My dad is unable to dance with me at our wedding how do I still include him?

charlotte989875 · September 2018

Knottiee1eb12191514c72d said:

climbingwife said:

Knottiee1eb12191514c72d said:

missJeanLouise said:

Knottiee1eb12191514c72d said:

Why do I need to talk to him I’ll just get yelled at

So you are admitting you know that he won’t like your idea either.

so act like an adult, own up to your decisions/ actions, and use your words to tell him what is going to happen. But don’t pretend like you want options when you clearly don’t and don’t force your mother to be the one who breaks it to your father that his daughter will be dancing with another man instead of him.

My father knows I’ll be dancing with my father in law don’t tell me to grow up I’m 35 years old I’ll explain this to my dad in my own words! 😡

But, you're 35 years old and so far you've had your mom communicating to your dad for you....

I didn’t ask her to communicate for me she was doing that on her own I didn’t have a to do with this until Sunday when she yelled me before then she was taking care of it. I’m just scared and frustrated I just want help

Okay, so exactly what do you need help with? Everyone has given you suggestions and you keep throwing a fit when you don’t like them.

If your Mom is yelling at you like you’re a child you need to be the adult in the situation. Tell her, calmly, that you need her help talking with your father about this and that you want to reach a solution that will make everyone happy. If she yells/carry’s on then end the conversation and tell her “Mom I really want to talk with you and Dad about this, but not when you’re yelling. I won’t be spoken to like that so please let me know when you’ve calmed down and we. An discuss this again”. Then follow up on that. Don’t engage with her if she’s yelling. Don’t yell back or cry. Just walk away, outside, whatever.

If you really do want to find a solution you need to recognize that this is clearly not an ideal situation and the picture of have about what a wedding is supposed to have may not be your reality. And that’s okay! Most weddings are far from picture perfect. But you have to be more open minded.

flantastic · September 2018

charlotte989875 said:

Knottiee1eb12191514c72d said:

climbingwife said:

Knottiee1eb12191514c72d said:

missJeanLouise said:

Knottiee1eb12191514c72d said:

Why do I need to talk to him I’ll just get yelled at

So you are admitting you know that he won’t like your idea either.

so act like an adult, own up to your decisions/ actions, and use your words to tell him what is going to happen. But don’t pretend like you want options when you clearly don’t and don’t force your mother to be the one who breaks it to your father that his daughter will be dancing with another man instead of him.

My father knows I’ll be dancing with my father in law don’t tell me to grow up I’m 35 years old I’ll explain this to my dad in my own words! 😡

But, you're 35 years old and so far you've had your mom communicating to your dad for you....

I didn’t ask her to communicate for me she was doing that on her own I didn’t have a to do with this until Sunday when she yelled me before then she was taking care of it. I’m just scared and frustrated I just want help

Okay, so exactly what do you need help with? Everyone has given you suggestions and you keep throwing a fit when you don’t like them.

If your Mom is yelling at you like you’re a child you need to be the adult in the situation. Tell her, calmly, that you need her help talking with your father about this and that you want to reach a solution that will make everyone happy. If she yells/carry’s on then end the conversation and tell her “Mom I really want to talk with you and Dad about this, but not when you’re yelling. I won’t be spoken to like that so please let me know when you’ve calmed down and we. An discuss this again”. Then follow up on that. Don’t engage with her if she’s yelling. Don’t yell back or cry. Just walk away, outside, whatever.

If you really do want to find a solution you need to recognize that this is clearly not an ideal situation and the picture of have about what a wedding is supposed to have may not be your reality. And that’s okay! Most weddings are far from picture perfect. But you have to be more open minded.

OP, you said when the bolded part was suggested before that walking away from a conversation was "rude." It's not. In this instance, it's a way to set boundaries with your mother and keep everything from escalating into an argument you don't need to have.

charlotte989875 · September 2018

flantastic said:

charlotte989875 said:

Knottiee1eb12191514c72d said:

climbingwife said:

Knottiee1eb12191514c72d said:

missJeanLouise said:

Knottiee1eb12191514c72d said:

Why do I need to talk to him I’ll just get yelled at

So you are admitting you know that he won’t like your idea either.

so act like an adult, own up to your decisions/ actions, and use your words to tell him what is going to happen. But don’t pretend like you want options when you clearly don’t and don’t force your mother to be the one who breaks it to your father that his daughter will be dancing with another man instead of him.

My father knows I’ll be dancing with my father in law don’t tell me to grow up I’m 35 years old I’ll explain this to my dad in my own words! 😡

But, you're 35 years old and so far you've had your mom communicating to your dad for you....

I didn’t ask her to communicate for me she was doing that on her own I didn’t have a to do with this until Sunday when she yelled me before then she was taking care of it. I’m just scared and frustrated I just want help

Okay, so exactly what do you need help with? Everyone has given you suggestions and you keep throwing a fit when you don’t like them.

