Q. Should I ignore the death of a child?: Two decades ago I dated A. for more than five years. We remained close friends for several years afterward. This changed when he began dating his present wife, B., whom I have never met. B. refused to plan double dates or group activities, and she always found a reason to miss my parties. After their wedding, A. pretty much stopped seeing me.
I recently learned that one of A.’s daughters died last year. She was 3 years old. My first instinct is to write and offer my condolences, but I am fearful that this is the wrong thing to do. For whatever reason, B. obviously prefers that A. stay away from me. My husband thinks I should reach out to A., but I keep procrastinating. I don’t want to do anything to upset A. and B.; at the same time, I worry that A. would be hurt if he ever discovered that I knew about this tragedy and didn’t even bother to send a card. It seems monstrous to ignore the child’s passing, but this is a case where I’ve been cut off, and contacting A. would only bring pain and frustration, correct?