Help! I'm having a dilemma. I'm getting married in September of 2019. I have 6 bridesmaids. FH has 5 groomsmen. One of the groomsmen is SOOO mean, rude, nasty, and straight up disrespectful - he seems to treat the women in his life like garbage.
There is much more to the story though. We used to be best of friends in college and a few years after - so for 5 years or so. Like he has called my mom "Mom" in the past, that's how often I would see him. Then one thing led to another and he moved to where my at the time bf, now fiance lives to take a new job. At the time FH and I were long distance. During that time, FH and my friend ended up becoming best friends, at which point, this friend decided to pick one of us to be best friends with and from then on treated me like GARBAGE.
I moved up to be with my FH where I was happy that I already had at least one friend, but it was a very rude awakening when I realized that things had really changed. My transition to moving to the middle of nowhere was really difficult. I had started to have extremely severe health problems which made socializing really difficult. It was a time when I needed a friend the most and instead he talked insane amounts of crap about me to the group of friends up here who, for a full year and half pretended I didn't exist because they thought I was worthless due to everything this friend was saying (it has gotten much better with them but that is a story for another day).
At one point we had a complete falling out where, even though the whole group was hanging out, we refused to make eye contact or speak to each other because he refused to apologize for being a complete a******. FH was on a work trip and I went out with the group and I was having a separate conversation with someone - I wasn't loud or ridiculous, and I didn't even speak much during the night, but he goes, mid-sentence "can we put a muzzle on this girl" - at which point the entire table went silent for probably 60 seconds. He did not apologize for about 10 months (yes, we did the whole pretending the other didn't exist even though we were forced to see each other because he was bf with my FH). The only reason he apologized was because I told his gf that FH and I will not be traveling and splitting expenses with them to a friend's wedding because of his refusal to apologize.
Anyway, finally he did apologize and prior to all of this he would only say rude things when FH wasn't around. Even after he apologized he soon started being nasty again, and this time he's not afraid to do so in front of FH. I realize I have an additional separate problem with FH not sticking up for me, but I'm able to deal with that separately (he has some severe confrontation issues). For now I just need to know what to do about this kid (and I say kid because he actually acts like a 12 year old).
How do I deal with him being in the wedding party? Do i ask FH that if he continues to treat me this way for him to ask this guy to step out of the party? I'm not sure he even would. All of my BMs treat FH with kindness and respect - they wouldn't be my BMs if they treated him any less. Or, if he continues to treat me this way, is it possible for ME to ask him to please step down out of respect for my FH (clearly not for me) because he is putting him in a position where none of us will be happy if he remains in the party.
Also, in between the time that he apologized and when he started treating me like crap, he told us that he and his gf were having a baby, at which point I stupidly and in-the-moment volunteered to throw them a jack and jill shower, with a date set and everything. Now idk what to do because I care deeply for his gf and obviously can't bail because this part is about her, not me, but I'm not sure how to host for someone who treats me like garbage.
Please help! What should I do??