
    VarunaTT
  • VarunaTT said:
    You, it sounds like I do a fuck ton in my personal life.  But I have plenty of time for sitting on my ass and watching Netflix too.  You only get a slice of people when you're dating and it's always the best slice too.

    Also, it sounds like LW has plenty of stuff already.  I'd be down for a date with someone who liked cooking.
    I married someone who enjoys cooking but he doesn't always do it lol

    SIB
    Sounds like a bait and switch ;), lol.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    VarunaTT
  • VarunaTT said:
    You, it sounds like I do a fuck ton in my personal life.  But I have plenty of time for sitting on my ass and watching Netflix too.  You only get a slice of people when you're dating and it's always the best slice too.

    Also, it sounds like LW has plenty of stuff already.  I'd be down for a date with someone who liked cooking.
    I married someone who enjoys cooking but he doesn't always do it lol

    SIB
    Sounds like a bait and switch ;), lol.
    It totally is. Lmao! I say this all the time :')
    <a href="https://babysizer.com/geeky"><img src="https://babysizer.com/geeky-2018-06-08.jpg" alt="Babysizer Geeky Pregnancy Tracker"></a>
    VarunaTT
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