If your Mom is yelling at you like you’re a child you need to be the adult in the situation. Tell her, calmly, that you need her help talking with your father about this and that you want to reach a solution that will make everyone happy. If she yells/carry’s on then end the conversation and tell her “Mom I really want to talk with you and Dad about this, but not when you’re yelling. I won’t be spoken to like that so please let me know when you’ve calmed down and we. An discuss this again”. Then follow up on that. Don’t engage with her if she’s yelling. Don’t yell back or cry. Just walk away, outside, whatever.

If you really do want to find a solution you need to recognize that this is clearly not an ideal situation and the picture of have about what a wedding is supposed to have may not be your reality. And that’s okay! Most weddings are far from picture perfect. But you have to be more open minded.

OP, you said when the bolded part was suggested before that walking away from a conversation was "rude." It's not. In this instance, it's a way to set boundaries with your mother and keep everything from escalating into an argument you don't need to have.

Exactly.

And OP we’re not suggesting getting up and storming off. If she starts to get upset/yell ask her (again calmly) to please stop and say that if she doesn’t you’ll need to end the conversation. Give her a minute or two and see how she reacts, then proceed accordingly. You’re an adult. She’s an adult. Yes she’s your mother but you don’t have to sit there and be yelled at.

[Deleted User] · September 2018

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[Deleted User] · September 2018

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flantastic · September 2018

Knottiee1eb12191514c72d said:

I don’t think it would be proper to dance with my mom she’s dancing with my fiancé I think she’s had a knee replacement but I don’t know if it would be the same sorry 😐

I know about my mothers knee replacement surgery bc I helped her heal from it that was over a year ago in 2017

Okay, I get this now. The "I think" in the first quote is "she's dancing with my fiance, I think" not "I think she's had a knee replacement."

Please use punctuation.

If you choose not to use punctuation, please don't get bent out of shape when other people do not understand you.

flantastic · September 2018

Knottiee1eb12191514c72d said:

I thought about possibly having him stand with his walker/ wheelchair and I can still dance with him if my brothers held on to him

Great, that's an idea. But the first, best step is to ask what he wants, then figure out a way to make that happen.

Maybe he wants to dance with you and will do whatever it takes, including the above suggestion. Maybe he would find being held up by your brothers embarrassing and would prefer a hug, or to dance while staying in a wheelchair.

We can't give you many more suggestions until you know what your dad wants, from your promised conversation with him.

STARMOON44 · September 2018

I think if your dad can’t dance, then you don’t have that happen. You dance with your new husband and that’s that. Why is this a complicated 5 pages of drama?

ShesSoCold · September 2018

STARMOON44 said:

I think if your dad can’t dance, then you don’t have that happen. You dance with your new husband and that’s that. Why is this a complicated 5 pages of drama?

STUCK

Because there MUST be dozens of spotlight dances. Because Catholicism, apparently. Because poor reading comprehension! Because "shit". Because we're all meanies. Because it's easier to play telephone through Mom.

banana468 · September 2018

Knottiee1eb12191514c72d said:

I thought about possibly having him stand with his walker/ wheelchair and I can still dance with him if my brothers held on to him

Like a marionette? Really???

Please look up videos where a bride dances with someone in a wheelchair. It's not necessary to over complicate this.

InLoveInQueens · September 2018

STARMOON44 said:

I think if your dad can’t dance, then you don’t have that happen. You dance with your new husband and that’s that. Why is this a complicated 5 pages of drama?

Yeah, that's what I'm struggling with. Dance with whoever the eff you want, but do it when the dance floor is open!

Doing more than 3 spotlight dances (couple, couple with parents x2) is unnecessary, boring, and OTT/AWish. Dance with your FFIL, dance with your mom, dance with your cousins, dance with your great-uncle twice removed, dance with no one, but don't make everyone sit around and watch you do those dances. Do them while everyone else dances, too. There's nothing traditionally Catholic about dancing with your in-laws and making your guest watch while you do it. It's really not that complicated and the fact that this thread is 5 pages and OP understands what MUD means, despite insisting it's not (the lady doth protest too much) and is threatening to report people over "the s word" just screams troll.

And if it's not, it screams 'therapy'.

MyNameIsNot · September 2018

InLoveInQueens said:

STARMOON44 said:

I think if your dad can’t dance, then you don’t have that happen. You dance with your new husband and that’s that. Why is this a complicated 5 pages of drama?

Yeah, that's what I'm struggling with. Dance with whoever the eff you want, but do it when the dance floor is open!

Doing more than 3 spotlight dances (couple, couple with parents x2) is unnecessary, boring, and OTT/AWish. Dance with your FFIL, dance with your mom, dance with your cousins, dance with your great-uncle twice removed, dance with no one, but don't make everyone sit around and watch you do those dances. Do them while everyone else dances, too. There's nothing traditionally Catholic about dancing with your in-laws and making your guest watch while you do it. It's really not that complicated and the fact that this thread is 5 pages and OP understands what MUD means, despite insisting it's not (the lady doth protest too much) and is threatening to report people over "the s word" just screams troll.

