Wedding Woes

Because I need to do my normal stuff...

Dear Prudence,
How do I get over a seven-year-long crush on a friend? We became friends online, and when we met in person a year later, I realized I had a crush on her (up to this point I had always assumed I was straight). A year after that, I told her about my feelings for her. She said she was flattered but not interested, and we remained friends.

I assumed my feelings for her would fade with time, but they haven’t. Over the years I’ve tried not thinking about it, restricting contact, and dating other women, and more recently I’ve tried to get to the bottom of my fixation on her through therapy. I’m scared of losing her as a friend (we are very near and dear to each other), but I realize this friendship is not built on the most honest foundation and I’m just setting myself back. I’m also deeply terrified of “getting out there” and seriously looking for someone I can love who will love me back. I find it hard to believe I can do better than unrequited infatuation or my only other previous relationship, which ended after years due to incompatibility (I’m asexual, he wasn’t). I need expert, practical advice on letting go of these feelings.
—Crash Dummy

charlotte989875

Re: Because I need to do my normal stuff...

  • I hate to say this but LW needs to sever this relationship- lose them as a friend. The only way to move on is to not have that person as a distraction. 

    They also need assurances that someone else IS out there. It may take a long time to find that person, but they're out there! 
    Agreed. LW has tried everything else. 
    short+sassy
  • Yup, it's time to let this go. If you can't move on from these feelings you need to let the friendship go. It's going to be hard, and sad, but if therapy isn't working, it's time to break things off. 
    ShesSoColdPrettyGirlLostshort+sassy
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya
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    I agree with PPs. Maybe LW can try to strike the friendship back up when she's met someone wonderful or when she feels like she's moved on, but it's not working for her the way things are now.

    I feel bad for LW. This sounds really hard.

    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    charlotte989875PrettyGirlLostshort+sassyOliveOilsMom
  • I agree with PPs. Maybe LW can try to strike the friendship back up when she's met someone wonderful or when she feels like she's moved on, but it's not working for her the way things are now.

    I feel bad for LW. This sounds really hard.

    I wish I could wave a magic wand and erase the LW's romantic feelings for her friend.  But it does sound like she has done everything she can do that herself, to no avail.

    Nothing else is working and she just needs to cut this person out of her life, so she can move on.  Though I do think she should have a conversation with this person to let them know why she is ending the friendship.  I think that will give both of them some closure.  Especially since I'm assuming the friend might not know the romantic feelings have only grown stronger.

    I also like the bolded.  I could see it being a helpful mechanism to help at least get over the friendship ending.  So instead of it being in her mind as a "we will never see each other or be friends again!" loss.  It's more of a "I need to step away for my own mental health.  Maybe I can resume the friendship someday."  As long as she doesn't dwell on the someday.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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