Why do people treat Prudie like an oracle?

mrsconn23 · March 2018

Dear Prudence,
I just ended my relationship with my partner of 10 years over the subject of having children. I want them; he doesn’t. He had told me he did, but now he tells me he only said that because he desperately wanted to make me happy. The breakup was devastating. We held each other and sobbed for hours, and both of us are unsure of how to move on with our lives. I’m fairly sure he will come back to me in a few weeks and tell me he’s reconsidering. If that happens, I shouldn’t believe him, right? People don’t change their minds about this, do they?
—Listening When Someone Tells You No

charlotte989875 · March 2018

People don't typically burn down a relationship over something they could potentially change their mind about. You have fundamental differences over an issue that can't be compromised over. It's not like you can sort-of have kids; it's a binary thing. Even if he does come back and say he'll have kids to make LW happy, is that really the foundation you would want to have a children on?

Mourn the end of the relationship, focus on yourself, and recognize that you can find someone who wants the same thing.

short+sassy · March 2018

I can see the LW hasn't entered the "anger phase" of her grief yet. She should be beyond furious at this man who "supposedly" loved her, yet wasted the last 10 years of her life on a LIE.

This wasn't a case of he thought he wanted children some day and then changed his mind. That's sad and tragic for all involved, but understandable. It happens.

No, no. This is him perpetually lying to her, for a decade, about one of the most important decisions people make in their lives. He's despicable. I hope she gets over this as quickly as possible and moves on from this loser.

banana468 · March 2018

You don't change your outlook on life.

I would be pissed too. But you can't take someone back when you know that your long term life goals are polar opposites. This isn't about who likes to travel and who wants to stay home. You have agreed that you can't make it work. Cut your losses and move on. And be angry.

ahoywedding · March 2018

One of my friends was in this situation. She was with someone for over a decade, followed him to the US from her home country, and he kept telling her they'd have kids "soon." She waited years until they got their green cards and she could finally get a job here and be in a place to leave him. She's finally on her own and doing great, but she's also 38 and now knows her time to have kids is dwindling. It was heartbreaking to watch her go through all of that.

Why do people treat Prudie like an oracle?

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