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This LW needs to find a way to get a grip.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Woes
Dear Prudence,

I’m 31 years old and several months into a relationship with a wonderful man. We really enjoy each other’s company, and I feel differently about him than I’ve felt about anyone else. So why can’t I stop thinking, “Get out now before it’s too late?” Since even before we started dating, I’ve been dogged by the near-certainty that if we ever got together, he’d eventually break up with me and I would be left with the emotional wreckage. This feeling is nothing more than my own intuition—we’ve made plans assuming we’ll be together for a couple years at least, and he’s mentioned longer-term possibilities. We have a lot in common, but we’re also very different (he’s an outdoorsy, can-do extrovert while I’m a scatterbrained introvert who likes sitting down). As we’ve been together, it’s only strengthened my view that we are too different to stay together permanently. But that shouldn’t be the test of a worthwhile relationship—I’ve never felt that any relationship that ends is a failure, and I’ve never based my dating decisions on who fits into my retirement plans. Fear of vague future unhappiness is not a good reason to end a relationship that’s making both of us happy right now—is it?
—Pre-Everything Jitters
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Re: This LW needs to find a way to get a grip.

  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    This is just a little over the top. LW needs to find a way to reign it in. I get being uncertain about the future, but everything about the future is uncertain. If you go through life worried that everything is going to fall apart you miss out on some really great parts of life. 

    As long as the differences you haven't aren't actually causing problems, then what is the actual problem? The saying "opposites attract" comes from somewhere. 
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  • kerbohlkerbohl member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    Maybe having a talk with her/his boyfriend? I sometimes have irrational fears or thoughts, and I just bring them up. It can be normal to be worried about the future, and talking about it could alleviate some fears. I've had conversations with DH where I've completely talked myself out of the fear and realized it for what it was, but if I just left it to ruminate, it could have just kept spiraling.

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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its

    It sounds like the LW possibly has a fear of commitment?  It sounds like she is making up a problem that isn't even there.  Perhaps a few therapy sessions to explore this.

    If the fact that he likes to hike a mountain and do yoga at the summit* while she stays home to drink coffee and watch Sat. morning cartoons isn't a problem now, then why would it be later?  They can both be individuals doing their own interests apart, as long as that is good with both of them.  And/or she can become a little more outdoorsy while he becomes a little more indoorsy.  Just like any other compromise. 

    *Stole that from one of last week's letters ;).

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