And if it's not, it screams 'therapy'.

All of this, plus the boards have been quiet lately, so even a dull troll gets a lot of posts.

MobKaz · September 2018

MyNameIsNot said:

InLoveInQueens said:

STARMOON44 said:

I think if your dad can’t dance, then you don’t have that happen. You dance with your new husband and that’s that. Why is this a complicated 5 pages of drama?

Yeah, that's what I'm struggling with. Dance with whoever the eff you want, but do it when the dance floor is open!

Doing more than 3 spotlight dances (couple, couple with parents x2) is unnecessary, boring, and OTT/AWish. Dance with your FFIL, dance with your mom, dance with your cousins, dance with your great-uncle twice removed, dance with no one, but don't make everyone sit around and watch you do those dances. Do them while everyone else dances, too. There's nothing traditionally Catholic about dancing with your in-laws and making your guest watch while you do it. It's really not that complicated and the fact that this thread is 5 pages and OP understands what MUD means, despite insisting it's not (the lady doth protest too much) and is threatening to report people over "the s word" just screams troll.

And if it's not, it screams 'therapy'.

All of this, plus the boards have been quiet lately, so even a dull troll gets a lot of posts.

Is it just me? Post history shows 10 discussions but this is the only one that shows up.....? Is anyone else able to see OP's history?

ShesSoCold · September 2018

Completely unrelated, totally random TK fun fact -

Reported posts are technically a new thread.

Carry on.

maine7mob · September 2018

Knottiee1eb12191514c72d said:

maine7mob said:

Knottiee1eb12191514c72d said:

We aren’t twirling around, if I was able to dance with him it would be just a very slow dance, my dad is 87 and very feeble and not strong like he was when my sister got married 21 years earlier then me in July of 1997 when I was 14 and a half, times have changed. I can’t just skip this, you don’t seem to understand.

I think people do understand that some couples feel the dances are obligatory. But in terms of how married you are, they really don't matter a bit. You will still be just as married if you don't have them at all. All you really need is a ceremony with witnesses to be fully married. Everything else is just nice to have.

We are Catholic, I’d like to keep the traditions even at the reception and our ceremony is done by a priest

My daughter just had a lovely, traditional Catholic wedding. She did not do any spotlight dances at her reception. Really, if you do the full nuptial mass, you will be married in a very traditional way. The dances are not part of the tradition. In fact, I think kindness and respect for one's 87 year old father is a far older tradition than the whole spotlight dance thing. You can dance with your new husband, then open the floor to everyone. Your guests will understand and they will be very grateful!

[Deleted User] · September 2018

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ShesSoCold · September 2018

Knottiee1eb12191514c72d said:

Ok listen I don’t need therapy I’m fine just either leave a nice message or don’t reply at all please. This is just stressing me out. I’ve asked someone on staff at the knot to delete my profile and take me off this board for good. See ya!

Knottiee1eb12191514c72d said:

MobKaz said:

MyNameIsNot said:

InLoveInQueens said:

STARMOON44 said:

I think if your dad can’t dance, then you don’t have that happen. You dance with your new husband and that’s that. Why is this a complicated 5 pages of drama?

Yeah, that's what I'm struggling with. Dance with whoever the eff you want, but do it when the dance floor is open!

Doing more than 3 spotlight dances (couple, couple with parents x2) is unnecessary, boring, and OTT/AWish. Dance with your FFIL, dance with your mom, dance with your cousins, dance with your great-uncle twice removed, dance with no one, but don't make everyone sit around and watch you do those dances. Do them while everyone else dances, too. There's nothing traditionally Catholic about dancing with your in-laws and making your guest watch while you do it. It's really not that complicated and the fact that this thread is 5 pages and OP understands what MUD means, despite insisting it's not (the lady doth protest too much) and is threatening to report people over "the s word" just screams troll.

And if it's not, it screams 'therapy'.

All of this, plus the boards have been quiet lately, so even a dull troll gets a lot of posts.

Is it just me? Post history shows 10 discussions but this is the only one that shows up.....? Is anyone else able to see OP's history?

Ok I’m sorry for everything I’ve done or said could we just focus on the question about dancing with my dad ok? I’m really sorry, could you give me another chance and not call me a troll?

So are you sticking around looking for another chance or deleting your profile?

An easy way to remove yourself from the boards, without waiting for someone from TK to do it, is to simply not log in. You don't need your profile deleted (although I do believe you can do that yourself), you just don't need to come here anymore. Easy peasy! Almost as easy as, say, speaking to your father!

short+sassy · September 2018

Knottiee1eb12191514c72d said:

What does OP mean?

Original Poster

[Deleted User] · September 2018

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[Deleted User] · September 2018

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ILoveBeachMusic · September 2018

Except she was quoted.

My dad is unable to dance with me at our wedding how do I still include him?

Re: My dad is unable to dance with me at our wedding how do I still include him?

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