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Talk to her, but check the passive-aggression.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

About six months ago, I moved in with my friend “Jenny” to save on rent. Jenny owns a two-bedroom townhouse, and I pay her rent and utilities each month. We each have a bedroom, bathroom, and separate living room; we share the dining room and kitchen. We drew up a lease agreement using an online template. Jenny is much closer with her family than I am with mine, and they often visit. Recently her mother stayed with us for two weeks after Jenny lost her job. Immediately afterward, her father visited for two weeks and helped repaint the downstairs. While I understand having your family close during a difficult time, a full month of hosting family members felt excessive to me.

Her family members have been sleeping in my living room (which is rented to me, per the lease), and I’m concerned that the electric and gas bills will be significantly higher this month. I feel that it’s unfair to expect me to pay rent for space that I couldn’t use for an entire month and to pay higher utilities bills for someone else’s guests. What’s more, Jenny has frequently stayed with her boyfriend during this period, leaving me at home alone with her parents. I’m especially uncomfortable being home alone with her father. He has done nothing untoward, but I don’t like to be alone with men I do not know. How can I address these concerns with her without damaging our friendship? Am I overreacting to this situation?

—Roommate, Not Hostess

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Re: Talk to her, but check the passive-aggression.

  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I'd bust out the calculator and figure out precisely what % of her space wasn't usable by her for the month and let the next rent check reflect that adjustment. If Jenny asks why, say that the space that was contractually hers wasn't "hers" for the month. 
    I don't think that's unreasonable or uncommon. When I was renting, because my landlady was an individual in another state, if I needed something done I provided the receipt and deducted the cost from my rent. 
    Present this jovially and be pleasantly upfront about it. Honestly, if Jenny doesn't agree, then she's taken advantage of the LW and isn't much of a friend anyway. 
    Also, maybe ask her when she plans to have extended guests again. Tell her it felt a bit weird, and if it's going to occur again LW would appreciate it if Jenny stuck around to host her guests. 
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its

    She should definitely speak to Jenny about her concerns, especially paying less in rent and utilities for the month that there was a constant guest staying at the house.  Especially in the LW's living room.  The decrease in rent is easy to figure out.  If the sq. ft. of the space is 1,000 sq ft. and the sq ft. of the living room is 200 sq. ft., then rent is reduced by 20% for that month.

    I actually did that for a tenant, without their asking, a few years ago.  The house had really old siding and moisture had gotten into the wall for one of the rooms.  The room developed a strong mildew smell and was basically unusable for a few weeks.  Of course, we fixed the problem.  But I also figured out what percentage of the rent that room was and told them to take that amount off their next month's rent payment for the inconvenience.

    There should also be rules going forward about overnight guests.  In a roommate situation, I don't think the LW should be that worried about a night here and there.  But someone staying over for more than a few days is excessive and needs to be okayed, ahead of time.  For both parties.


    thisismynickname2 said:
    I'd bust out the calculator and figure out precisely what % of her space wasn't usable by her for the month and let the next rent check reflect that adjustment. If Jenny asks why, say that the space that was contractually hers wasn't "hers" for the month. 
    I don't think that's unreasonable or uncommon. When I was renting, because my landlady was an individual in another state, if I needed something done I provided the receipt and deducted the cost from my rent. 
    Present this jovially and be pleasantly upfront about it. Honestly, if Jenny doesn't agree, then she's taken advantage of the LW and isn't much of a friend anyway. 
    Also, maybe ask her when she plans to have extended guests again. Tell her it felt a bit weird, and if it's going to occur again LW would appreciate it if Jenny stuck around to host her guests. 

    As an aside, while some landlords might work that way, most do not.  Myself included.  It is expressly prohibited in all my leases for a tenant to do any kind of work on the place or hire someone to. 

    For me, it's actually one of my biggest big no-no's.  I don't want my tenant given carte blanche to do repairs they expect me to pay for.  Nor do I want them or someone they hire, possibly effing something up. 

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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    @short+sassy Oh I know what you mean. I never did anything without approval and whatnot. I needed new blinds because the original ones broke, and I needed a new faucet at some point. That was all I can remember and all costs were approved up front. I more meant that the practice of deducting costs from rent probably wasn't uncommon, but yes there's going to be a process behind it. 
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    OliveOilsMom said:

    Why couldn't the parents stay in the landlord's living room?  Sorry Mom & Dad, but that space is rented to LW and she pays for that area.

    I'm wondering if the space is actually a 3 bedroom townhouse and the living room for LW is actually the 3rd bedroom that was given to LW to use as a living room.  So landlord may think its ok to use as the bedroom for her parents because that its original function.

    Either way, LW needs to address this now, when the guests aren't around.  LW should stick to the financials of the arrangement.  

    I was curious about this also.

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  • banana468banana468 member
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    short+sassy said:
    OliveOilsMom said:

    Why couldn't the parents stay in the landlord's living room?  Sorry Mom & Dad, but that space is rented to LW and she pays for that area.

    I'm wondering if the space is actually a 3 bedroom townhouse and the living room for LW is actually the 3rd bedroom that was given to LW to use as a living room.  So landlord may think its ok to use as the bedroom for her parents because that its original function.

    Either way, LW needs to address this now, when the guests aren't around.  LW should stick to the financials of the arrangement.  

    I was curious about this also.

    That sounds very logical since I haven't seen many townhomes that have multiple living rooms. 
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I had a 3 floor townhouse that had 2 living spaces, so I can see how this would be set up. 

    Also don't understand why the parents were in her part of the townhouse, especially if the roommate was sleeping at her boyfriends. But yeah, I'd be pissed. 
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